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Newspaper
Monticello Express
Location
Monticello, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Jul 25, 1912
Page
5
This fragmented humor piece notes varied quips from politics to social clichés. It mentions a Baltimore divorce demand, a California suicide, praise of American girls, a New Yorker building a large dog house in Lenox Massachusetts, and jokes about milkmaids, coal gas, kissing laws, and Persian shah cutlery.
The report denies finding the Mona Lisa and explains no catastrophe occurred. Despite fears, people continue daily life and sustenance remains stable worldwide.
Scientist Metchnikoff reports finding microbes in dogs that he believes could extend human lifespan. The remark invites skepticism about extending life through canine biology.
A Jersey City boy dies after a combination of a frankfurter a glass of lemonade and a ball game proves deadly. Health warnings rise as strenuous activity during hot days aids danger.
In Pittsburg a judge endorses a law barring a intoxicated rider from street cars. A proposed alternative would charge the passenger an extra fare for his burden.
A philosophical question asks how many runs a team would win by if players announced they would defy umpire decisions before the game began. It implies an uncertain, hypothetical scoring advantage without factual basis.
A humorous note praises the human stomach's resilience as a camper cooks his own meals during a summer trip. The anecdote emphasizes toughing out rough eating while outdoors.
A Belgian stamp has been withdrawn from circulation due to the image of the king showing a squint. The issue was deemed unsuitable for use and removed from postal service with collectors seeking the rare canceled pieces.
A traveler reports that two laborers in Egypt survive on eight cents per two days, with a note that the workers likely do not eat porterhouse steak more than once daily.
A young vaulter named Wright clears thirteen feet in pole vaulting, clarified as not related to the Wright brothers of aviation fame though the athlete shows notable prowess in the sport.
The proposal to card catalogue every public school child in the country reveals how easily a statistical mind can devise work for itself and create new job roles in data management and recording.
A claim that Japanese language lacks swearing is linked to poor performance by Japan’s first class baseball teams. The contention suggests language barriers hinder players from venting at umpires and rivals, impacting intensity and confidence on the field.
An out of control car struck a wagon carrying about a half ton of dynamite in New York. The incident produced no follow up legal action or proceedings. The piece notes that modern products fail to always meet opportunities or face consequences.
Nine Oregon girls who traveled to New York to view the city found little beauty in what they saw. They propose they may have been biased, though they conced the view down the bay was fairly pleasant.
Scientists at a medical conference in Atlantic City warn against excessive kissing of babies. They argue baby voices would applaud if they could speak up about the practice.
A New Jersey dog dashed through the home to alert the family he belonged to and saved their lives. The tale elevates canine bravery, promising apologies to such noble animal heroes amid similar thrilling rescues.
The formal dedication of a new 950,000 hospital in Washington Iowa drew a large crowd at William Perry Wells park. It is Iowa’s first county hospital under a Thirty third General Assembly act, three stories high with reinforced concrete and Bedford stone trim. The facility offers twenty five beds with future expansion and aims to serve all county residents regardless of ability to pay. Prior to public opening doctors inspected the building. later the public toured the interior.
Mason City leaders aim to preserve the Iowa State league by filling Clear Lake vacancy with a second team. Charles City has been approached and is considering joining. If Port Dodge quits, league stability may be at risk and the group will press to keep the circuit intact.
The Mills county board of supervisors voted against the petition to straighten the Nishna river for five miles in northeastern Mills county. The proposed district would encompass 5,100 acres of productive land.
In Swea City the cheaper farm lands are increasingly bought up. J. L. Vans sold 100 acres northeast of town at 373.50 per acre to the Kossuth County Land Company, while Frank Jacobs sold a quarter section nearby to W. B. Packman and W. R. Jacobs for 75 dollars per acre.
Sioux City livestock merchants celebrate a world record for hog receipts on Tuesday with 13,168 head, beating Chicago's 312,440 in the latest market tally.
Raymond Batchelder aged 11 a messenger for Postal Telegraph company is hospitalized in Ottumwa after a collision with a delivery wagon. The wagon shaft pierced his right lung and doctors report the injury serious.
School census shows Cedar Rapids has 2882 children of school age not attending. Report notes 205 more girls than boys spend several hours daily on their studies.
William Severance, 25, died after being thrown from his seat while mowing near New Stratford. He could not be saved after the incident with the sickle bar, and the death occurred within minutes.
The Fort Dodge district of the Methodist church will hold its annual camp meeting in Eagle Grove at Hewitt Park from Tuesday until the evening of July 25. Sessions will be at Hewitt park.
Ralph L. Parks 17 of Lebanon Kansas visiting his aunt drowned while swimming in the Mississippi River opposite Ft Madison. The incident occurred during a visit to the area.
Retired farmer Clayton Johnson drove across Northwestern tracks in Glidden when a passenger train struck the car killing Alis Johnson and badly injuring Johnson. The incident halted traffic as rescuers attended the scene.
A tramp who had his legs amputated after a wreck in a creek four miles west of Newton on Saturday died following an operation at Colfax.
William P. Culver a well known farmer of Marshalltown drowned in the Iowa River after rescuing his son from a near fate. The death followed heart failure brought on by exhaustion as he neared shore.
In Lehigh a bond measure of 20 thousand dollars for an electric light and waterworks plant passed by a margin of 172 votes. The final tally was 260 in favor and 7 against.
Des Moines reports a state house day at the state rifle range. Governor B F Carroll and the executive council with their wives visited the camp, inspected the range, and enjoyed a mess hall visit. Women guests tried revolver shooting after watching officers practice.
The summer Bible conference begins Sunday at Coe college Cedar Rapids drawing noted speakers including Bishop William S. Lewis formerly of Morningside college Sioux City Professors Shaller Matthews James E L Snowden and C M Coburn and ministers Amos W Parton G A Johnston Ross Henry I Cope and William Fnomth Griffiths and others
The Badgrows start an alligator farm at Spirit Lake on West Okoboji. Six six foot alligators arrive from the gulf and a second shipment is expected. Plans include about twenty reptiles led by Old Joe a reputed 200 year old monster.
Spirit Lake Racing Association announces a speed matinee at Spirit Lake track on July 27. About twenty horses are in work there and five entries already listed in the entry tree for all trot, with expectations the track and county records will be lowered in the race.
The Northwestern Hotel Men's association will convene in Des Moines on August 6 7 8. A committee mounts extensive arrangements for the entertainment of several hundred delegates. The association spans five states Iowa Nebraska Minnesota North and South Dakota.
The annual Mississippi Valley Spiritualists' association camp meeting opens at Mount Pleasant Park on July 28 and closes the last Sunday in August. Hundreds of visiting members from across the midwest states are expected to attend.
A spectacular blaze gutted the coal sheds of the J. H. Henry lumber yard on the south side of the Chicago & Northwestern railway tracks just west of the Belle Plaine Canning company buildings. Firefighters battled the flames but the sheds sustained extensive damage.
Sioux City announces plans to build a $100,000 ice plant with daily capacity of 300 tons on the west site. The project proceeds promptly to a completion goal.
Iowa City reports Secretary W J McChesney of the state university of Iowa has resigned to the state board of educational centers and urges that W H Bates, the assistant, be appointed secretary.
Davenport reports a drowning as Mrs. John Rusmant, 21, married two months, and her husband fell victim to the Mississippi river while swimming opposite the city’s lower end. Neither could swim.
Oskaloosa city council awarded a contract for four miles of sanitary sewer to J Cathro of Omaha. The council also ordered automatic water gates at eighteen grade railroad crossings to improve safety.
B. F. Bossert of Tipton was awarded the contract for constructing the new button factory here. M. G. Eegers of Buffalo has entered into a contract to operate the factory.
Davenport report states Mrs. Cora Bradley, a deaf mute employed in a cigar factory, drank carbolic acid claiming factory girls caused her distress by harassment.
First lieutenant James Mars of the Second Cavalry U S A will be the new commandant at the State University of Iowa. An official order from Major General Leonard Wood in Washington directs Lieutenant Mars to report August 15.
A lightning bolt struck the Methodist church at Grove Center seven miles northeast of here, igniting a fire that completely destroyed the building. No injuries are reported. The blaze followed the strike, leaving charred ruins and investigators assessing the scene.
The Rev. R. C. Crowley aged 4 a pioneer Presbyterian minister of Corning died Wednesday at the home of his daughter in law Mrs. M ws Rowley in Briggsville NL where he had been visiting.
Mrs. W. J. Mitch ell, wife of a Benton county farmer, died instantly when a buggy horse was frightened by a passing motorcycle and threw her. The incident occurred near Cedar Rapids, underscoring the danger of traffic to rural travelers.
Lincoln Steffens described secret talks with Clarence Darrow over possible guilty pleas by J. J. and J. B. McNamara to settle the McNamara dispute. He said the plan was discussed with the citizens' peace committee and jail plans were revealed to the McNamaras.
Attorney General Stead argues the Lorimer election was invalid and creates no vacancy. Governor Deneen has not decided whether to call a special session to fill the seat. The ruling cites Mantle and Quay cases to support that no vacancy exists under the Constitution.
The Senate adopted a modified Bailey resolution by 35 to 23, deeming any effort by a president to sway a Senator's vote a violation of the Constitution's spirit. The debate followed Taft's interference in the Lorimer case, highlighted by his Boston speech and a January letter to Theodore Roosevelt.
United States holders claimed first in the 1600 meter relay and the Decathlon on the closing day, while Australia won the 800 meter swimming final with the U S finishing second. Team standings show the United States at 128 points, with Sweden and Britain following. James Thorpe of Carlisle Indian School shines in the Decathlon.
Herman Rosenthal proprietor of a gambling house is killed in a New York street attack. Five bullets strike him in the head at the morgue as police hold a driver named Louis Bibby. Rosenthal’s widow accuses police while eyewitnesses say at least one officer rode in the car.
Carmi Thompson of Ohio begins a new post at the White House as the fourth secretary to President Taft, though his nomination has not yet reached the Senate.
Chinese troops repelled Tibetan forces after a retreat from Tatsieniu. In a battle near Litang in Szechuan province on Wednesday, about 1,000 Tibetan soldiers were killed.
President Taft on July 19 named Luther Conant deputy commissioner of corporations to be commissioner of corporations succeeding Herbert Knox Smith who resigned. The appointment places Conant in charge as the administration reshuffles the corporate oversight role.
Esther W. captured the 2:11 trot and the $10,000 purse in Kalamazoo Michigan on Wednesday. The young mare has been a Pennsylvania county fair favorite this year.
A jam of short items from multiple cities reports a fake infernal machine story at the White House being exposed after publication. The Senate adopts a timetable for tariff bills with July dates for wool excise and sugar measures. In Pittsburg speculation places Grand Trunk president Charles M. Hays in coal deals before the Titanic tragedy. A Barren Run cloudburst drowns nine people including Mrs. Raymond and six children. Kalamazoo track events report Joe Patchen Jr. failing in a heavy track pace due to rain.
One woman is dead and ten other Chicago residents are ill after eating toadstools at the Essington summer home of Paul Redieske, ten miles north of Joliet, on Tuesday.
Paris July 18. Hubert Latham famed Anglo French aviator and aviation pioneer died after being struck by a wild buffalo in the Chari river, near the center of French Sudan.
The senate approved a resolution by Senator Tillman calling for the United States to construct the greatest warship feasible under modern naval conditions, aiming to bolster national defense with a formidable battleship.
A report from Pittsburg dated July 18 notes an insane man who has been a prisoner for twenty years, with his parents acting as jailers. He was admitted to the Dixment asylum from Indiana, Pennsylvania.
Postmaster General Frank Hitchcock testified before a senate committee that Taft campaign records filed in Albany were correct showing 1908 contributions totaling 1,655,518.27 dollars. He noted 620,150 dollars came via state committees and said no corporate gifts were received due to a new prohibition law.
Chicago dispatch reports a coram of Burlington officers at Aurora found responsibility for the Denver Limited train wreck near Western Springs. The Omaha fast mail collided with the rear of the United, killing thirteen. Blame pinned to engineer George Bronson and flagman John Woodworth.
New York July 17 officials state that the express rates set by the Interstate Commerce Commission will not generate sufficient revenue to cover operating costs.
Mrs Allen Hart Webb files suit for damages against attorney William Hemparfey of Masaulon Ohio for alienation of her husband’s affections. The claim lists $50,000 and notes the date July 17.
Rome July 17 dispatch from General Garioni reports that his division attacked and dispersed a large Turkish force at Sidi Ali west of Tripoli after a six hour battle.
George Swift former Chicago mayor left an estate of 3100,000 to be divided under probate proceedings. Lucy L. Swift named sole beneficiary in the will filed with the probate court clerk.
Senate panels heard W. F. Sheehan recount a $1,000,000 Democratic campaign fund in 1904 with contributions from August Belmont Thomas F. Ryan and others. A $10,000 Sugar Refining Company gift to a state committee was returned before cashing, amid questions on large donors and regional contributions.
Sea Girl New Jersey July 20 The campaign committee to run Governor Wilson's presidential bid was selected at a conference at the nominee's summer home. The 14 member lineup includes national committee figures William F. McCombs Josephus Daniels Willard Saulsbury A Mitchell Palmer Joseph Davies Will R King and outside members Senator Gore O Gorman Reed Congressmen McGillicuddy Burleson McAdoo.
A Reno report says a cloudburst wiped out the Seven Troughs and Mazuma mining camps and many were killed. Doctors are rushing to the scene as communications are cut off and details will come later.
Granville Mooney former speaker of the Ohio house declined on July 20 to serve as assistant secretary to President Taft preferring to stay at home in politics.
The body of Nathan Swartz, accused of killing Julia Connors, was found on the fourth floor of a Chrystle Street tenement. The case centers on the earlier allegation by Swartz’s father to police.
The conference report on the rivers and harbors bill was adopted by the Senate. Senator Nelson noted the current bill carries 23,209,370 dollars, down from 26,365,000 dollars as passed by the House.
London July 20. Statistics published here show Lloyds losses from steamship wrecks in the six months ending June 30 1912 were 261 375 000 dollars. This exceeds the losses for the same period last year.
Jewelry valued at twenty five thousand sixty dollars vanished Thursday from the sidewalk in front of a loop building while a guard and hundreds of pedestrians observed.
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