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This newspaper page contains 6 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
New Harmony Register
Location
New Harmony, Indiana, United States of America
Date
Jul 20, 1872
Page
1
A collage of satirical verse and prose notes. It mocks a political audience at dinner with vins and champagnes, presents a playful animal parade praising wild taxa, recalls Dolly Varden, and ends with a moral about enemies and public life attributed to a Lay Preacher.
A Kentuckian and a Yankee swap horses by a wild turkey ruse and a stream crossing, proving brains over brawn. Artemus Ward and a friend mock a vagabond hailed as Ohio’s wealthiest man, then West Point News’ devil bitten by a moccasin snake inspires a joking obituary of the snake.
The piece argues each drink leads to vice or ruin, noting whiskey opens doors to prisons and almshouses, brandy harms self control, wine routes people home poorly, punch causes unwelcome violence, ale and beer shorten lives, champagne causes pains, gin slings slow progress, and port supports the weak while portly goats profit from it.
The article notes a California farm in the San Joaquin valley of 83,000 acres, with about 60,000 acres planted to wheat, and a Ford county Illinois farm of 43,000 acres with 29,000 acres in corn this season. It argues the land monopoly harms California. It also includes odds and ends: roof-shingle rule, a boys future, Albany charter chatter, a seat inquiry, a New Fairfield pineapple joke, and a London land value snippet.
An eminent Louisville clergyman denounces dancing as a sin using Bible texts, but the piece argues that many biblical figures danced and that moderate, decorous amusement does not harm faith. It urges focusing on real sins and warns zealotry can alienate secular minds and harm religion’s appeal.
A dense list of human body statistics cites a fifteen year old's estimates. It covers bones, muscles, blood weight and heart metrics, lung air capacity and surface area, brain weight, nerve counts, skin structure, and skin area under atmospheric pressure. The passage ends noting Jubilee musicians cost and a California lion killed at Hatch's ranch weighing 140 pounds.
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