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Newspaper
Pinehurst Outlook
Location
Pinehurst, North Carolina, United States of America
Date
Dec 14, 1900
Page
2
Polk Miller extols Pinehurst as a wild frontier turned beautiful, with sand hills blanketed by flowers. He urges North sportsmen to visit Mr Powell who knows the game well and envisions buying land to create a lasting field sports haven for decades at small cost.
A new device named the parachute ball lets beginners and busy players practice driving and putting in a small yard. An ordinary ball is threaded with cord and attached to a cloth parachute, acting as a brake so the ball travels only a few yards. It enables practice without retrieving balls, using minimal space and equipment like a backyard putting green or net, and can be made at home with a gimlet.
A Grand Army man, ailing but aided by an advertising medicine, shares a hopeful tale of feeling better after using the panacea. He urges neighbors to try the remedy, then is approached by the patent medicine agent to publicly tell his experiences. The narrator offers no names dates or neighborhoods.
A village elder’s joy at feeling better from a supposed remedy turns to doubt as a roving agent uses his portrait in a country weekly to push a fake testimonial. The G A R man is drawn into the scheme, confident that the boasted health improvements will attract others. In the end the pension bureau halts payments, deeming the testimonial false and the man now cured enough to no longer need a pension.
A witty exchange from the Chicago Tribune quotes a matron in a paisery shawl explaining why she prefers moving to a new flat. She argues it saves work since you avoid cleaning an old house, though the new place soon gets dirty, prompting another move.
An ad suggests sending Holly, Mistletoe and Pine to home friends as Christmas gifts. The seller offers ready packed cases and asks for the number of cases and shipping addresses to ensure timely delivery. Christmas cheer and timely arrival are emphasized.
A Pinehurst notice warns orders placed after December 21 for Christmas and after December 28 for New Year may not arrive in New England. The company ships in strict rotation, offering a 30 by 18 by 6 inch case at 75 cents, three for two dollars, with free delivery at Pinehurst freight or express station.
The piece argues one foot moves faster than the other causing a natural veering off center while walking. It describes experiments with blindfolded walking between stakes to show one foot dominates in stride length and speed, yielding a curved path and eventual return to start. It cites a lighthearted, explanatory tone on a simple bodily fact.
A Philadelphia North American report recalls a house fire scene where the owner urges against smashing a window. The foreman of the fire company replies bluntly that they know their business as he drives an ax through the pane.
A diffident suitor buys a bouquet for a beloved girl with a conservatory and considers how to salvage the moment. He recalls the saying about carrying coals and seeks a clever, lighthearted way to bridge the unintended blunder.
A youth, intending to present a bouquet, rings a bell at a Newcastle residence and succumbs to cold sweat as the lady appears. He stammers that he believed he was casting pearls before swine, illustrating his embarrassment in delivering the gift.
Quoted exchange from Surprisemag where a Cannibal Chief questions if a missionary is fat enough for the pot. The Chef replies the missionary will not fatten and suggests the man may be secretly worrying about something, attributed to Fidele Blatter.
A humorous sketch shows Mrs Spinks demanding funds saved for a rainy day and Mr Spinks replying the money sits in the Neverbreak Bank. She asks for a check to buy a waterproof item, prompting comic banter.
In a witty exchange, he claims sympathy for the underdog while she challenges the idea, asking if he ever choked an upper dog loose. The dialogue reflects playful, insubstantial banter characteristic of a Chicago Times-Herald humor item.
A Cleveland Plain Dealer remark notes Mrs Langtry stating she can do without this country's aristocracy and adds she may take it with her if unable to comply.
A man explains he cannot buy the horse because he lacks the funds. The owner interrupts, saying there is no need to state other reasons. The brief exchange is reported by the Philadelphia North American.
A collage of comic exchanges from era papers includes Guzzler and Bjones on drinking, a kopje definition in Indian spolls Presa, handwriting cautions, bric brac jokes, a Boer versus English exchange, a young Lucy’s naval tattoo dream, and light wordplay from Puck and Philadelphia Press.
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