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Newspaper
New Harmony Register
Location
New Harmony, Indiana, United States of America
Date
May 22, 1885
Page
3
A humorous sketch compares neuralgia to a comical home scene with a sick man in bed, a wife, and a jibe about toothache. The piece, quoted from Evansville Argus and Detroit Free Press, ends with a cheeky classified note inviting bids for a case of neuralgia.
The Philadelphia Times recounts a hospitality filled visit to Augusta Evans Wilson at her Mobile home. Surrounded by live oaks and camellias, Wilson discusses Southern literature, notes war’s toll, and praises Miss Brewster while revealing her daily discipline in gardening, cows, horses, and prolific writing.
A caller seeks lodging, sizing up a landlady with questions about room size, furnishings, and water pitcher. She hints at sparse amenities while the exchange underscores the cramped, marginal lodging. The dialogue hints at hardship and a stark living arrangement in a terse, humorous vignette.
John Bigelow quoted in Harper's Magazine describes Thomas Jefferson as land poor who endured credit, paying for five horses in 1801 including the notable Wildair. The piece notes scarce infrastructure in Washington at the time and the shift away from horse dependance.
Newton recalls a Lord Lyndhurst dinner where India’s widow burning was debated. Smith defends it, arguing a true wife would wish to die, but Lyndhurst’s wife would be shielded as a state duty with a judges’ procession, followed by lawyers, while clergy are absent.
A Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph snippet depicts social chatter about Mrs. Van Saltseller Splurges Biff wearing heavy diamonds at a reception hosted by Mrs Old Cheese. The talk questions her husband Spindleshank Biff’s wealth and social status, painting him as a great millionaire figure who funds her lavish attire.
"You have a very rich soil here," said a tenderfoot to a Dakota farmer. They recount a fast man who planted a snakewood cane that sprouted, blossomed, and yielded ten bushels of varnished black snakes with hammered silver heads, a curious tale from the New York Graphic.
A young woman asks Mr Smith at a church fair to compute the percent of a sale price. He, a lawyer, quips that such a transaction shifts from percentage to larceny, illustrating the joke with a tidy for fifteen cents sold for fifteen dollars.
A woman asks the matron of a charity hospital to lend eight ragged children for the afternoon. She explains her husband is in the penitentiary and intends to use the children to accompany her when she seeks an audience with the Governor.
A Detroit visitor notes radiant electric lighting on tall lattice towers transforming the city and observes a white snow glow. He discusses Athlophoros rheumatism remedy with R B Watson of the American District Telegraph and cites many testimonials from stores and customers. Mr Summers of Chicago reports a dramatic relief for a rheumatic child after using Athlophoros and urges readers to order directly from Athlophoros Co. at 112 Wall Street, New York.
A New York Mail item praises Hattie and her sister for turning modest means into cozy elegance. Despite frugal living, they craft beauty with carpentry, upholstery, and inventive centerpieces. The visit showcases a flour barrel chair, a cruet stand centerpiece, and moss adorned with roses, evoking poetry at home.
A Houston military company drilled with rifles aiming at a deserted urn door but hit nothing in the barn. The captain warned the risk if enemies fired from behind the door, while a member quipped about enemies coming around the barn corner, likening him to Texas Bogardus.
Twelve expert specialists offer constant attendance and a complete American medical and surgical organization. Send case history and address for illustrated pamphlet with particulars. World's Dispensary Medical Association, Buffalo, N Y.
A defense of persistent use of Hostetter's Stomach Bitters against disease. The author argues many remedies fail when not used long enough and praises the bitters as a versatile, highly sanctioned medicine for constipation dyspepsia liver complaint rheumatism nephritis and general aging infirmities, urging patients to give it patient trial for decisive curative results.
In a cartoonish exchange, Mr Bashful praises his daughter’s progress as an amateur artist noting a landscape painting with cattle sounds. Mr Hashful counters that his daughter Salkin surpassed that effort. A punchline references an embryonic artist and a green cucumber painting causing mock panic in the family.
A prominent Wilmington businessman thanks the maker of Mrs Pinkham's Vegetable Compound for his wife relief from ulceration and a tumor once weighing 214 pounds. He notes six years of medical care ending with a doctor saying no help remained, then the remedy led to marked improvement and restored ability to manage household duties.
A selection of period advertisements cites biliousness as cause of daytime sleepiness with symptoms like debility headache and coated tongue. It touts Dr Pierce Pleasant Purgative Pellets, Dr Sage's Catarrh Remedy, and Flys Cream Balm among cures. Also promotes Grand Union Hotel and Gault House lodging, and various tonics and skin care products from Brown, Ely, Beeson, Caswell, Hazan.
Advertisement notes the physician’s responsibility for health and life, touts Allen's Lung Balm as a long trusted throat and lung remedy for twenty five years, emphasizes absence of opium, and urges keeping a bottle on hand for immediate use.
A.S. Hileman of Addison Pennsylvania reports severe cold with bloody coughing and credits Allen's Lung Balsam with restoring health. A.J. Colbom, editor of the Somerset Herald, endorses the remedy as the best he has used for colds and coughs.
An advertisement denounces miracle testimonials for cures, arguing they mislead readers. The text endorses Hop Bitters as the true remedy, claiming consistent success and offering references or neighbors who can attest to its effects in any locality.
A Pittsburg physician joked to a sick woman to use Hop Bitters. She trusted the quip and recovered, proving the remedy effective. The doctor, amused by the outcome, laments the loss of a good patient while the patient enjoys renewed health.
A newspaper item touts Hop Bitters as a remedy that could save a year's doctor visits costing over $1,000. It claims Mr Godfrey was near death from kidney and liver trouble but recovered entirely in ten days using only Hop Bitters, despite doctors' prognosis.
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