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Newspaper
Monticello Express
Location
Monticello, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Jul 31, 1902
Page
4
A reader asserts S S S dramatically improved long standing eczema after many failed remedies. The letter hails the tonic as a cure following decades of discomfort and notes personal relief after using several bottles.
An 18th century style ad touts Electric Bitters as a universal cure for stomach, kidney, liver, and nervous disorders with guaranteed satisfaction. It also notes Kaiser Wilhelm’s political broadcasts and promotes Buecklen’s salve and a skin remedy from O. TE. Soetjo’s drug store at 25c, highlighting sensational claims and varied products.
General Shafter attended the opera with the McKittricks and other families from Bakersfield, praising the entertainment value for the price. He poked fun at Wagner and Die Walkure, noting one must be born in Germany long ago to fully appreciate the Ring cycle, and called Wagner “like piano tuning” for him. He declined to return.
An English paper recounts John Philip Sousa in uniform standing on a railway platform when a traveler asks if the 9:30 is gone. Sousa replies I really don’t know. The man insists questioning his purpose. Sousa coolly says he is the conductor of a brass band.
James J. Hill, famed railroad figure, visited a Waldorf Astoria cigar stand and asked about large round glass bottle cigars. The clerk said they are popular at Christmas but not kept. Hill replied that someone sent such cigars to his room and he gave them to the chambermaid to decorate the room.
Ed Gilmore of the Academy of Music and Colonel Jones of the aquarium chat at the Fifth Avenue hotel. They note Senator Stadler was out gunning and report he bagged a pair of duck pants at the knee in a playful exchange.
The narrator recounts Kipling’s preface about a traveler with a bag. A companion asks what it contains. The reply says mongooses to kill snakes, but the brother does not see real snakes. The twist reveals the mongooses are not real.
In a country estate near Russell Sage, a financier asks for the best feed for chickens. Mr. Sage answers with a dry joke about pennies nickels and dimes, delivering a humorous quip in the style of the New York Times.
A list of unclaimed letters remaining in the Monticello post office as of July 28 1902 includes Jas Boyd D C Countryman Paul Gifford A F E Jenney W J Dunnebeck Grant McClain Anna Lenggenger Rev S W Street D E Porn and P M.
Farmers should note a line of farm machinery will be sold at bottom prices and will meet all competition. J. A. Voorhees.
A vivid dialogue scene captures daring riders racing toward distant hills. Nell and Duroc lead in a spirited horse race as wind and taint of town fade, celebrating freedom, art, and nature's scent over urban life.
A Thirteenth street barber laments Christmas season losses with about 20 percent of regulars skipping cuts three days before Christmas and not returning until January, noting the growing tipping habit and customers leaving town for holidays as the cause. The remark appears in the Philadelphia Times.
English girls' class quiz yields humorous answers. One girl defines bearing false witness as when nobody did nothing yet somebody told of it. Another student explains beef tea by buying a tin of beef extract and following lid instructions. A third names warmth foods as cayenne pepper and Jamaica ginger.
At the University of Rochester professors give unknown compounds to students. George Van Vrooman heated a redhot platinum wire in a bottle, causing an explosion that revealed the contents as gunpowder. He survived but was wounded in hospital.
Vacation time brings outdoor play and minor injuries. DeWitts Witch Hazel Salve is praised for quickly easing pain and preventing serious consequences from cuts burns and wounds. A testimonial from I B Johnson of Swift Texas supports its effectiveness while warnings against counterfeit products accompany a brief unrelated note about a sea captain incident.
An herbal remedy claim asserts constipation causes illness and proposes De Witt's Little Early Risers to stimulate the liver and aid bowels without gripping. The text abruptly shifts to a naval blockade analogy and urges protecting the king of England and nearby Oyster Bay as a presidential hint.
Mrs Lois Cragg of Dorchester Massachusetts endured a severe lung ailment and stubborn cough. She credits Dr King’s New Discovery with her complete recovery after other remedies failed. The ad promises a 50 cent to 1 dollar cure with a free bottle offer and guarantees relief for coughs colds throat and lung trouble. A second note links Emperor William to sermons and reform of German student drinking habits.
An old ad touts quick relief for coughs colds croup and throat troubles claiming immediate action and safety. It also markets Putnam Faperss Dyers promising DIY and professional dyeing results with a 10 cent package sold by druggists.
Advertisement touts August Flower for dyspepsia and liver complaints citing sour stomach headaches and heartburn. A peculiar family note follows, recounting a West Virginia maiden Partridge marrying Robin then Sparrow and Quaayle with two Robins, three Quayles, a Swann grandmother and a Jay relative now a bird of paradise.
W R Trott of Chicago touts Batesing Laxative Tankers as providing permanent relief from chronic constipation after a decade of struggle. Ad highlights chocolate coated tablets 20 for 10 cents and 60 for 25 cents with cascara sagrada as active ingredient. Made by Lakeside Med Co Chicago, sold by Bacher & Abel. Canada proud of its 860 lobster canneries. remark frames lobster as a commercial compliment.
L W Spalding of Verona Missouri cites long distress and indigestion in his mother. After two years she improved quickly with Kodol and, at seventy six, eats anything without fear of ill effects with a bottle nearby. The ad urges addressing the cause and claims Kodol digests food to rest the stomach and strengthen the body as a natural tonic.
Notices advertise Dr King New Life Pills as quick aid for digestion headaches and bowel issues at 25 cents from H Soetje's drug store. A Cleveland minister delivers a shirtwaist sermon stirring audience while another ad promotes Putnam Papenuss Dykes colors offered by bell?g. Sold by druggists a 100 package.
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