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Newspaper
Moline Review
Location
Moline, Illinois, United States of America
Date
Nov 24, 1876
Page
8
A playful verse about poets praising milkmaids and early risers fails to convince the speaker who brushes aside rustic romance. The narrator jokes about mornings in fields, nettles, and the risks of waking lovers while asserting practical cautions about waking duties and courtesies.
M F R Nipher describes an optical illusion using a three centimeter diameter paper tube. With a sheet folded into a tube and viewed from one eye, a hole appears and objects beyond seem visible through the tube. Concentration and lighting affect transparency, while a substitute can mimic the effect using unsized paper and ink spots.
A faded notebook fragment recounts a humorous President Grant anecdote about a horse bought from a butcher for two hundred fifty dollars. The tale includes a jokey exchange with Senator Conkling and ends with Grant’s quip about preferring money to the horse.
A boy of about ten years works at Lane Street but is fired after misreporting dispatches. A Paris cafe keeper uses a sugar‑drinking dog to subsidize his shop. A government placard urges protection of hedgehogs toads and moles while promoting insect control and paying children for May bug collection.
The speaker boasts of plans to undercut competitors by offering shaved customers benefits and even paying to shave. He describes past incidents where rivals or locals were shamed in public, mentioning costly promotions and coercive tactics, and laments the mounting pressure.
Ma Moiddlerb laments misfortunes from a torn trouser hem to a broken knee as he notes rent declines. Mrs Middle rit agrees that business is improving while they stroll to town, discussing daily life and oddities in a small shop district.
A tale shows a crown prince chiding a timid valet for flustered answers. The servant’s awkward courtesy irritates the heir to the German throne, who orders improved behavior. The scene ends with the prince finding the servant smiling oddly and a drunken remark about Moltke.
In a lively street scene two Black men discuss late night results near the American hotel. Jones exclaims the bulletin board shows Mister Javes elected by one vote, a startling turn that delights the crowd and mocks any chance of his rival’s victory.
At the central market yesterday Oretruit Fie Press reported political excitement lasting about four weeks. She noted her thirteen boarders have eaten half as much tea as usual since election day and praised abundant butter, biscuits, beef, and coffee as men rush to hear the news. She hopes for one more week to save for an India shawl.
Bar ny O Toole and Patrick Moran appear before Fifty seventh Street Police court with worn faces and a rambling tale about Hayes and Tilden in the election. The column also notes walnut timber plans, childhood accidents, wheat exports, saloon arrests, a dramatic jumping girl, hydrophobia cases, bounty scalps in Napa, a county immigration bid, and early railroad pineries logging hazards across multiple locations.
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