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This newspaper page contains 17 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Newberg Graphic
Location
Newberg, Oregon, United States of America
Date
Nov 30, 1905
Page
7
A collage of humorous lines and brief exchanges from various papers and columns. Quick quips about marriage, bigamy, insomnia, and daily life mix with light wordplay and social banter, featuring voices from Puck, Detroit Free Press, Houston Post, Judge, and Chicago Tribune.
A back-and-forth joke about a man rescuing a woman from drowning during bath time. The rescuer is married, sparking the punchline that the event is seen as unlucky rather than fortunate.
A tract of ly 500 to 2000 acres of pasture land in the Willamette valley near the railroad. Must be reasonably priced, well watered, and located in Marion Linn Lane Benton or Polk counties. Address with full collars Buyer No. 415 Marquam Bldg Port reg on.
In a light exchange, Mrs A de Mustahd asks for Rubens works, Mrs Justin de Bunch Mercy replies all pieces are by top artists, and Cleveland Lender notes he has never seen a Rubens capable of painting.
Mark Twain contrasts European and American breakfasts. He jokes about nailing cuttlefish bone to the chimney and enjoying a metamorphic mantel pick at it with a tin bill. He prefers Pillsbury's Vitalis with cream and sugar as the quintessential American breakfast.
Mrs. Youngman laments a dead canary and jokes her husband saved money by stuffing it for her hat next fall. The quip reflects thrift humor typical of the era. An ad suggests Piso's Cure for Consumption as a bronchial remedy, with a price line that reads drumgiete, pries 95 ethan.
A Cleveland Plain Dealer excerpt notes the old counterfeiter’s son examining the apprentice’s coins. He dismisses them as not rivaling the authentic dollars his father made, signaling the end of an era.
The Cleveland Plain Dealer reports that the canteen section labeled Sthase-O contains nothing readable. The brief item highlights an empty or missing entry in the publication.
The article urges engaging youth in agriculture through college programs. It argues farming’s future rests on boys and girls and recommends accessible courses, including short winter sessions, to spark interest and guide self driven study. It advises discussing options with the state agricultural college.
A colorful note ties the North Pole discovery to a Scotchman at the frontier. It praises the Highlander as a leading pioneer famed for strength and hardy routines, attributing his physique to porridge and Pillsbury's Vitos.
Mrs Caller notes her husband smoking again despite quitting while Mrs Shopper reveals he started after buying a smoking jacket at a bargain sale. The back and forth highlights a playful domestic misunderstanding.
Vintage advertisement warns readers about mercury containing nostrums for catarrh and promotes Hall’s Catarrh Cure from F. J. Cheney & Co Toledo Ohio. It claims the product is mercury free and taken internally to affect blood mucous surfaces. Also mentions Hall’s Family Pills as a trusted companion remedy.
A collection of quips and ads appears: a Chicago Daily News light medical joke about a swollen jaw and a doctor charging two dollars, a playful foot powder ad from Allen's Foot-Ease, a promotional line offering free samples, and Robbins celebrating a Portsmouth conference with a radical universal peace stance.
In a witty exchange a husband notes he never objected to his wife talking during courtship but objects to being talked at after years of marriage. The quip captures a light domestic moment about communication styles.
A male narrator comments on Miss Flasher's back from Newport trip saying her complexion appears chestnut brown. Penn agrees noting the tan.
A noted English navigator reports sea waves along the north Spanish coast reach about 42 feet high, while readers are urged to try Pillsbury's Vitos wheat food for its quality and value, with a grocer's recommendation.
A brief dialogue features a reporter and an ogre in a humorous exchange about methods of magnates and why a Waterbury watch is carried. The ogre answers with a wry remark about winding when nothing else to do, prompting the reporter to question the gain.
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