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This newspaper page contains 15 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
New Harmony Register
Location
New Harmony, Indiana, United States of America
Date
Jul 13, 1883
Page
2
A playful verse follows a vain young man who travels the world in search of wonder yet finds life rougher than expected. He minds crowds and attention, with women and mothers admiring him, yet destiny promises that every dog has his day.
A narrator recounts a long misadventure at Long Branch with a charming sister and a forged romance. Fred presses for a clever ruse to unite the couple while the narrator feigns poverty to win Maud. After a dramatic plea the plan succeeds, only to be unveiled by a satin confession from the wife. The couple wed and tour Europe, where the wife reveals she never doubted the narrator’s identity.
Cap Pratt at Carlisle training school narrates the trek of an 18 year old Indian youth who sought schooling across the nation. He started with $2.75, crossed the Mississippi, walked four days and rode freights, selling his ornaments for $2.25 to eat, trudging over the Alleghenies with worn moccasins in snow.
A beekeeper, Mr Roberts, uses a bee gum and a blind helper named Phil to harvest a swarm. The plan falls apart as bees sting Roberts and Phil flees, smashing garden panels and wrecking vegetables while bees gather nectar. The comic episode ends with both men exhausted and the swelling subsiding.
A critique of Howells and James argues reform fiction with abrupt endings robs art. The piece urges clear conclusions and a fictional balance sheet to settle each character each month, contrasting Howells Realism with traditional closure. It cites Howells Modern Instance as if shot by instantaneous photography and criticizes open endings.
Describes outfits of children in San Francisco Chronicle correspondence noting dresses are long sleeved loose garments reaching the knee or ground, often in black, with patchwork-like prints. The description emphasizes the singular, shapeless appearance as a fashion climax.
A tall Montana native visits a doctor in the East claiming stomach trouble and nervousness. He confesses needing to taper off alcohol, then absurdly reveals he has substituted poison to ease withdrawal, boasting he drank vitriol and prussic acid. The doctor is left stunned as the patient departs.
A compact excerpt of health maxims stressing age, air, exercise, and diet. It contrasts change of scene with change of air and urges girls' health through active play. The quip lauds sleep and jokes about curative thinking while warning about indoor whisky milk and the cycle of dirt and disease.
A Detroit citizen, strolling with a $3 umbrella, spots a follower and dares him to take the umbrella. He chases clues through Griswold street offices and the Walker block to the Post Office, then discovers the thief with red chin whiskers had grabbed his umbrella.
In Kingston New York a worker sixty feet up on a folding scaffold froze panic and instead told a friend below to fetch a ladder. He refused to leap and kept calm until a ladder arrived, then urged no further removal of foundations. Separately the Siberian gold annual take is pegged at six million dollars with the first discovery early in the century and expedition costs around three thousand dollars.
A satirical essay questions why humans ignore rats as a food source, comparing them to ducks and other meats. It cites culinary experiments in Kent, Chinese markets, and Arctic voyages, noting perceived flavor, diet morality, and the historic use by sailors and explorers amid hunger and prejudice.
The piece recounts circus culture with veteran manager W G Coup describing the cry Hey Rube as a dangerous rallying call and its history in fights. It notes the mine depth at Pottsville Pennsylvania, where 200 cars of coal descend daily during peak season, each trip just over a minute.
Rams command from 1000 to 2000 dollars in Australia while first class mutton sells for 87 cents per stone in Adelaide and Sydney, highlighting wide price gaps in livestock and meat markets.
A collage of short quips and anecdotes from a bygone era. Jokes about beavers at work, pie offers, band serenades, two tramps and common time, lazy labor, freckle cures, and a baby nuisance. Includes comic misreads, puns on writing, and rural country humor with punchy one liners.
Georgia Major notes the bill to protect and preserve the right of trial by jury passing unanimously after a lively exchange. Si asks who will hurt the jury while Pete explains a juror from the depot who feared a two seven’s consequence. Albany features a 70 year old bachelor who has never touched tea coffee cake pie or women.
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