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Newspaper
Mooresville Times
Location
Mooresville, Indiana, United States of America
Date
Jun 12, 1908
Page
2
A collection of quips and observations on society politics and everyday life from The Mooresville Times. Jokes touch on spelling heiresses insurance kings and bankers with light humor about public office and maritime life through a dated local voice.
An English scientist says the North Pole is moving south due to weariness from discovery. It is noted that George Washington traced his lineage to King Edward I, and given his deeds, no one will fault Washington for that ancestry.
Curious readers seek the location of Mrs Hetty Green’s vast funds during the New York City financial stringency. The question hints at her liquidity and lending to capitalists amid the era’s economic pressures.
A Scottish inventor who created a gun capable of firing a projectile to Paris from London contemplates designing bagpipes whose sound could be heard over the same distance.
A man who dropped 30000 dollars in an attempt to corner limburger cheese claimed he believed there were millions in it though they may be too small to be seen with the naked eye.
A wife offers to bet her husband $10 she can obtain a divorce and win liberal alimony. He quickly accepts the wager, and if she is granted the alimony, he may regret his sporting blood for backing the bet.
A Cincinnati judge holds that a husband has the duty to accompany his wife to ball games if she wishes to attend. Critics say the ruling reflects outdated views and questions whether the judge has ever attended such events with a woman.
The Atlanta Constitution argues for unity and harmony to restore industrial confidence and credit, noting broad interest in maintaining good wages and supporting economic stability.
The New York Sun argues there is no excuse to delay raising the Maine and calls for Congress to appropriate funds and for the president to carry out the will of the people.
The government accepts the battleship Mississippi and faces accusations that she was built on antiquated lines and may not withstand a serious battle against larger ships, risking collapse after a single engagement.
London gas meters using penny-in-the-slot machines cause copper coin shortages. The British mint mints about four tons daily to meet demand. In 1907 gas meters emptied 1336 tons of pennies from circulation as they are opened only every three months.
A case of ptomaine poisoning from prepared bologna bought in a South Bend grocery caused the death of 7 year old Harold Bunn. A Shelbyville jury sentenced Leslie Brundrant to life imprisonment for the murder of Charles Coleman in Rush County last March. At Terre Haute social settlement night school, Pentecho Pentchoff, a Bulgarian, preached anarchism and burned a red flag as foreign students helped.
Returns by Madison County tax assessors indicate a decline of more than $1,000,000 in property values for the year compared with last year.
All candidates on the Republican and Democratic state tickets and members of both state committees are invited to attend the annual State House picnic this year.
Dr. Helene Knabe, acting director of the state bacteriological laboratory, warns of a hydrophobia epidemic in the state, noting a rise in cases, particularly since Christmas.
After waiting since 1871, Maj Julius Waldschmidt of South Bend receives a $2.97 tax rebate from the United States government. The small check marks a long wait for a modest refund.
A disastrous fire last week in Ft Branch destroyed houses and other property valued at least 30000 dollars. Thousands of bushels of grain and flour were burned in the blaze.
Mrs. Mary Hinshaw aged 82 mother of Rev. W. E. Hinshaw serving life in Michigan City for wife murder died at her home seven miles south of Winchester.
Three year old Floyd of Shelbyville died after being accidentally shot by his six year old brother on the front porch. The elder boy had a shotgun and both children were playing soldier at the time.
Figures by R. B. Oglesbee show assets of Indiana state banks rose from 59,264,787.32 to 61,286,206.71 in the three months ending May 14, reflecting an uptick in bank holdings and liquidity.
Cy Huber of Connersville received a $50 fine with costs, five year disfranchisement, and reformatory sentence for petit larceny after stealing a 25 cent chicken.
Two farmers named Sunday and Day near Martinton have large families. Sunday has five sons and Day five daughters. Three Sunday sons have already married Day daughters. With two remaining brothers courting the others, the union seems to favor Day becoming Sunday by end.
Robert Moore of Logansport shot Rastus Brown a Black man after claiming Roosevelt would be nominated at the national Republican convention in Chicago. Brown is in St Joseph's hospital with a broken leg while Moore is a fugitive from justice.
Republicans of the Tenth district anticipate a GOP barbecue at Brook Farm the Roosevelt invitation likely to attend and deliver an address.
Clarence Asbey aged 51, originator of the plan of representing famous statuary with living models, and a famed poser in that art, died in South Bend after a two year illness. He traveled nearly twenty years with P. T. Barnum's circus.
Richard Thomas aged 70, a renowned Indiana philanthropist and widely read figure, collapsed and died of heart disease while writing a letter at his Columbus residence. He was a retired capitalist noted for charitable work.
Haynes Hackett, once a switchman in the Monon Railway yards at Monon, was awarded $40,000 in damages by a Chicago jury after both legs were severed by a train a year earlier. The verdict confirms the responsible party’s liability for the injury.
Hope poultry raiser J. F. Thompson sends a pen of white Plymouth Rock chickens to Honolulu and learns the birds won first prize in the local poultry exhibit.
A farmer west of New Albany reports a calf with a taste for chickens has eaten several young birds over weeks. At Brown's Corner east of Huntington an Odd Fellows meeting drew curious married women who climbed trees and ladders to glimpse the rites, prompting a vote to prosecute once discovered.
Arthur Thomas son of a London multimillionaire admitted traveling to inspect his father brewery interests and was fined for violating the city speed limit. He joked about voting as an American if he could reclaim the fine and travel costs. In Bloomfield two boys rescued a 33 pound catfish from Richland creek after it wedged between a mill dam log and a stone and hauled it ashore.
A pending insanity decree in the bride's case halted the marriage of William H Carmichael and Pearl McCormmick of Kennard as the minister began the ceremony in Newcastle. The illness had caused the decree to be issued and later pass, and the minister was alerted by Clerk Burgess to stop the ceremony. The couple were told the dissolution would allow them to wed.
Purdue University students will abandon the old time tank scrap as a method of deciding class supremacy. A convocation hour discussion led to a plan retaining useful features while ending brutal stunts. Vanquished students will be escorted to a bonfire and painted before performing the traditional stunts under faculty oversight.
Evelyn praises a learned man while Natica suspects knowledge and admits the man wears her out. The light exchange captures a comic, weary tone in a brief illustrated Bits snippet.
Boston mother asks why the infant cries and hears the reply I have never indulged in introspection. A Pittsburg Post humorous exchange captures the absurdity of a toddler’s mood and a parent’s puzzled care.
Banana skins are burned to ash to create an alkali mix used with water and palm oil for a cleanser. The product is in demand among both white settlers and local natives on the west coast of Africa.
A Philadelphia Press exchange notes Kwater praising brevity as the soul of wit while an observer counters that brevity is not always essential but is always commendable.
Simple and attractive little frocks for small children and growing girls are here illustrated. Any model suits plain or figured materials of the season, offering practical yet stylish options for fashionable youngsters.
Fashion Editor at 400 Century Building Indianapolis invites readers to send ten cents and request Paris Pattern No with size address and name. The readable items describe girls and childs garments including one piece dresses, jumpers, reefers, and Russian dresses in sizes from 2 to 12 years.
A Kingston street scuffle between two Black women ends with dust, water, and a tussle. The onlooker asks the cause and is told in a soft drawl that they were “jess foolin’.” The scene dissolves into laughter as bystanders watch.
The article recalls Prince Joseph Poniatowski, father of Prince Stanislas Poniatowski, who died in Paris. Appointed ambassador from Tuscany, Napoleon III made him a senator amid protests that he was not French. The senate president defended the lineage by noting Marshal Poniatowski’s aid at Leipsic, preserving the situation.
A suburban quarrel over chickens escalates into deadly violence as a neighbor defends garden seeds with an ax. The exchange ends with one man cleaning his axe and the other denied roosting justice. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch recounts the feud.
A clerk in the war office questions a stout gentleman in the boss's room and learns the man is Secretary Taft. The private secretary confesses unfamiliarity, noting two years’ service only. The vignette captures a moment of recognition and office intrigue.
A clipped verse item claims life lost its charm and a sudden death was wooed by going to Kentucky where he monkeyed with a feud in reference to a Philadelphia Ledger remark.
A pair debates marriage while a coin toss becomes a proxy for love. She hesitates between two suitors while he insists on a decision. He finally wins her with a risky spin and a kiss as the coin soars.
A Cleveland Plain Dealer snippet questions a man’s title as an actor while noting he works with a theaterium machine. The exchange hints at ambiguity over his profession and how to label his role in the performing arts scene.
The lesson from John 21 presents Jesus guiding Peter after the Resurrection. It covers Peter's threefold charge to feed Jesus' flock, prophetic death, and the exchange about John, ending with teachings on meeting and following the Lord.
Sympathetic Air notes a young signal service officer preparing for an experimental balloon voyage. The Baltimore American quotes his wife as being upset and anxious about the daring undertaking.
The exchange shows Borus pleased with his latest work while Naggus grumbles that the book lulls him to sleep in minutes, reflecting a satirical literary mood from Chicago Tribune prose.
A light comic exchange imagines a monkey moving to the city next week. The ape replies he will work as a cashier for an organ grinder, underscoring a playful urban vignette.
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