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Newspaper
Monticello Express
Location
Monticello, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Jan 05, 1911
Page
3
A collection of jokes and oddities from The Monticello Express includes wit about schools film work and dressmakers, a wild list of social quirks, a bridge playing insanity ruling, an aviation fashion forecast, a 60 mph auto wedding, a new federal penitentiary in Atlanta, and a Long Island judge valuing education at $8 000 a year for a girl of 16.
The Panama canal gates will weigh 60 000 tons this construction milestone. A planned Halloween stunt involves an international bad boy attempting to hang the massive gates on a neighbor's fence.
A Virginia man cannot remember his own name and is considered for potential roles such as a professional juror or a dummy director for major trusts. The remark suggests a humorous or satirical take on his memory and suitability for these positions.
The text notes that small children prefer rag dolls to costlier varieties. At tender ages the price tag fails to influence their choices.
A man fell three feet last week and broke his neck while another man, same day, fell a mile in an aeroplane and was not injured. Pedestrians should carry aeroplanes.
The quote envisions future human achievement and compares it to mastery of swimming and flight, suggesting even greater feats to come after perfecting aquatic and aerial skills. It uses a salamander’s fiery basking as a metaphor for extraordinary human potential.
San Francisco highlights three suburbs with a combined population over 200000, surpassing all U.S. cities except New York in that metric.
A commentator argues that women who can spend thousands on jewelry to impress others should also be able to cover customs duties. He contends luxury spending reflects taxable capacity and should not escape tariffs.
From later returns it appears the common people of England do not fear American collars as much as the nobility. They accept them less eagerly since they receive them in smaller amounts.
An English bishop apologized for violating speed laws stating he did not know a policeman was behind the hedge. The remark was deemed as plausible as a burglar’s excuse.
A fragment suggests a claim that whisky is not good for snake bites and that ideals of life may fade as futile ideas fall away. The text presents a cryptic view of progress and wellness with an expert voice challenging common remedies.
Des Moines hosts a two hour Iowa good roads conference with 300 participants including 22 future legislators. Speakers call for a state board of public works, centralized road management, county responsibility, and increased state aid to support highway construction and drainage.
New York reports Joseph G. Robin, chair of the bank’s finance committee, is declared insane and sent to sanitarium as the Northern Bank of New York with nine branches and nearly seven million dollars in deposits is closed. The case, linked to Robin’s control of allied firms, is set for grand jury review next January term.
Clara McIntyre an 18 year old orphan living with the Youngs was shot at the supper table around 6 30 PM and fatally wounded. Cecil Lockart 19 was captured west of town after a long chase and confessed to the shooting. Authorities placed him in the Oskaloosa jail. A lover s quarrel is cited as the motive.
Sioux City reports 4 year old Robert Orr son of M J Orr a plumber fell into a tub of scalding water and died from burns.
Des Moines marks Iowa’s sixty fourth birthday on December 29. The state was admitted to the Union on December 28, 1846 when Congress passed the act and the president approved it.
Mason City December 29 Justice Joh C Sherwin of the Iowa supreme court is confined to bed with a severe illness He hopes to report to Des Moines soon for duty and has been resting at his home during the illness
Dec. 29 Fort Dodge report of 22 year old switchman H M Rehrer of Illinois Central fatally crushed while coupling air hose on a long train near Tara. Drawbar collision mashed his head, death instant.
Conductor Frank Wagner a pioneer worker for the Northwestern railroad company died at his home in Roane on December 29 after a brief illness of pneumonia.
Judge A Z Blatt reports 852 true bills for selling or buying votes in recent elections. Two hundred twenty six men pleaded guilty in West Union. fined for their bribe, disenfranchised five years, and given suspended six month jail terms. Grand jury to indict additional suspects, with over three thousand expected.
District Attorney Sime asked Judge Kohlsaat to dismiss the dissolution suit against National Packing in U S district court. The court entered an order dismissing the case as the government moves to pursue criminal prosecutions of the individuals involved.
Glenn Martin of Santa Ana, an amateur aviator, completed three circuits at the aviation meet in Los Angeles during a practice flight on Tuesday without injury.
Chicago report says three year old Max Hirshck' died after a fire started in a clothes closet while he searched for Santa Claus. A lighted garch caused the blaze in the home.
Governor Marshz of Indiana refused clemency for William E. Hinshaw, a former preacher serving life for wife murder and violating parole. Four paroles were announced for other prisoners at the state penitentiary, drawing national attention to the case and protests opposing pardon.
Arch Hoxsey of the Wright team lifted to 11474 feet at Dominguez field Los Angeles in a 30 mile gale. The feat, breaking the 10499 foot record set at Pau France, drew 77000 spectators who cheered as he landed near the grand stand and endured numb cold. He won a prize of 3000 dollars.
Sydney, N. S. W. Dave Smith, middleweight champion of Australia, scored a decisive victory over Billy Papke, claimant to the world middleweight title. The fight went to Smith in the tenth round on a foul as Smith led each round and Papke appeared off his best form.
Eleven inmates escaped from the city farm near Kansas City after burning a window frame to squeeze through a gap. The facility had an honor system and was unguarded at the time of the break.
The trotting stallion Neddie Connors died Tuesday in Lexington of uraemic poisoning. Owned by Dr. W. H. Hors of Maysville, Ky., the horse was valued at $20 000 and had a track record of 2 09.
In Bellevue far below Dubuque Charles Hyler a wealthy lumberman aged fifty eight reportedly shot himself at his home amid alleged personal despair. The death occurred in his Bellevue residence and is described as a self inflicted act.
In Cleveland Ohio Ralph Shannon aged ten died Monday from convulsions after attempting to hang himself when his mother refused to take him to a moving picture show. The incident highlights a tragic youth self harm related to denied entertainment.
Madrid deputies pass the government padlock bill by 108 to 20 after a stormy session. The measure bans new religious establishments until concordat revisions or new laws are enacted, with the senate later approving an amendment limiting the interdiction to two years by 149 to 58.
United States minister John B. Jackson says no political revolt is likely in Cuba from General Guerrera followers or conservatives and that earlier fears were unfounded. Washington reports Cuba plans six vessels for coast service under the government.
A donor, George L. Rives and Robert W. De Forest announce a 1.3 million dollar pledge to perfect the affiliation between Presbyterian Hospital and Columbia University Medical School. Edward S. Harkness adds funds to the gift.
A clash occurred between Arabian gun runners and a landing party from the British cruiser Hyacinthe near Bushire Persia. Arab casualties were 40 killed or wounded while British losses were 14.
Professor Emeritus of rhetoric and oratory at Harvard University Professor A S Fill died at his home in Boston on Monday at age seventy seven. He authored influential books on rhetoric and public speaking.
Fire blamed on careless smoking by Odd Fellows members wiped out the former south’s famed opera house in Norfolk Virginia Friday. The building suffered an estimated loss of 150000 dollars.
Liverpool reports boxer Jim Holand died from injuries after a Thursday night bout with Dick Knock of Loudon Knock was arrested.
Senator Cummins now in Des Moines states a senate move to unseat Senator William Lorimer will proceed regardless of a minority report. He expects the Lorimer charges battle to be prolonged with Beveridge or Frazier possibly submitting minority views, confirming a assured fight.
Washington. President Taft released Monday a letter to the secretary of the interior commenting on the engineer officers report on uncompleted reclamation works. The letter mainly summarizes projects deemed feasible and worthy of 20 million dollars. Taft endorses the engineers reports and plans to transmit the full report with a message when Congress reconvenes.
In Mexico City anti American feeling surfaced at a bull fight honoring visiting Japanese naval officers and cadets. As the Japanese entered the arena cheers for Japan were met with immediate cries of Down with the Americans and repeated hisses whenever pro Japan chants arose.
Washington reports fear of a new Honduran revolt. Secretary Meyer orders the gunboat Yorktown, from Corinto Nicaragua, to Amapala Honduras to observe and report on conditions along the west coast. Amapala has long been a focal point of General Valarares opposition to President Da villa’s government.
Troops were dispatched to the Dominican Haitian frontier after reports of a battle in which several were said to be killed. General Firman is reported to have raised a revolt as his followers clashed with loyal troops amid a financially strained and poverty ridden republic.
In London reports no word on Cecil S. Grace the American born aviator who disappeared Thursday on a return flight from Calais to Dover. A fleet of cars scanned England's east coast and warships patrolled the shores while wireless messages queried the missing flyer.
Neighbors smelling gas forced entry into a Hammond home Tuesday and found a broken gas pipe in the basement. Victims identified as Mrs. Fred Krugel sixty Joe Krugel eighteen and Mathilda Krugel twenty.
A series of light earthquakes were reported in Imperial on Tuesday with two shocks stronger than the rest. Local residents reported the tremors felt across the area with no immediate damage noted.
Dr. W. Enser announced Monday that cats spread tuberculosis and menace families. In six months his 200 post mortem exams found tuberculosis germs in each examined feline.
Shanghai reports three million people in Jiangsu and Anhui provinces are slowly starving due to famine. Advices received Monday describe widespread hunger across rural areas and shortages of food and relief.
Under State Dairy Expert Hugh G. Van Pelt the Iowa State Dairy Association will dispatch a fleet of specialized trains across the state. The multiple car unit includes an engine three lecture coaches a diner a sleeper and a dairy farm compartment. The tour opens January 3 with stops in Oelwein Riceville Alta Vista and many other towns as it broadcasts dairy farming practices to farmers statewide.
The Des Moines Orpheum hosts a week starting January 2 featuring Louise Meyers Mildred Warren and Bert Lyon in a one act sketch A Little of Everything. The trio offer singing and dancing novelties with Meyers as the maid and a lively prima donna narrative.
An explosion in the slag dump of the El Paso mine smelter killed Fiorentino Navarro instantly and left eight to fifteen men buried under tons of slag.
Neddie Conners, a trotting stallion owned by Dr. W. H. Hors of Mervsville, Ky., died from uraemic rationing. The horse had a track record of 2:09.
An early morning blaze at Woreland race track in Sioux City, Ta, destroyed six barns and killed nine horses belonging to Trek Conley. The fire caused an estimated $10,000 in losses.
Dec. 23 in Des Moines the city council unanimously adopted a nine foot gas price plan described as a measure to regulate fuel costs. The ordinance passed after hours of discussion, with officials citing consumer protection.
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