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Newspaper
Oak Park Vindicator
Location
Oak Park, Illinois, United States of America
Date
Apr 21, 1899
Page
8
A lighthearted collection titled Our Budget of Fu and Variety of Jokes offers original and selected gibes and ironies. Floteam and Jelaum contribute witty sayings amid tide of humor.
The Washington Star notes that when meeting a businessman turned politician who has climbed the ladder, one should offer a brief compliment. A simple expression of gladness at his arrival suffices, avoiding discussion of methods or past. Emphasize respect for his position and future plans.
A Detroit Free Press item recalls a man in Piety Hill nicknamed a good neighbor who restored a cut phone after a test call. A deep voiced official taunted him to perform odd transmitter tests prompting a rash threat to remove the line with an ax.
An Anglo Saxon caller asks Li Hung Chang if Russia and Great Britain will disarm. Li replies he cares little what they do with their arms as long as their legs stay within pulling distance, highlighting language misunderstandings.
A frightened girl calls out to Algernon as their car escapes a pursuing vehicle. Algernon remarks that he swapped a storage battery to gain speed, noting the battery will die after about a mile. The pursuer trails in vain, while hoarse cries fade in the distance.
A mother mediates a quarrel between siblings over play roles. The younger child claims the other seeks to boss, insisting it is his turn to be president and to rule as the United States leader, while the elder counters with a Dewey turn.
A Washington Star excerpt notes a French official apologizing for the president and predicting a difficult ordeal ahead. The discussion centers on public sympathy and the pressure to project a pleasant appearance.
A brief quip from a boy who studies political cartoons in Chicago is cited, noting that a monopolist is identified by his stomach. The remark frames monopoly as a matter of weight rather than policy.
A dialogue notes a father questioning the purpose of seeking guidance after an engagement. The budding financier asks whether it is prudent to marry, signaling concern over marriage timing and odds of success.
Detroit Journal excerpts a dramatic scene where a woman objects to substitutions while a man pleads, equity and desire clashing as she taunts him and asserts autonomy in a dangerous setup.
Washington Star quotes a quiet man urging army reform. He supports reorganizing the force and says more chaplains are needed, while admitting he has not studied the question in depth.
Dialogue captures cheer after holidays with a governess pleased by progress and a boy eager for a break. The scene highlights fondness for lessons and anticipation of resumed schooling routines, reflecting a light schoolroom vignette.
A Boston Journal line quotes a wife explaining why she lets her husband have his way. She says she likes someone to blame when things go wrong. The remark frames domestic humor in a witty exchange about control and accountability.
The Detroit Journal reports a tense domestic exchange as a wife accuses her husband of secrecy about his whereabouts last night. The husband responds with irritation, demanding disclosure and expressing a mood of impatience about being kept in suspense.
The Chicago News recalls Tommy's nerves as his parents celebrate a wooden wedding with neighbors sending shingles. The humor lands on the odd mishap surrounding the family event and local reactions.
Tit-Bits recounts a witty exchange where a mother asks about a husband’s gambling and the bride replies that not the husband but other men are sad. The quip highlights social 'sad gambler' humor from a historical column.
A humorous exchange depicts a merchant threatening to eject a customer while a drummer suggests calling for the porter, and the customer speculates about selling something to him. The dialogue highlights streetwise commerce and banter.
The Indianapolis Journal notes that the phrase honest politics is treated as a singular concept, with emphasis on grammatical agreement and the notion of honesty as a fixed quality in public life.
Miss Susan Wymar of Richmond School Chicago writes of relief from overwork with Peruna and credits the remedy for wellbeing. Mrs Margaretha Dauben of Racine City Wisconsin says Peruna helped during the change of life and she would know what to take if ill. Bend for a free health book by Dr Hartman Columbus Ohio.
A photographer notes that after thirty years of marriage 90 percent of couples share a strong likeness, with wives growing similar to husbands. The letter then promotes a tonic called Five Drops claiming to cure rheumatism and related ailments, marketing a 300 dose bottle for $1 and a six bottle pack for $5, with a 20 cent sample offer through May 40.
A collage of late 19th century remedies and quotes with testimonials and humorous lines. Includes Allen's Feet powder 25c sample, Piso's Cure for Consumption claim, Coat's Headache Capsules 10 and 25c, and Dr Seth Arnold's remedies. Also mentions a Drummer gag and a joke about ignorance and hash.
Five delegates from Minnesota and Wisconsin praise Alberta in the Edmonton Bulletin. They report settlers pleased with the land and its crops, noting high yields of wheat, oats, barley, potatoes, and robust stock. They plan to return, have bought land, and urge other farmers to move to Alberta.
A humorous exchange depicts Colonel Brown praised as the best after dinner speaker by one man, while another expresses disbelief in his speaking ability. The first speaker claims Brown impresses after meals, joking that Brown always says I’ll pay for it after dining together.
An 19th century testimonial asserts catarrh is a constitutional disease needing internal remedies. Hall's Catarrh Cure is said to act on blood and mucous surfaces and is prescribed by physicians. Fr CHENEY & CO advertise the remedy and offer testimonials.
A poor man laments his hungry children while the rich man counters that others have more to be grateful for. The exchange highlights social inequity with a sharp moral contrast about want and excess.
A string of advertisements hawk foot balms and cures for swollen feet and bunions, along with samples and drugstore sales. Other spots push family tonics, nerve restoratives, teething syrups, and various patent medicines with confident, promotional claims and nominal prices.
Eliza I Parker advises preparing in advance to ease spring chores. She highlights Ivory Soap for washing windows woodwork and floors, fresh soft water, alum and borax to banish insects from presses and beds, and lime for purification inside and out.
A description notes a Twelve-Lich globe in Te hirana palace where regions are shown with colored gems: England with rubies, India with diamonds, the sea with emeralds, and others.
Salzer Seed Co offers northern grown early seed corn touted for good yields per acre. Readers urged to request seed samples and learn about low prices from John A. Salzer Seed Co in La Crosse Wisconsin.
Fragmentary note states there is nothing like Coat’s headache capsules for a nervous headache and claims it is available at all druggists. No clear date or author.
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