A Patchwork of Quick Quips From An Old Paper
A collage of light anecdotes and wry observations from a Saco independent column. Jokes range from rising noise complaints to price tags on eggs in China and cheeky notes on fashion. Snippets about a New York woman’s lost money, a bulldog bite, and a barber offering a fresh egg with shaves add urban color.
Utopia Seen as Cheapest Home Not On Any Map
The New York Sun notes Utopia is the only place a person can live cheaply and it is not on the map. Eastern police arrest cheese dealers for selling over ripe product and say they have strong evidence against the detainees. An artificial fee will rise next summer, and artificial ponds were not on the sid during winter.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
The
New York Sun
Statistician cites vast tunes, composers know few more
A statistician estimates there are 10,000,000 tunes in existence, yet modern musical comedy composers appear aware of only two or three. This contrast highlights the gap between cataloged music and contemporary writers.
Guitar’s Worth in Notes Not Dues Yet Its Sound Sells
A remark that a guitar is a musical instrument yet rarely yields dividends notes the instrument’s value. The passage highlights that its hand played notes are accepted at full value, underscoring music’s enduring appeal.
Greenbacks Cleaned Again Provokes Public Skepticism
A debate arises as old money is restored to pristine condition by washing and ironing at a cost of one to ten cents. The public shows little concern about whether the currency was dirty or clean.
Fashion book notes American women favor tight gowns
The essay argues women prefer snug dresses though it admits a tight gown appears full on a plus sized figure. It frames a fashion stereotype within a humorous observation about body shapes and garment fit.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
America
Insurance Statistician Claims Cost of Killing a Man
An insurance statistician states it costs 15000 dollars to kill a man. The remark reflects a bleak view on the poor and access to opportunity.
Los Angeles Judge Grants Divorce Over Spanking Incident
A Los Angeles court awarded a wife a divorce after she reported her husband spanked her. The husband was fined after authorities classified the act as assault and he faced legal consequences for the conduct.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Los Angeles
Neve
War Denounced by Secretary Bryan at Hague Anniversary
Secretary Bryan denounces subsidized patriotism and mercenary newspapers that push war for profits. He argues war benefits few, taxes the masses, and that future treaties will arbitrate disputes to prevent conflict. Increasing intelligence and moral progress, he says, move the world toward lasting peace.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Washington
Bryan
Hague
Washington Peace Society
Mr. Bryan
Daniels
Couple Kill 5 Injure 3 at Mexican Mine
John Walker a British mine owner and his wife killed five and wounded three of 11 workers at a Zacatecas mine near Villa Garcia after an attack in the office over unpaid wages. The Walkers arrived with troops and fought back with firearms and rifles.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Aguas Calientes
Mexico
John Walker
Villa Garcia
Zacatecas
Walker
Opium Growers Burned After Resistance in Henan
In Shen Chow Ting western Henan sixty seven farmers resisting soldiers destruction of opium crops were burned alive in a building where they were holding a meeting. The mass tragedy occurred on May 20 and reflects the harsh suppression of opium cultivation.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Shanghai
Shen Chow Ting
Henan
Baptist Convention Raises 34878 for Judson Jubilate Mission
The Southern Baptist convention concluded Sunday with a total of 34878 raised by the woman's missionary union at a mass meeting attended by women only. Alabama led with 8226, including 3000 from its union, funding a hospital for women and children in Ping Tu North China.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Baptist Convention
St. Louis
Judson
Southern Baptist Convention
Woman's Missionary Union
Alabama
Woman's Missionary Union of
Ping Tu
North
China
Dance Halls in New York City Under Sharp Scrutiny
A social hygiene bureau report led by John D. Rockefeller Jr cites Manhattan dance halls as corrupting venues with 75 dances reviewed only five deemed decent. It notes innocent working girls and cadets who exploit victims, and criticizes real estate agents who rent spaces for immoral use.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York
Bureau of Social Hygiene
John D. Rockefeller, Jr
George J. Kneeland
Manhattan
New York City
Rockefeller
America
Europe
Everett merchant accused of Wisconsin embezzlement
Homer T. Fowler of Everett was arrested on a Wisconsin warrant charging embezzlement from a Superior firm six years ago. He ran a wholesale grocery in Superior before moving to Everett where he later led the Commercial Club. Fowler opposes extradition.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Wisconsin
Everett
Wash
Homer T. Fowler
Carlson
Douglas County
Wis
Fowler
Superior
Everett Commercial Club
Democratic National Committee Opens 1914 16 Campaign Plans
The Democratic National Committee organizes a Washington campaign with permanent HQs, an educational drive, and coordinated effort with the congressional committee. A. Mitchell Palmer chairs the effort with Rolla Wells as treasurer and Thomas J. Pence handling publicity. The group plans to mail letters to about 10 000 weekly and 2 000 daily papers, seeking funds from states after White House briefing.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Washington
Democratic National Committee
Democratic Congressional Committee
A. Mitchell Palmer
Pennsylvania
House
Rolla Wells
St. Louis
Thomas J. Pence
North Carolina
Wilson Press
John S. Martin
Missouri
Vyhe
Pence
White House
Wilson
Lloyd
Representative Page
National Committee
Congressional Committee
Urge Creation of Arts Bureau in Federal System
At the Conference of the American Federation of Arts a resolution urged establishing a federal bureau of fine arts as part of national activities. A special committee will pursue this, aiming to create a bureau like the education bureau with plans to consolidate under a cabinet member.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Arts
Washington
Bureau of Fine Arts
Conference of the American Federation of Arts
Bureau of Education
Tornado Toll Rises in Seward and Omaha Destruction
A May 16 tornado in Seward Nebraska killed 11 and injured 30, destroying over a third of the town and damaging Lushton Grafton Utica and McCool areas. Wires were down, shelters jammed, and emergency crews rushed to aid victims as reports of widespread damage continued.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Seward
Neb
Lushton
Grafton
Utica
McCool
Lincoln
Frank Tipton
Buriington
Tipton
Omaha
Army Men Are Promoted
President Wilson promotes two colonels to brigadier generals upon secretary Garrison’s recommendation. Col John P Wisser of the coast artillery at Fort Miller California and Col F T Davis of the Eighteenth Infantry at Texas City Texas will succeed Generals W S Schuyler and F A Smith who recently retired.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Washington
Garrison
Wilson
John P. Wisser
Coast Artillery
Fort Miller
Cal
F. T. Davis
Eighteenth Infantry
Texas City
Tex
W. S. Schuyler
F. A. Smith
Ridder Declines State Prisons Post in New York
Herman Ridder of New York said he would not accept the appointment as superintendent of state prisons given by Governor Sulzer in Albany.
insurgent Woodmen organize national federation in Springfield
The National Modern Woodmen of America Federation was permanently organized at the final session in Springfield. Dr James V Beghtel of Hastings Nebraska was chosen president, E S Smith of Springfield Illinois vice president, Harry F Hooper of Tecumseh Oklahoma secretary, and John H Schno1 of Maquoketa Iowa treasurer.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Insurgent Woodmen
Springfield
Ill
National
Modern Woodmen of America Federation
James V. Beghtel
Hastings
Neb
Provisional Committee of the
Insurgent Movement
E. S. Smith
Harry F. Hooper
Tecumseh
Okla
John H. Schno
Maquoketa
Iowa
One Thousand Settlers Daily Flock to Manitoba Frontier
Winnipeg becomes the busiest city in America as 1 000 settlers daily arrive from Britain Europe and the United States. Germans Scandinavians and Caledonians join vast migration to Canada West with 160 acre homesteads and deeds or patents after three years of occupancy. Prices for new lands range from 15 to 20 dollars per acre with strong prospects for yields under cultivation.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
United Kingdom
Europe
Winnipeg
Prairie Provinces
America
Manitoba
Canada West
Germany
Scandinavia
British Isles
Old Land
Canada
Scotland
Dominion
Caledonia
United States
Transmissibility of Genius in the Browning Estate Sale
Executors of the late Robert Weidemann Barrett Browning began selling relics of Robert and Elizabeth Browning on May 1. The piece argues the child Me Browning showed no notable genius, suggesting genius may not pass through offspring though special talents seem transmissible.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Robert
Elizabeth Browning
Robert Weidemann Barrett Browning
Judge Miller Praises Dodds Kidney Pills in Remarkable Recovery
Gray County Probate Judge Philip Miller of Cimarron Kansas reports a 5 year heart trouble relief after taking six boxes of Dodds Kidney Pills for about a year. He credits improved energy weight and health and invites correspondence. Advertisement offers Dodds Kidney Pills 50 cents per box plus free Household Hints music and recipes.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Dodds
Gray Co
Philip Miller
Cimarron
Kan
Realism in Art Heard in City Boasts
A countryman visiting the city listened to artist boasts about genius and finally swore that Bill Simpkins from his village can paint cork so exactly like marble that it sinks in water as if a stone when tossed in.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Bill Simpkins
Reclaiming Eden: Dam Builds Across Euphrates Near Baghdad
English engineers invade the region and build a great dam across the Euphrates near Baghdad to carry water over the land, aiming to reclaim and make fertile the area between the Euphrates and Tigris. The soil is described as extremely rich and suitable for irrigation.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Garden of Eden
Euphrates
Tigris
Bagdad
Egypt
India
Mrs Winslow’s Soothing Syrup Teething Remedy Ad
Advertisement for Mrs Winslow’s Soothing Syrup claiming to ease teething pain by softening gums reducing inflammation and curing wind colic. Stated price 25 cents per bottle.
Men Led Not Driven to Drink
A brief saying contrasts how certain paths push men toward excess versus guiding them away. It presents a social observation without naming individuals or events.
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