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This newspaper page contains 16 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Newton Record
Location
Newton, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Mar 27, 1896
Page
11
A fragmented poem describes a plan to rig a prank with a string behind a gate to stop passersby and shout April Fool. The scheme yields no visitors or rewards as no one comes to witness the setup or react to the joke.
Oatcake arrives with hay and visits a town exhibit where a bear box labeled Look Out For The Bear tricks him. He later tours a dime museum and is fooled again by a red curtain gag. A beer glass gag leaves him unable to drink. At a crossing he jokes about being fooled thrice before a derailment scare. The column ends with a comic note about alligators and a whisky joke.
In a boarding house three women named Miss Brown receive a box marked for the trio. Each asks which Brown is the target. They open the box together on April 1 to find only a brick inside, prompting puzzled reactions.
A father's harsh breakfast temper leads to a brutal thrashing of his son Willie. He regrets it after Willie asks for a kiss. A morning newspaper report of a boy killed in a highway accident sparks a presentiment that Willie could die that night, haunting the father as he walks home in dread.
In a playful scene, Willie hides from his father at the doorstep. The father, expecting his child, enters to find only mist and a moment of fear before Willie emerges shouting April Fool, papa. The puzzled father does nothing in response.
A young man, eager to serve, is directed by a bewitching damsel to fetch a package across cities from Brooklyn to Jersey City. Each lead fails, the note mocks his effort, and at dawn on April 2 he collapses on a doorstep, realizing the chase is endless as the New York Journal reports.
A Chicago commission merchant known for a gruff temper was the target of a 19th century April fool. An ad sought Fifty Maltese cats, prompting a storefront procession of boys with cats. The prank unsettled Blank, who recovered only after weeks.
A long effort with a refractory heating apparatus ends with Diggles emerging from the basement with blue fingers and a red nose, declaring a plan to move something to the heater to obtain something cold, warning not to leave it too long or it will freeze. The scene captures a quirky exchange in Cincinnati.
A woman remarks that spotting the fastest horse requires observation and experience, while a veteran notes the goal is to pick the horse that will win Washington Star, implying a focus on predicting outcomes rather than speed alone.
The article explains the sphygmograph as a heart action recorder using a wrist band and a moving marker to chart pulse irregularities. It also highlights advances in photographic imaging of bones muscles and organs revealing internal anatomy and diagnosing injuries. A slate roofing innovation with a keyhole opening offers easier removal without breakage.
A Madison Square Garden bicycle show highlight describes a three position handle bar adjustable on the fly. By drawing two pegs beneath the center, riders change height instantly for comfort or to tackle hills. The design fits any machine and aids cornering and storage, preventing front wheel interference.
Four French scientists created a 42 foot diameter globe showing earth geography, housed under an eight sided iron and glass dome in Paris. The eighteen ton sphere is balanced to rotate by a hand wheel and features elevators and stairways for visitors to study every part of the world.
A collection of odd notes and inventions described include using a phonograph to detect machinery trouble in California plants, and a playful egg experiment. The Obedient Egg centers a fixed gravity by sealing a shot-filled hole, while the Disobedient Egg uses sealing wax to drag a shot mass from center, creating unpredictable tilts when released.
New York dispatch reports W. W. Howard, sent by the Christian Herald to Armenia, accuses the sultan of directing massacres and destruction. He asserts millions are destitute and that Christians face systemic oppression as a cause of revolt, urging global action or intervention.
A garbled March report accuses city officials of backing a burlesque curfew ordinance. The text hints at council involvement in vice regulation while mentioning Paris and John L. Waller in a confusing context about a release tied to a Mada affair.
The article notes that Adel mill rollers and a durable train front protection system are under consideration, with references to six states and patent copy practices. It also mentions a Vatican related note about Hyacinthe’s religious shift to the Copt faith and its Egyptian church ties.
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