Patoka Register Satirical Snippets from Daily Life
A compact column from Patoka Register jokes about finance, crime, science, and society. It notes a hungry man eating words, a poor bank in jest, new coin debates, a Connecticut jackass’s death, and quips on antiquity, gold, and insomnia. It mentions peaches preserved in 1869, charity pies, Koch’s sleep microbe, Hurty on gold in air, and Findlay incense kerosene. Central Park’s weariness and a $3,000,000 restoration are touched on.
Mercury Walks Across the Sun and Returns Unmoved
A playful meditation notes Mercury waylaying the sun, an insectivorous planet crossing its face with no reply from the solar giant. The episode serves as a moral for powerful figures teased by minor critics, as the sun’s appearance remains unchanged.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Mercury
Earth
Snail Farming a Major France Supply Source
The text notes Austria, Brazilia, and Switzerland host thousands of snail farms. It highlights France as a huge consumer, with Paris alone using millions of snails from September to May, reflecting snail farming as a significant industry.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Austria
Bravaria
Switzerland
France
Paris
Columbia returns to supervised exams reforming honor system
Columbia University abandons the honor system for examinations and reestablishes supervision by university officers to deter cheating. The author notes Princeton as nearly unique in maintaining honor exams successfully, praising President Woodrow Wilson and his students for their distinct achievement and hoping it endures.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Columbia University
Princeton
Woodrow Wilson
Welcome for US Navy fleet at Rio Janeiro Jan 11 arrival
The American battleship fleet is due in Rio de Janeiro around January 11 and will stay about ten days. Admiral Alencar orders a division including cruisers Barroso and Tamandaré and gunboats Tymbira Tamoyo and Tiradentes to meet the fleet at sea and escort it to the harbor. A royal but restrained welcome is planned with dances picnics and banquets.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Rio Janeiro
Brazil
Alencar
Marine
Barroso
Tamandare
Tymbira
Tamoyo
Tiradentes
WL Gies
Soin
Ps Perla Seme
Brazilian Officials Plan Banquet for Visiting American Officers
The Brazilian government will host a grand banquet for American officers in Yaura's Grand Salon of the marine arsenal with 500 covers. Baron de Rio Branco, the Rio de Janeiro mayor, and Dr. Jose Carlos Rodriguez will join Rear Admiral Evans in a series of social events during the fleet visit, including posh dinners and park outings at Tijuca and Maceiacent views.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Cea
Tijuca Park
Marine Arsenal
Yaura
Walker Consents to Return from Ensenada
Pinkerton agents in New York confirm William F. Walker former treasurer of New Britain Savings Bank Conn was captured at Ensenada Lower California. He has consented to return to Connecticut without extradition proceedings.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York
N. Y
Pinkerton Detective Agency
William F. Walker
New Britain (Conn.) Savings Bank
Ensenada
California
Walker
Connecticut
Pullman Probe Adjourned in Minnesota Hearing
The two day hearing before Special Examiner Marble of the Interstate Commerce Commission on Pullman Sleeping Car Co. rate fixing and relations with Minnesota railroads was adjourned Friday to a date to be announced later.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Pullman
St. Paul
Minn
Special Examiner Marble
Interstate Commerce Commission
Pullman Sleeping Car Co
Minnesota
La Follette Opens Nebraska Headquarters in Lincoln
W L Houser of Madison Wisconsin arrived in Lincoln Nebraska to establish a permanent La Follette headquarters. He announced an aggressive canvass to secure Nebraska's delegation to the Chicago convention for the presidential candidate.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
la Follette
Nebraska
Lincoln
Neb
W. L. Houser
Madison
Wisconsin
Senator la Follette
Chicago
Poison in Oatmeal Kills Woman
Miller, S D Gustave Kainmul a farmer was held by a coroner's jury for the murder of his wife. Poison in oatmeal caused the woman's death.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Miller
S. D
Gustave Kainmul
Memphis Editor Van Lee Polk Dies of Heart Disease
Memphis Tennessee editor Van Lee Polk, grand nephew of former President Polk, died suddenly of heart disease late Thursday. Polk was serving as an editor for the News-Scimitar in Memphis at the time of his death.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Memphis
Tenn
van Lee Polk
President Polk
Mr. Polk
News-Scimitar of
English Author Dies at Mole Seyre on Thames
English writer Liscombe Searelle died on Wednesday in Mole Seyre near the Thames in London. The author led an adventurous career in South Africa and was known as a friend of Cecil Rhodes.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
London
Eng
Man from Kansas City Identified After Train Fatality at Wrightwood
The unidentified man killed by a Northwestern elevated train at Wrightwood Avenue station on Saturday night was identified Sunday as R. H. Harris of Kansas City. Harris, a Missouri brokerage firm worker with a Chicago branch, likely fell from the platform edge and was struck by the train. Mrs. Harris was informed and left Kansas City Sunday.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Chicago
Ill
Northwestern
Wrightwood Avenue
R. H. Harris
Kansas City
Michigan Governor probes bribery claim in Chicago
Governor F M Warner of Michigan arrived in Chicago to investigate an alleged effort to bribe ten state senators to oppose a specific act. The disclosure follows recent political tensions and prior reports of the bribery attempt involving the I nation.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Chicago
F. M. Warner
Michigan
Governor Warner Indicates Plans to Depart for Michigan
Governor Warner said he would probably leave for Michigan Thursday night as part of efforts to leave nothing undone to ascertain the truth. The remarks came amid ongoing inquiries and heightened scrutiny from state officials seeking clarity on the matter.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Warner
Michigan
Secretary Taft Returns From Abroad Quarantine Visit
Secretary Taft arrives at quarantine aboard the President Grant for a transfer to Jersey City. He declines to discuss political questions, cites a 120 day absence from the United States, and says he will have his nose to the grindstone upon returning. Taft travels with his wife and son and is in splendid health.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York
N. Y
Taft
President Grant
Johnstown
Pennsylvania
Jersey City
Washington
Baltimore & Ohio
United States
War Department
Congressional committee fights and late assignments tone
The article details Speaker Cannon delaying committee lists until Wednesday night with John Sharp Williams shaping Democrat appointments. A fist fight between D A DeArmond and Williams erupts in the cloak room, six members separate them as Congress resumes work and committee chairmen press for immediate actions. The first money appropriation of the current session is set at fifty thousand dollars to replace destroyed seed warehouses in Washington. Richmond Pearson Hobson introduces a peace resolution in the House.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Cannon
John Sharp Williams
House
D. A. DeArmond
Missouri
Mississippi
Congress
Washington
Richmond Pearson Hobson
House of Represent
Election Postponed Over Illinois Central Control Fight
Chicago. E H Harriman wins a victory in the battle with Stuyvesant Fish for control of the Illinois Central railroad as Judge Ball delays the injunction suit to February postponing the stockholders election. Most ties held by both sides will be reconvened and reconvassed.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Chicago
E. H. Harriman
Stuyvesant Fish
Illinois Central Railroad
McClellan Defers Action on Borough President Vacancy
Senate debate centers on funding and appointments as Mayor McClellan refuses to bless removal of John F. Ahearn from Manhattan borough president seat. The body also weighs mining claim work funding and a request to use tribal funds to aid Ute Indians near the Cheyenne River agency in South Dakota.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
McClellan
New York, N. Y
Board of Estimates
John F. Ahearn
Manhattan
Hughes
Jay
Taliaferri
Martin
Stone
Newands
Latimer
Owen
Culberson
Taylor
Senate
Carter
Secretary of the Interior
Cheyene River
South Dakota
Dougherty Denies Robbing Peoria Schools
Newton C. Dougherty, former superintendent of Peoria public schools, testified in his own defense as the school board seeks $400,000 allegedly taken from school funds. He denied knowledge of the January safe robbery and the accusation.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Peoria
Ill
Newton C. Dougherty
Peoria Public Schools
Peoria School Board
Dougherty
Bank depositors hear report on hypothecated securities
In a Searchlight Nevada meeting of the bank and trust company depositors a committee reported that the bank’s securities were hypothecated to McCormick and Co of Salt Lake for 15000 dollars and it is alleged that the funds were used by President Homer Tabor in private enterprises.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Searchlight
Nev
Searchlight Bank and Trust Co
McCormick & Co
Salt Lake
Homer Tabor
Expulsion of Jews Denied at Vladivostok
A Vladivostok dispatch refutes a four day Jewish expulsion order and says the status of legally resident Jews remains unchanged. The telegram notes the report was a misconception and confirms Vladivostok Jews retain lawful residence.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
St. Petersburg
Russia
Vladivostok
Blind Girl Kidnapped In Milwaukee by Woman From Illinois
Twelve year old Pearl Burnell, a blind student from a Milwaukee district school, was abducted Tuesday by a woman from West Pullman Illinois. The Children's Home and Aid Society of Chicago recovered the child.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Milwaukee
Wis
Pearl Burnell
West Pullman
Ill
Children’s Home and Aid Society of
Chicago
Slight Cut Causes Death in York Child
In York Pennsylvania a boy William F. Sharon aged 9 from Slate Hill died from lockjaw developing after a slight cut from glass. The tragedy underscores dangers of even minor wounds turning serious in early cases.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
York
Penn
William F. Sharon
Slate Hill
Seven Executed for Robbery in Yekaterinoslav
Seven men convicted of robbery were executed Sunday at Yekaterinoslav. Four soldiers were sentenced to death at Sevastopol in connection with the recent mutiny of the Brest regiment.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
St.ePtersburg
Russia
Yekaterinoslav
Sevastopol
Brest
Inspect Yolande Mine Disaster in Birmingham After Explosion
Thirteen bodies were recovered from the Yolande mine slope in Birmingham raising the death toll to 61 from Monday's explosion. Officials plan an official inspection of the mine Wednesday as rescue operations continue.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Yolande Mine
Birmingham
Ala
Arbitration board opens session on printers scale
Indianapolis origin report notes the national board of arbitration meeting with newspaper publishers and the International Typographical Union. The board discusses the printers scale in large cities and on Wednesday considered the Chicago scale.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Indianapolis
Ind
National Board of Arbitration
International Typographical Union
Chicago
National Forest Created in Arkansas by Proclamation
President Roosevelt signed a proclamation creating a national forest in west central Arkansas covering over 1,000,000 acres. It will be the easternmost government forest and spans Scott Polk Montgomery Yell Logan Perry Saline and Garland counties.
Kirwin Resigns as Western Federation Secretary Treasurer
James R. Kirwin resigned as acting secretary treasurer of the Western Federation of Miners due to ill health. Ernest Mills, executive board member from British Columbia, assumes the duties immediately.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Denver
Col
James R. Kirwin
Western Federation of Miners
Ernest Mills
British Columbia
Kirwin
No agreement reached in I C Conference over Illinois Central
In Chicago after fruitless talks extending past midnight, attorneys for rival interests in the Illinois Central railroad fight said no basis for a compromise had been found. None of the conferees would discuss the proceedings.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
I. C
Chicago
Ill
Illinois Central Railroad
Hudson-Fulton 1909 invites foreign warships
The commission in charge of the Hudson-Fulton celebration decided Wednesday to invite foreign nations to send warships to participate in the naval rendezvous and the naval parade up the Hudson river.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York
N. Y
Hudson River
Fire injures nine in Langfell Bros store blaze in Wilkes-Barre
A Sunday fire at the Globe dry goods store of Langfell Bros in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania left nine firefighters injured and caused about 250000 dollars in damage.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Wilkesbarre
Penn
Globe Dry Goods
Langfell Bros
Sunday
Mob in Columbus hunts assailant of Mrs. Hersey
A large mob of armed men including mounted police pursues a Negro after he assaulted Mrs. W. B. C. Hersey wife of the Excelsior Shoe Co. president. He grabbed her in the cellar and gagged her with a rag. Neighbors found her.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Columbus
Ohio
W. B. C. Hersey
Excelsior Shoe Co
Nebraska widow dies by her own hand in rural Seward
Mrs W H Schroeder, 84, of Seward Nebraska, hanged herself Thursday night using binding twine and a cloth at the bed post. Authorities say no cause is known for the fatal act.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Seward
Neb
W. H. Schroeder
Minnesota Moves to Oust Standard Oil Over City Price Probe
District Attorney General Edward T. Young opened court action in Hennepin County to revoke Standard Oil of Indiana's license in Minnesota. He alleges the company discriminates by charging Minneapolis and St Paul lower prices than elsewhere, citing a state law against price discrimination between cities.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
St. Paul, Minn
Edward T. Young
District Court
Hennepin County
Standard Oil Co
Indiana
Minnesota
Minneapolis
St. Paul
Machine guns used on rioters in nitrate strike panic
Dispatches from Consul Hanna report 200 striking nitrate workers killed by government troops at Iquique after a 10 000 strong mob gathered in the plaza. The unrest, sparked by incendiary speeches, sent 20 000 strikers toward the coast, triggering a national panic with casualties among troops and locals.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Washington, D. C
Hanna
Iquique
State Department
Chile
Taggart Calls Convention for Denver July 7 1908
French Lick Ind chairman Taggart of the Democratic National Committee issued a formal call for the national convention to meet at Denver Colorado on July 7 1908. He announced a special committee on arrangements for the convention with Beat Chicago James.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
French Lick
Ind
Taggart
Democratic National Committee
Denver
Colo
Chieaee
Jame
Austral wrecked off Uruguayan coast after gale
The La an Vngetehed ant-oe SPP er Austral, once on Argentine naval service and used by explorer M. Charcot in 1903 04, was totally wrecked in a fierce gale on the Uruguayan coast. The vessel carried 26 people including the Wadel island meteorological observatory team, all of whom were saved by the Messageries Maritimes steamship Amazone.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
la An
Austral
M. Charcot
Meterological Observatory
Wadel Island
Messageries Maritimes
Face Embezzlement Charge Against Teller Hayes
Washington D C Thomas G Hayes receiving teller of the American National Bank was arrested Saturday on a police warrant sworn by Robert N Harper president of the bank charging embezzlement of 500 Hayes had been with the bank about three years coming to the city from the west His parents live in Omaha Nebraska
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Washington, D. C
Thomas G. Hayes
American National Bank
Robert N. Harper
Hayes
Omaha
Neb
Woman awarded eleven thousand in street collision suit
White Plains New York Mary S Gehan sued the Westchester Electric Railway Co for ten thousand dollars but a jury awarded eleven thousand. By consent of counsel the court reduced the verdict to the sued for. Gehan was injured in a street collision.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
White Plains
N. Y
Mary
S. Gahan
Westchester Electric Railway Co
Miss Gehan
Bank Closes In Atlanta With Depositors Standing By
Atlanta, Ga The Neal State bank was closed Monday as hundreds gathered outside to read the line This bank is in the hands of the state bank examiner. President Thornton expressed confidence all depositors will be paid in full. No other Atlanta banks were affected.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Atlanta
Neal State Bank
State Bank Examiner
Thornton
Heir to $65,000 Awakens Miller Legacy in Waverly
John W. Miller of Waverly Iowa an electrician at a sugar factory has learned through a letter that he is heir to 65 000 from the estate of his uncle Emil Miller who died recently at Helena Montana The news notes the unusual inheritance reaching a Midwest worker from a western death.
Fort Smith Fire Destroys Bank Building and Two Others
A six story Fort Smith office building the American National Bank building and two other structures were burned with a loss of 175000. J A McVitty cotton buyer and a man named Kauffman who slept in the Haglin building are missing and believed dead.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Fort Smith
Ark
American National Bank
J. A. McVitty
Kauffman
Lover's Love Rejection Tragedy Near Central City Neb
Velma Farris a 22 year old farm laborer in Central City Nebraska killed herself after a disappointment in a love affair. The incident underscores the emotional cost of a failed relationship in a rural community today.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Central City
Velma Farris
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