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Newspaper
New Harmony Register
Location
New Harmony, Indiana, United States of America
Date
Nov 16, 1888
Page
3
A collection of jokes and anecdotes including Father Son beer trickery and a biting quip about laughter at a professor. Also a satirical piece on labor and Western Islanders from Elizabeth Hobius Pennell, highlighting stereotypes amid a broader, ironic travelogue tone.
A physician advises a patient on hair loss and explains that washing with soap harms the scalp. He recommends dry brushing and combing for 15 minutes twice daily, using a rubber or palmwood brush, keeping tools clean, and persisting for years for gradual, remarkable improvement.
The scene at Fraserburgh swells with one thousand boats and twenty thousand fisher folk as the season nears end. Ciacle lingers in the streets while women in clean aprons and white head-dresses gut and rinse herring with machine-like precision. The harbor hums with constant movement as nets are cleared and fish carted away.
The piece recalls Edward Livingston a prominent lawyer and diplomat, recounting a river rescue episode on a New Orleans levee. It expands into notes on the Argentine plains, the Buenos Aires to Andes railroad, and a Catholic world religion census, juxtaposing historical anecdotes with global religious demographics and migration patterns.
A collage of antiquated vignettes and quick miseries: a tramp’s plea for sympathy, an English history quip about John Howard, a disputed Henry VI era note, Tennessee inmate Dan Johnson as the youngest convict, a floated line about Queen Victor, a Tax Prince of Wales anecdote in Hamburg, and Biswarck’s canvassduck purchase.
A Detroit Free Press vignette recalls a father in Peterboro speaking to his 3-year-old daughter Mary. The child asks if he loves her, then hints at mischief and asks to keep a secret about spilling finger-howl at dinner. He reassures her with affection.
A letter from former New York Assembly leader James W. Tlcsrep praises Allvock's Porous Phasters for coughs and pains. He recalls an 188% misprint claim and recounts injuries from a wagon accident. The testimonial notes plasters cured severe colds, rheumatism in a son, and general soreness.
A parable about a Nail and a Hammer ends with a moral about usefulness. The piece cites a wide sweep of 19th century travel and emigration, alongside advertising for a medicinal product claiming universal relief from malaria constipation dyspepsia biliousness rheumatism debility and nervousness as travelers seek safer frontier solutions.
An English visitor asks the sexton the height of the steeple. The sexton says three hundred feet and recalls climbing during construction. The visitor asks about falling, prompting the sexton to point to a tombstone with the name of the man who did fall, in a grim punchline.
The Passenger Department of the Illinois Central Railroad plans a pamphlet about November 1 detailing prosperous Northern settlements in Tennessee Mississippi and Louisiana. It lists towns such as Jackson West Point Holly Springs Crowley Jennings Lake Arthur and Vinton and notes hundreds of families have settled there. The pamphlet will include letters from Northern men and dates for two land excursions south from Wingis Wisconsin Iowa and Dakota. Copies mailed free from Manchester Iowa. Also remarks on ancient arts and European painting and sculpture compared with Asian traditions.
Beginning Sunday October 28 the exclusive through Pullman line from Chicago to Denver will operate via Council Bluffs and Omaha on the Chicago Milwaukee and St Paul and Union Pacific routes. Schedules show daily departure from Chicago with connections to Denver the next day. Sleeping car fare and tickets to all Colorado points on sale at multiple Chicago offices. Contact information includes 63 Clark Street and Palmer House.
Dr. F. T. Pend has reportedly achieved numerous cures in cancer treatment at the cancer hospital in Anrera Indiana. Afflicted individuals are urged to seek treatment now, with information available from Dr. F. L. Pond of Aurora Illinois. Also notes chlorine discovery by Scheele in 1774 and its identification as an element by Sir Humphry Davy in 1810.
An advertisement touts Kemp's Balsam for coughs and colds with an offer of free sample bottles from druggists before purchase. Large bottles cost 50 cents and one dollar, and the copy urges trial as a possible safeguard against consumption. It also cites Brown's Bronchial Troches for voice strength and quotes public figures endorsing them.
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