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Newspaper
Monticello Express
Location
Monticello, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Mar 15, 1906
Page
4
A collage of brief quips and vignettes follows a New York Sun poem about people hearing different calls. It features a teacher misrecognizing a man on a train and a humorous exchange about Senator Knox claiming not to smoke, saying he is merely smoking a cigar from Senator Dolliver.
A visitor at a convict prison asks a prisoner what crime led to his incarceration. He replies robbery at a seaside hotel. She further questions whether he was the proprietor or head waiter.
A punished boy omits his father from nightly prayers accusingly. His mother prompts him to bless papa, stressing concern for his safety if hurt or lost. As the father returns home, the boy hesitates then braces himself to plead with courage.
A playful text describes cows as four legged animals with long tails and big ears that wiggle. It touches on size, barn aims, color variations, milk production, and a brief non sequitur about a dog and a riddle about milk and dresses.
A humorous reflection on praising a woman through her children and a mother hoping for a Christian wife for her son. The note promotes travel via the Nickel Plate road east from Chicago with three daily through trains, modern dining car service, and low fares to cities including New York City and Boston. Tickets and details available at Chicago depots and the Adams Street offices, directed to General Agent John Y. Calahan.
Mammoth Bronze turkey gobblers offered for sale with contact G H George. Old Farmers Mutual Hail Insurance invites agents in Iowa townships. W A Rutledge sec'y Des Moines. Also low rates West and Northwest rail fares to California and North Pacific Coast with tourist sleeper options and stopovers. Contact Chicago Milwaukee & St Paul Railway or ticket agents for details.
Atlanta Journal notes Poultney Bigelow plans another investigation in Panama. Sam Kendall of Philipsburg Kansas quips about warm locales for the trip. Local ad copy promotes Bucklen’s Arnica Salve promising quick relief for burns and skin ailments at O H Soetje’s drug store. Senate actions threaten gambling in territories, while the president once canceled an invitation to Tillman after a senate fight. The White House may extend an invitation again as Tillman attends the clash.
An advertisement promotes Kodol Dyspepsia Cure to aid digestion and relieve belching and discomfort after meals. It claims Kodol digests food and sweetens the stomach, sold by O. H. Soetje, a Topeka druggist. The passage ends with a stray note about Empress si An being killed multiple times.
Advertisement warns against counterfeit witch hazel salve and promotes E. C. De Witt & Co. Chicago as the original. O H Soetje druggist stocks De Witt’s salve in Philadelphia. Ledger notes March arrival tarries with a duck joke rather than lions or lambs.
A collage of claims for Dr King’s New Discovery for coughs and consumption, Rocky Mountain Tea, One Minute Cough Cure, Kodol Dyspepsia Cure, and various druggists endorsements. Includes testimonials from Ora A. Stephens and Mary H. Walters, with prices and trial offers noted.
The notice lists daily sleeping car service from Chicago to Hot Springs with connections at Memphis from Cincinnati and Louisville. It highlights through Dixie Flyer Sleeping Car Line from St Louis to Jacksonville via Nashville Chattanooga and Atlanta. It notes Illinois Central weekly excursions to California with through cars to Los Angeles and San Francisco via New Orleans and the Southern Route every Friday from Chicago and Tuesdays from Cincinnati and Louisville, and via Omaha and the Scenic Route every Wednesday from Chicago.
In a bold assertion the practitioner says he never experiments or fails and avoids incurable cases, yet he has reportedly cured thousands deemed beyond help.
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