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Newspaper
Muscatine Journal
Location
Muscatine, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Feb 08, 1908
Page
11
A satirical list assigns valentines to public figures Chauncey Depew Thomas Platt Thomas F Ryan Perry Belmont Uncle John D J W Morgan and others with humorous captions about wealth power and hypocrisy. The piece mocks financiers editors bankers and politicians in a punchy cartoons style.
A young man with a farmerish look jokes about the Valentine season at a stationer's shop. He recalls gifts from June to New Year and contemplates one last attempt tonight, threatening to end the pursuit if she does not say yes. The speaker signs as Joe Kerr.
The item mocks modern valentines by printing a line of poetic verse with blanks for readers to fill in. It includes playful couplets about devotion and marriage, ending with a quip about the cost and a cartoonish signature. A second joke references a husband failing to recall a Lincoln cherry tree tale.
An old bachelor recounts buying potatoes from a Michigan farmer who refused to sell to others. The seller’s daughter, an old maid, inspired a $2 valentine, shifting business as the farmer offered top price but demanded a discount for his future son in law. The tale ends with the bachelor declined and barred by a watchful bulldog.
A playful verse seeking affection from several named ladies, each stanza pairing romantic longing with references to their wealth and status. The speaker asks Saint Valentine for success in winning love and notes plans to label the letters as Lot No. 1, ready for sending or reattempting with altered names.
A poetic valentine speaks of steadfast love, comparing it to a river and sunlight. The speaker vows pure, sanctifying devotion that colors every moment and page of life. The verse emphasizes quiet strength and enduring affection.
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