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Newspaper
The Progressive Farmer
Location
Raleigh, North Carolina, United States of America
Date
Feb 06, 1894
Page
5
Rex the dog guarded his owner’s kettle in an Australian camp, blocking departure for nearly an hour to protect trust. The account by C. F. Amery in St Nicholas notes the dog’s faithful zeal, allowing entry and exit only with permission, then easing after friends arrived.
A drummer recalls an Ohio train encounter with a man of seven sons, six in politics and one in jail. The piece surveys rapid facts: brain size, raindrops, German earnings, gold thinness, printing coverage, imperial shipping value, U.S. and European industry values, British land value, world wealth in engines, clergy costs, Australian mortgages, and extensive trivia on eggs, crocodile eggs, wind lamps in Roseburg, electric ambulances in St. Louis, stilts in Landers, minerals in Wyoming, rustproof iron, a massive diamond loan, policing limits on public street presence for certain women, Japanese stature, and a diet theory.
A former burglar recounts breaking into a well furnished room in dim light, discovering a key left in a bureau, pocketing a silver purse and a silver bottle that turned out to be an electric battery. A bell rang, police arrived, and he was captured. He notes never taking two items at once again. The tale blends crime with odd observations and details of the capture.
A São Massachusetts tale unfolds as Viola argues with her father about Henry Noodenhammer, a suitor earning $15 a week. She cites state statistics showing more marriageable girls than men, with many widows and girls chasing scarce young men, shaping a comical clash over economics and romance.
The writer speaks in a dialect voice claiming a specific spot where Nero fell and promises to identify the exact place Napoleon vowed to conquer or die. The piece interlaces figures Nero Washington Socrates Geneva and a note about butter and clarity in thought.
The Detroit Free Press quotes a man who declares a brave stance against cowardice and filibustering. He recalls a head bump and asserts his motto that those who fight and run may live to fight again, insisting tomorrow will bring a remorseless sweep.
An elderly guide in a Winchester battlefield tale claims Nero fell at Opequan. A white interviewer disputes the tale noting Nero died centuries earlier. The discussion circles around misremembered history and a father in law’s odd anecdotes about a calf and a hog.
In Deadwood the marshal forbids gunplay and disorder, declaring the town civilized. An elderly rider protests and finally yells once before hanging himself by a tree limb, ending the scene in tragedy.
A collage of humor from late nineteenth century papers. Jests about gender, politics, theater etiquette, and social folly unfold through short quips and anecdotes. Notable lines include Proverbs on virtue, mild satire of malaria, and a playful misprint turning a word into a joke.
The Arizona Kicker recounts the death of Si Simmons a town character aged about sixty who frightened tenderfoots with a gun and grim humor. A wary stranger from Ohio from Rhode Island origins outsmarted him with a shot from a gun, ending the jokesters prank. The piece notes the bearable danger of such rough humor and hints the town will miss the old mischief maker. The tale closes with a payment reminder for the Tas Reasive Farmer subscription.
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