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Newspaper
Monticello Express
Location
Monticello, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Jul 11, 1912
Page
6
A string of satirical quips reflects on society, fashion, politics, and daily life. The notes mock tips, aging, labor issues, fashion trends, luxuries, and public figures, with tongue in cheek commentary on modern manners and domestic life.
A Connecticut sheriff died from the excitement of stopping a baseball game. The humorous remark notes sheriffs should share the sternness of umpires. A scientist claims the average body could yield seven bars of soap, contrasted with certain appearances. New York back drivers seek police protection during late hours to curb excessive fares.
A Chicago club incident sees Walters strike over a new tipping ban. The remark questions a waiter's view of self with disdain for sycophantic behavior.
A college professor argues boys misbehave due to items kept in pockets while girls lack pockets and must wait to use a band bag to carry their stuff. The remark contrasts gendered habits and prompts commentary on social norms.
Pittsburg police superintendent Thomas McQuade states he will not interfere with innocent spooning observed in city parks. He emphasizes a compassionate approach while ensuring public decency and safety.
Mo states that TB deaths are decreasing while urging continued caution and open windows to improve airflow in affected areas.
A nature faker in Colorado asserts ownership of a lamb described as having a hoof at the end of its tail. Although the tail trait does not raise value, the expression of the lambs kicking itself spares it considerable trouble.
Walter Brookins and fellow aviators seek to curb circus stunts to protect young riders. They argue that removing spectacle early would keep many promising pilots pursuing aviation careers.
An American lament contrasts actors in Austria who earn twenty dollars monthly with favorable conditions to the more arduous, poorly compensated rail workers. The piece notes enviable Austrian pay and work life amid broader discussions of labor and entertainment.
A historical medical claim suggests women read faster than men due to freer blood flow in the brain’s rear region. The idea is framed as a technical expression for preferring to read the ending first to see how the story resolves.
A report highlights the disparity between the number of retired admirals and active ones, noting 149 retirees compared with 28 serving officers. The figures suggest a sizable reserve of senior leadership outside active duty.
The passage contrasts a seed cataloguer, an honored Ananias club member, with a prominent amateur who writes summer resort literature, highlighting differing levels of achievement.
The piece compares global coal consumption estimated at two billion tons to an individual’s winter furnace, noting many men feel their own furnace burned nearly as much during the past winter, implying personal hardship and energy strain.
A German scientist declares the intrinsic value of the average human body as 7.21 dollars, asserting no person should feel like a mere thirty cents. The claim reframes bodily worth as a measurable economic figure.
The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court decides a woman is not required to lift her dress in a car's light. The ruling imposes on the company the duty to take measures to prevent her tripping. The case reflects evolving tensions between law and gender expectations.
Ames rural life focus at Iowa State College conference on improving churches and schools and boosting neighborhood social activity. Leaders agree open country needs new churches and preachers, better public schools and teachers, social activities, cooperation, and improved homes to keep pace with changing times.
Grantees of Marshalltown public utilities who secured gas electric and street car franchises start laying out a power route to Toledo. The plan taps Quarry Legrand and Montour between Marshalltown and Tama and Toledo. Street car upgrades and heavier steel line development will begin soon.
At a Sioux City meeting, a three member committee was formed with authority to hire counsel and conduct a thorough investigation into the merits of the recent telephone merger, expected costs under consolidation, and the potential for creating a new independent company.
A pony owned by William Etherington from the Harris farm near Beaver Park caused a near fatal incident when it stepped onto an interurban track as a car slowed. The animal was ground to pieces under the wheels, narrowly saving the passengers.
Two young men arrested by Sheriff Russell for stealing mail sacks at the Chicago Milwaukee and St Paul depot confessed their guilt and were moved to Dubuque to stand before a federal court.
Fort Dodge militia units shattered prior state marks at the rifle range, posting a new total of 1,178, two hundred more than the Des Moines 1910 state trophy. Enthusiasm runs high as both militia companies push rifle practice.
The Northwestern Iowa War Veterans association held its annual reunion here, ending July 4 after a three day session. Several thousand people attended with prominent speakers and multiple bands and drum corps.
Practically two blocks of land have been optioned by the Holy Family Catholic parish for a larger church and a school in Mason City. Three years ago a site at Washington and Seventh was bought and a church was built, but the current structure is regarded as inadequate.
Roy Emery aged 21 of Highland Center was killed by a lightning bolt near Highland while sheltering with his employer R W Doak in a barn. Doak was knocked down but survived the storm.
Eight year old Marie Kennedy, daughter of Mr and Mrs Charles C Kennedy, told parents she was attacked on the way to a store by a man described by her but not found.
The Congregationalists of Marshalltown have bought a corner Main Street lot for 7700 dollars. They plan a church with a total cost around 25000 dollars.
Mrs. J. W. Scott of Knoxville, wife of a prominent citizen, died from burns after a kerosene explosion while she was trying to rekindle a smothered coal fire in a kitchen range.
Celestino Moskareini an Italian worker was fatally injured when a large soda tank exploded while being filled in Clinton. His head was blown off and his body was mutilated in the blast.
Des Moines Iowa July dates set for officers school and Iowa Rifle association meeting at the rifle range. Funding uncertainty may halt the plans if the army appropriation bill fails. Brig Gen James Rush Lincoln to command the camp with Capt Robert McCleave as inspector-instructor for Iowa guard.
Mills county supervisors consider a plan to build Northeastern Mills County Ditch a five mile drainage project to straighten the Nishna Botna River toward the Pottawattamie county line Prominent farmers back the proposal and a decision is due July 8 in Glenwood Iowa.
Judge McHenry issues a temporary restraining order blocking the Degree of Honor of Iowa Grand Lodge from merging with the superior beneficiary jurisdiction. The grand receiver is barred from transferring lodge funds to the superior jurisdiction.
A Friday parade of air calamities begins with the Akron balloon catastrophe near Atlantic City claiming Melvin Vaniman and four crew, and Calvin Vaniman. Miss Harriet Quimby and passenger Willard die in Dorchester Bay after a thousand foot Bleriot plunge in Boston. Captain Bayo of Spain dies from injuries after a June 29 air maneuver.
Anita area farmer Thomas Hardison, a well to do resident five miles southeast of Anita, died by his own action after reportedly taking poison from an empty whiskey bottle found near the well. He leaves a wife and four children.
DeWitt Martin Peterson, a leading Calamus hardware merchant, reportedly became temporarily insane in his store, ignited himself after saturating clothing with gasoline, and ran into the street. Rescue efforts failed and he died several hours later.
Mrs. J. W. Scott died from kerosene explosion injuries after Saturday accident. Her daughter Mrs. Clyde Kirkwood, formerly of Des Moines, was seriously burned in the rescue attempt.
Mrs. Daniel Maloney, wife of a young farmer northwest of Knoxville, suffered probable fatal injuries in a barn lot runaway. A fractured skull indicates no expected recovery.
Tama Webster L. Bowen, 78, shot himself in the head at his daughter Mrs. A. E. Jackson’s home, unable to sleep. He was well to do and owned a fine house in the area.
Two hundred Burlington shopmen from Creston and their families spent the annual outing at Prescott aboard a company supplied special train, departing in the early morning.
In a ten round match near Dubuque Jack Heinen of Chicago quit in the sixth round against local hopeful Frank Klein after a fast battle on an island north of Dubuque.
Dan Evers, 19, of this city drowned in the Mississippi River while swimming near Albany. Two men who attempted the rescue nearly perished in the effort.
Judge Kelley at a short session overruled Glenn Gulliver's motion for a new trial after his conviction for attempting to rob the Orchard bank.
The body of Fred Lehman a well known retired farmer from Dakota City was found lying in the river above the Dakota City mill dam.
Cedar Rapids mourns the death of W. M. Martin longtime publisher of the Selon Economy who led the paper for fourteen years and died here on Tuesday at age seventy.
Le Mars report of M A Teager a 60 year old laborer firing on John Hart 17 after a quarrel over bicycle riding on the walk Hart was wounded five flesh wounds Teager held to the grand jury for the incident
Fire tore through Badger's business district causing about 25000 dollars in damages with 16000 dollars insured. A bucket brigade battled the flames with limited success.
Mrs. Belle Horton, wife of Commandant Charles C. Horton at the Iowa Soldiers' Home, collapsed and died of heart failure. A former Muscatine resident, she was described as 600 years old in error.
John R. Amidon a Cedar Rapids banker died Monday. He marched with General Sherman on the march to the sea and fought in the battles of Chancellorsville Antietam and Gettysburg.
Mrs. Frederick Dent Grant and her daughter the Princess Cantacuzene travel home to the United States. They have been abroad since General Grant's funeral and are en route to New York.
Reports from Peking say a group of financiers offers to lend President Yuan Shi 50 million dollars with no conditions or foreign supervision. The proposal, dated July 6, aims to support Yuan's government without external oversight.
Pittsburg July 4 Rev Dr W D McFarland a prominent educator found guilty of causing the death of his secretary Elsie Dodds Coe by an operation was sentenced to one year in jail Tuesday.
Columbus judge E B Dillon was nominated for governor on the fifth ballot Tuesday. The surprise choice came as Dillon had been a candidate for the state supreme court justice post.
The east bound Los Angeles Limited of the Chicago & Northwestern struck an automobile at Nelson's Crossing two miles west of Geneva Illinois. Four occupants from Granger Indiana were killed including N Anderson and Mrs Anderson both beheaded. George Hanley and James Hanley died from injuries. The engineer halted the train and rescuers found the victims near the crossing.
W. E. D. Stokes touring car struck Alma Benson fifteen in Bayonne New Jersey at Broadway and Sixteenth Street. Stokes and his companions rushed the badly injured girl to a hospital where surgeons found a shattered hip both arms broken fractured collarbone and internal injuries.
Kid Lavigne once the greatest lightweight champion was sent to St. Joseph's retreat, effectively an asylum, after his wife sought care amid escalating tantrums. He faced a court charge of disturbing the peace as family members supported the petition for confinement.
Billy Papke defeated Moreau after 15 hard rounds at Cirque Paris to claim the middleweight championship as Moreau quit the contest.
Four people buried and many injured after the New York and Boston express derailed on the Nickel Plate railroad three miles west of Valparaiso Indiana on Tuesday. Engine tender mail and baggage cars left the track in the ditch.
Rev. Rees Wilmer Perkins, president of Leland University in New Orleans, a Baptist preacher and educator, was found dead Tuesday in a Philadelphia rooming house. He was a noted writer and educator in his field.
Vice President Sherman returns to Utica from Big Moose after planned stay failed due to altitude. He left Big Moose on July 3 and resumed duties in Utica, New York.
President and Mrs Tait arrived from Washington to attend the national Saengerfest in Philadelphia. They were given an ovation during their visit Monday as the festival proceedings continued.
Regina Sask July 3 A cyclone struck Sunday night causing extensive ruin. Thirty six bodies recovered and death toll expected around fifty. Militia recalled to aid rescue as city loses power and telephone service. Loss estimated at five million dollars, possibly twice that.
Washington on July 3 reports opponents of Maj. Gen. Leonard Wood were defeated as the military affairs committee re introduces the army appropriations bill without the ten years active service clause for chief of staff eligibility. The bill also drops the joint commission on abolishing certain posts. A separate joint resolution keeps government department appropriations for a month, passed by Fitzgerald and clocked via Alexander of Missouri as presiding officer. Hay added a special resolution seeking 1.3 million dollars for army maneuvers this month.
John W. Waterbury dubbed a Marathon pianist played nonstop for thirty hours thirty minutes and fifty five seconds in Brockton aided by a nurse who fed and shaved him. Elsewhere a motor racer nicknamed Dare devil Hunter died in Luna Park collision and earthquakes rattled Trent Boggia and Cerignola with no damage reported. Kansas City workers and officials join to build a 30 mile rock road from Kansas City to Lansing Kansas.
The grave of Tom L. Johnson former Cleveland mayor in Gretmwood cemetery was decorated Sunday with a wreath sent from the Baltimore convention via Cleveland Mayor Baker. George M. Kuehne and William Keough placed the wreath on the grave.
London reports a grand naval assembly with 239 warships of every kind to be drawn up in six lines along thirty miles. Nineteen admirals will helm the flags from multiple fleets, surpassing last year’s coronation commemoration at Spithead.
Richard C. Kerens, ambassador to Austria Hungary, sold his stake in the German American Press association that publishes the St Louis Times. Edward L. Preetorious and others purchased the holdings in St Louis.
John Cooney of Sidney Nebraska died in Fort Collins Colorado after a yawn allegedly expelled a gall stone through his abdominal wall. He endured hours of pain before death.
A major blaze in North Adams Massachusetts on Tuesday destroyed a large portion of the heart of the business district with an estimated loss of 600000 dollars. The fire ranks among the most disastrous in the city’s history and prompted widespread alarm and emergency responses.
Walter Dearth, manager of the Pana Gas and Electric Company, is in jail in Pana charged with bigamy. A warrant alleges the man married a second time while his first wife remained. The case centers on alleged marriage details and custody or bigamy implications.
West-bound Lackawanna train No 11 crashed into the rear of passenger train No 9 near Gibson New York killing 41 and injuring 50 to 60. Bodies piled from debris and many unidentified including a young bride and a child. The express struck while No 9 stood on the track with two day coaches toppled down an embankment.
In Las Vegas New Mexico on Thursday Jack Johnson was declared winner after about nine rounds of foul fighting in a Queensberry rules bout with Flynn. Referee interceded repeatedly as both men were warned for holding and dirty tactics until Capt Fred Fernoff of the state police halted the contest. In Los Angeles Ad Wolgast beat Joe Rivers after twelve rounds in a light weight title bout with a late low blow sparking a two hour postfight melee.
Six thousand spectators including the aviation expert Thomas Moore's fiancée witnessed a parachute tragedy after a balloon ascent at Hill side Pleasure Park Belleville New Jersey. He plunged 800 feet into Union Avenue Nutley, near the departure point.
Canadian and Australian negotiators seek closer trade relations under an empire pact. Talks have been ongoing since January to deepen economic ties between Canada and Australia.
Nellie Grant Sartoris widow of Algernon Sartoris and daughter of Gen. A. G. Grant wed Hon. Frank H. Jones in Cobourg on Thursday.
Under cover of darkness the rebel army withdrew 25 miles north of Mapula Bachimba after a retreat they admit to being defeated.
Miss May Sutton of Los Angeles, former women's singles champion, defeated Miss Mary Browne, the 1911-12 champion, in Pittsburgh on Monday by scores of 6 4 and 6 2.
Newport R I July 3 The battleship Louisiana which ran aground Monday afternoon about a thousand yards north of Hog Island light in Narragansett Bay came off at high tide late Monday night without damage.
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