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This newspaper page contains 41 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Panguitch Progress
Location
Panguitch, Utah, United States of America
Date
Jan 30, 1914
Page
3
Two Maine highway workers discuss national affairs and ask Uncle David Blake who the secretary of war is. Uncle David frets, then asks what war they meant, revealing unspecified context and humor about confusion over the term secretary of war.
A promotional blurb for a Francis Rolt-Wheeler book explaining the North American Indian depicted with authoritative, fully authenticated tribal details. It notes collaboration between the Bureau of Ethnology and the Office of Indian Affairs and cites approval by leading authorities. Published by Lothrop, Lea & Shepard Co. Boston.
A child Johnnie bursts into tears over his father’s back porch accident with a hammer. The mother questions the tale as Johnnie recounts how the hammer struck his father’s thumb after missing a nail. The exchange reflects early 20th century humor and journalistic snippets.
A brief item notes the price of a seat on the New York Stock Exchange reaching eighty thousand dollars. The dialogue suggests that paying for a seat is mere chance to speculate, contrasting it with buying a seat in the senate and facing an uncertain outcome.
A collection of quips and one liners about marriage, neighbors, skeletons in closets, publishing manners, and the Four Hundred society. Quick hits include a farmer and an ultimate consumer, a goat trespass, a surgeon with a closet, and a society to curb magazines with pretty girl covers.
Keay Misa Mufitt visits a prison with Befriending Burg lars and meets a prisoner who reveals he is jailed for robbery at a seaside hotel. He bows and apologizes for his poor apartment, while Miss Muffitt questions how a refined man ended in the law.
A humorous exchange notes that Dr Emdee talks extensively about horses yet offers scant medical insight. The jab points to his reputation for betting or talking rather than diagnosing, with a sharper quip about post-mortem expertise.
A short verse wonders at a hen laying a single egg as if it could lay a corner stone. The whimsical idea paints a playful image of a hen achieving an improbable milestone in a single day.
The editor praises the story yet criticizes the hero’s automobile description as impossible. The author reveals he took ideas from his friend Bragley who supposedly described his new car to him. Judge
A local report notes a prominent young man was accidentally killed while cranking his automobile. The tragedy is described as a sad blow to his family as the community confronts the phrase about the missing self starting mechanism.
A dialect snippet shows a woman asking about an aunt’s health. The aunt replies she suffers from plumbago and the doctor contemplates an “epi slemic interjection.” The exchange captures regional speech and a light, humorous medical banter.
In Boston a Dry-Goods Man promotes bargain day as a crowd gathers. He notes selling Homer’s Iliad in the original Greek for 98 cents, highlighting the eventful sales moment reported by Puck.
A terse exchange recalls the uncle's bequest: the speaker is to receive what remains after debts are paid, and when asked what he left, the reply is that he left just debt. The humor rests on the wordplay that the remaining estate equals the debts.
A seaside guest replies with humor to an invitation for dinner, noting gratitude and readiness to attend. The resident friend emphasizes casual attire, stressing their plain, simple lifestyle. The scene hints at contrasting social forms and unspoken regrets among a circle of men.
In a Harper’s Weekly vignette, Miss Dubbkins Marrletta mocks Reginald Wimpleton’s nervous marriage plea with rapid stuttering. She asserts confidence that no further nervous strain is needed and declares she will marry, prompting a stubborn yet affectionate exchange.
Farmer Corntossel recalls a cyclone scene out west where his family was blown onto a neighbor's land. The neighbor, called mean, reportedly refused aid and instead sought a lawyer to file trespass actions, illustrating a feud sparked by a natural disaster.
A southern Maine parson visits a remote parish where the sexton warns him the place is quiet with no children. He reveals a duck nesting on fourteen eggs in the pulpit, a humorous image from Harpers Magazine.
In a playful exchange from the era the Envious Contemporary asks Miss Budding about a ring inscription. She confirms her engagement to Timid Smithkins and seeks a sweet tender suggestion. The interlocutor jokes that Eureka would be fitting.
Magazine editor requests a set of portraits of King Solomon's wives. The writer offers illustrations to accompany an article on Solomon. The item reads as a creative collaboration proposal for period imagery.
A fragment recalls a Boston baby named Jarred crying all night and a nurse who rashly claimed Bacon wrote Shakespeare. A somewhat ambiguous bridge anecdote follows where a player named Wombat led hearts and a misplayed hand leads to a whispered consequence.
Mr Gibson questions progress on a new dress as Mrs Gibson declares she will consult the police. The exchange ends with the judge presiding over the tense moment.
In a Punch magazine quip the father asks why the baby cries and the mother replies that the baby seeks his own way. The absent minded man then quips asking why not simply let him have it. The joke hinges on parental striving for control and a light social poke.
In a witty exchange a narrator contrasts past and present female education. A genteel school once taught ladylike manners while today a woman is described as learning cocktail mixing and smoking-room storytelling as part of her training.
A brief opinion note on humor and taste in polite society. The author dismisses excessive merriment while praising restrained wit that appeals to discerning readers. The passage reflects a Victorian or early modern voice valuing decorum and balanced humor.
A brisk brimming breakfast table exchange reveals the young boarder’s bromides and old slang as he asks for milk with a quirky line Chase the cow down this way please. The landlady replies with a playful jab directing to where the calf is bawling.
A vintage advertisement argues that housework burdens women and links backache and kidney trouble to female woes. It promotes Doan's Kidney Pills as a safe remedy with a testimonial from Mrs. John Brumley of Greeley Colorado, describing relief from backache dizziness swelling and improved kidney secretions after use.
A three year old with a mind of her own upends a family dinner. Dr. Oak ley Smith recalls an intimate anecdote about a precocious child who questions a reprimand by asking the mother if someone said something, changing the mood from tension to curiosity.
A Seymour Missouri resident describes years of eczema with itching burning and hair loss finally healed in two weeks using Cuticura Soap and Ointment. The testimonial notes pimples spreading across back shoulders and relief after following directions. © 1912 Cuticura advertisement promoting free samples and skin booklet from Boston.
Mrs Smith, a first time traveler, asks about the ship’s steerage and is surprised by the number of people aboard. The captain explains steerage, prompting her exclamation about how the vessel moves.
Margery and Helen, who live near each other, recall a boastful moment. Helen says they keep a butler, but Margery, after a pause, triumphantly declares they keep boarders, highlighting a sharper boast.
An advertisement urges care with a bottle of Castoria claiming it is a safe remedy for infants and children. It emphasizes Castoria has been in use for over 30 years and notes that children cry for Fletcher's Castoria.
A quirky fragment mixes dialogue on staying single and defined roles with jokes about banking balance and fortunes. It hints at a wartime mindset through playful snippets and social observations.
Kansas City Star notes Deacon Philander's blunt practicality. A minister praises growing church interest after a large recent service, but Philander quips that crowd size would change if the opera house show were free and admission charged. He juggles treasurer duties with blunt humor.
Little Caillou, a French boy, is allowed luncheon with his mother and guests on the condition he eats only what is offered and says nothing. At dessert he asks for a sardine, claiming he only wants to put his water glass in and see it float.
A high speed automobile and an express train rush toward a country road crossing. The owner urges the chauffeur to beat the train, but the driver cannot make it. The scene is set on a summer day with trees lake and steam railway nearby.
A New York Evening Post note recalls Henry, a boy who loves pretending to be a railway engine. He visits his newborn sister with solemn curiosity, then smiles and declares she will be “the tender” to his locomotive world.
During a Theodore Thomas concert tour a musician died suddenly. A telegram to the parents requested disposition, and the reply conveyed heartbreak, stating that the deceased's disposition was a roving one.
A five year old boy recounts a party where each child performed a song recitation or music. His mother laments that he could not contribute, but he explains he stood up and said his prayers proving his contribution.
A cryptic clinical drama questions authorship of a play and suggests a health department collaborated with a medical magazine. A man contends he is adequate unless his actions worsen, reflecting a skeptical view of competence and accountability.
Congress man Patrick D Norton recalls a tale where Mrs Jones bursts in with excitement about Norah trying to light a kitchen fire with gasoline. Jones responds with wry humor noting Norah was simply having her afternoon out as the incident ends with her being blown out the kitchen window.
A fragment U S newspaper item presents a humorous exchange about apples and wisdom, alongside a list of patent tonics such as Winslow’s Soothing Byrup for Children and Dean’s Mentholated Goughropa. The piece closes with a quip on humility and knowledge.
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