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Newspaper
Mansfield Press
Location
Mansfield, Missouri, United States of America
Date
Mar 19, 1909
Page
2
A Mansfield Missouri paper relays a string of satirical snippets on modern cleverness and politics. It covers noiseless fee ideas, roped burglary in New York, anti-swear stovepipes, big guns, иnternational fish trade, and a Connecticut girl forgetting her name. It also jokes about Turkish tobacco, Irish staying at home, freak clothes in tailoring, Texas bachelors, farm hands uplift, Jules Verne in China, and a sneer at political youths.
A old state proposal urges a study and practice of eugenics to improve Boston and the commonwealth. The correspondent notes the plan’s wide implications and questions its ethical merit as correspondence schools promote networking via advertised programs in England aided by telephone and telegraph photography.
American warships visited 26 ports across the globe last month as officers from Britain Italy France Greece Turkey Franco Algerian Nicaragua Chile and Venezuela greeted American naval commanders simultaneously. Other American forces operated in Chinese waters and the West Indies. The era described reflects a time when the American flag seemed to have the day’s light never ending.
A New York man learned he had inherited ten million dollars and collapsed dead from the shock. Authorities will determine if someone else may be affected by the startling provision and its consequences.
The 1907 report shows NSW total production across all industries at 50 million dollars, up 20 million from 1904. It owns 18.9 million acres of arable land and carries a public debt of 44 million, with 85 percent tied to revenue producing public works.
A property owner who meddles with a painter causes poor work and wasted money. Interference fuels delays and subpar results, while hiring a skilled painter and trusting their methods saves costs. The piece promotes National Lead Co. resources for owners, including a House Owner's Painting Court No. 49 brochure.
A brief exchange has a messenger named Samson instructed to take a box to the depot. The dialog focuses on confirmation of name and the delivery instruction given by a superior. The scene centers on a simple, direct action involving the unnamed narrator and Samson.
In a trial involving a man who attempted suicide, a harsh lawyer hounded witnesses until Pat, a meek Irishman, testified. When asked why the accused tried to kill himself, Pat replied calmly that the man said he wanted to die, and even the judge briefly laughed at the exchange.
A Brooklyn maid left in charge of a mistress’s children returns to a comic scene. Asked how they behaved, the maid says nicely, but the kids fought terribly to decide who was behaving best. Harper’s Weekly.
A Washington woman reports habitually drinking coffee caused diseases and rheumatic attacks. She says stopping coffee and using Postum restored her health, improved sleep, and eliminated rheumatism. The letter cites Postum Co. and promotes The Road to Wellville.
Practical tips on feeding, pasture design, and equipment for farms. Emphasizes roomy cow housing, early grain for lambs, cement use for silos and barns, and keeping machinery ready for spring. Includes poultry notes on feed, egg weight, and a famous hen Peggy valued at high price. Describes soil testing with blue litmus paper to check for lime need.
A rural agricultural note discusses dairy cows alfalfa hatching seasons and using scales and a Babcock tester. It covers milking machines as labor savers, proper barn hygiene, manure management, worm prevention in horses, and a proposed modern abattoir at Ames Iowa to teach breeding and feeding outcomes for cattle sheep and swine.
In Paris, a banker known as M. X- was lured into believing he had been named general manager of a new Moroccan government bank. He rode a camel at Jardin d Acclimatation while his friends watched, and he now travels undercover to avoid embarrassment.
Captain George P. Bliss of Morris Manitoba describes healing from dry eczema after two years of itching and sores caused by weed dust. He used Cuticura Soap and Ointment, reporting relief in ten days to three weeks and regained ability to wear boots. Endorsed by Potter Drug & Chem, Boston.
The cheerful model asserts art as livelihood and brushes aside poverty as not a crime.
A New York firm claims dramatic cures for epilepsy and nervous disorders using an “epilepticide.” It offers free trial bottles, literature, and testimonials by mail from the Dr May Laboratory at 548 Pearl Street, New York City, to all who write.
A dialogue contrasts gender expectations and truth in romantic speech. Mr Stubb muses about the last word on earth, Mrs Stubb retorts that the last woman will deliver it. The exchange highlights skepticism about men’s niceties as women mature.
A Victorian advertising clippings style notice extols Murine Eye Remedy as a trusted product aligned with pure foods laws and promoted by physicians. It urges readers to ask druggists for Murine, contrasts other tonics, and jests about appearances and household health cures with claims of ease and satisfaction.
A brief appeal from the Peoria Star dated January 16, 1909 invites readers to supply tobacco for selection. The notice notes a train load of tobacco and asks for contributions, highlighting the biguees tot of besory in the oe States as the context for the request.
A South American general proudly admires himself in a mirror and muses on his possessions. An orderly nearby quietly retorts with a sharp punchline about lacking sense, reflecting a humorous exchange from a bygone era.
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