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Newspaper
Marshfield Times
Location
Marshfield, Wisconsin, United States of America
Date
Jul 31, 1912
Page
9
The piece recounts a German prince amused by English, a chaplain’s misquoted text provoking laughter, tourism threatening Edelweiss flowers and a law proposal against collecting alpine plants, and a quip about four cigars left on a mantelpiece illustrating quirks of speech and daily life.
Dialogue shows Slowpay scolding his tailor for empty pockets and the tailor replying he misread Slowpay's finances. Quotation style mimics humorous period speech with misspellings and mock dignity.
A satirical epigram notes that real luck in love lies in avoiding the right spouse. It quips that God was patient yet never found a cat asleep on the plane just after varnishing, framing marriage as a humorous caution.
A teacher reports indigestion from a simple breakfast of eggs and toast. Switching to Postum and Grape-Nuts with cream improved health, weight gain, and energy. The letter, attributed to Postum Co, urges reading The Road to Wellville and notes new testimonials appear periodically.
Civil War notes recount August 1862 actions across Virginia Maryland Kentucky Missouri and North Carolina. Union forces under Pope Crawford Sherman Butler clash with Confederates near Warrenton Orange Court House Hanover and Memphis while raids seize towns and disrupt supply lines. Memo lists captures battles fortifications and policy orders affecting troops and civilians.
The Rhode Island state sanatorium reports that ex patients earned over 266060 dollars in 1911, about three times the maintenance costs. Ex inmates earned 102762 dollars from 170 patients, with weekly wages from 2 to 431 dollars. About 84 percent of treatment days were free, averaging 200 dollars per patient, while many families had no income or savings.
Chicago dentist Fred Porner at a Dental association banquet riffs on right versus wrong with a quip about an odd story. The tale involves a man jailed for finding a horse before its owner loses it, highlighting clever misunderstandings and the line between logic and luck.
The Washington Star notes a wife's argument swayed Mr Chuggins to purchase an automobile. She highlighted the economy of keeping gasoline on hand to clean flames avnth, underscoring practical fuel savings.
The narrator reflects on how society tends to miss the rising figure until his ascent becomes evident, noting the paradox of attention and recognition in merit and success. The piece implies that awareness often lags behind achievement, emphasizing humility and timing in ample or forthcoming prominence.
A western Kentucky black man faced a calf theft trial. His wife Mandy visited the jailer Grady asking about a lawyer. Grady pressed her to hire counsel. A voice overheard urged Mandy to get a lawyer and a very good one.
Senator Dixon denounces political deception as a flagrant act. A station scene unfolds with two men, one short, discussing tickets and a whispered ruse. The taller man asks about a beard while the other suggests calling it a mole to pass through gates.
A Boston ad promotes Paxton Toilet antiseptic, claiming it cleanses, germicidal action, and is suited for back-fastening dresses. It promises a large trial box to any woman upon request, reflecting period social norms and consumer pitches.
Stella asks for views on a summer report. Bella replies with a playful exchange about love and the moonlight, touching on romance and companionship.
Fragmented ad copy touts pain relief products from J. W. Cole & Co. offering free samples and claiming quick healing with no scars. Mentions Black River Falls Wisconsin and a mix of testimonials and dubious claims about soothing strep, chilian teeth, and young friendships.
Peoria and Jessup women praise Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound for ending inflammation and pain after doctors suggested surgery. Mrs Christina Reed of Peoria reports two years of suffering cured and offers testimonials. another patient, Mrs Josefha Lynch of Jessup, credits two months of use with becoming well after planned operation.
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