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Newspaper
Ottawa Herald
Location
Ottawa, Kansas, United States of America
Date
Dec 24, 1999
Page
5
A Christmas spoof from retired Brig Gen Bob Clements lists absurd base directives for a visit by Gen Santa Claus on December 25. The memo calls for nap time in pajamas, stockings hung with care, and a chimneys entry plan, signed by Ebenezer Scrooge, USAF.
Dear Heloise explains ice cubes do not sharpen disposal blades. The so called ice-cube theory suggests scouring action helps remove food and grease buildup. Recommendations include running cold water to flush particles through plumbing.
Dear reader, trochanteric bursitis is inflammation of a hip bursa near the trochanter. Rest, ice then heat, anti inflammatory medicines, or cortisone injections can relieve pain and cure the condition.
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