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Newspaper
Lanark Gazette
Location
Lanark, Illinois, United States of America
Date
May 01, 1895
Page
2
A physician cautions a society woman about eye spells and hypnotic stares that charm others but strain the optic nerve. He warns that continued eye work for social advantage can lead to blindness and prescribes cultivating plainness and true sight instead.
The Detroit Free Press quotes ponderous maxims on perception, money, debt, politeness, and human behavior. It notes creditors and debtors, the ease of politeness, and how words can follow actions, with broad social reflections on ambition and virtue.
Tommy complains about excessive school discipline as a monitor, principal, and paw escalate his minor snickering into formal punishment, with paw ultimately turning him over his knee. The Indianapolis Journal reports the tale of strict authority and corporal handling in a school setting.
A collection of brief quips and anecdotes circulated in newspapers. It includes a Chicago arrest joke about a man with ten wives and humorous exchanges from multiple sources. The items showcase light social satire and wordplay.
A farmer recalls his chicken laying eggs but the hen stayed near the nest empty. He discovers a dog leaving the nest with an egg, explaining the hen had been fooled by a sucker, according to the Atlanta Constitution.
A Victorian column captures a brief exchange on manners and seating etiquette in a relaxed social moment. The speaker, addressing a polite female figure, notes the shift from comfort to propriety as she stands.
The passage captures anecdotes about clothing costs, stage offers, and social maneuvers. Dialogues feature Tom and Fred debating suits, Miss Ambition offered £300 weekly, and a colonel’s marriage proposal script.
A collection of brief humorous exchanges from various papers. Witty quips cover romance and marriage, social roles, and everyday misunderstandings. Notable lines include a widower's quip about marriage, a prince of Wales reference, and a playful take on domestic life.
A brief vignette from Brooklyn Life with a playful exchange between a passerby and a doctor, noting the doctor’s off duty status and casual greeting in an evening setting.
A fragment titled Here's a piece of light literature that makes a man think very seriously prompts discussion over a cas bill with murmurs of controversy in the Atlanta Constitution.
A comic dialogue contrasts a hotel clerk and a guest as the defendant in a breach of promise suit seeking damages to the plaintiff’s heart, cited at $200,000. The exchange also references a patent dish washer claim and a quip about its durability.
A Brooklyn Life brief humor item where a wronged wife accuses suffering from marriage and a heartless husband replies with a rib tickling silent retort. The exchange highlights wedlock discord in a witty domestic vignette.
A shy young man asks Fraulein Mabel to obtain her father’s consent. He inquires if her papa has a telephone at his office, hinting at a scene set in Ucker Land und Meer.
A collage of humor and snippets notes Bright Yeeple and Salvation Army bonnets. Cartoonish exchanges include a flute player, a poke joke, and a Cuban revolution line referencing cantharides. Small gags close with a coupon scheme remark and a marriage quip.
In the Winses City Journal and Life magazine excerpts a long verse exchange about courtship and bodily change. One poem warns a future man to keep letters to guard against a breach of promise. another quips about dieting and self-image.
A witty quip exchanges between characters about misfortune and concealment of money. The Yonkers Statesman and Detroit Free Press cite a joke on sudden troubles and guarded cash.
reports from Mantagua and London detail Nicaragua securing a fortnight to pay indemnity and a British landing at Corinto with Marines occupying the square and hoisting the flag. Corinto is closed by Nicaragua to isolate Britain, provoking U S concern over possible wider conflict and potential American intervention to protect merchants.
In Alger county Michigan a Grand Rapids woman Mrs Mary Post her daughter Mrs Pat Finley and granddaughter Ethel Finley were drowned Friday afternoon in the Autrain river. Their bodies were recovered Sunday morning. The incident is linked to a capsizing boat while transporting a stored sack from Finley’s house.
Timers from J. T. Case Engine Co. shipped to Moscow. Rail engines from Philadelphia Reading and Central New Jersey reach over eighty four miles per hour. New York Central reports smoking cars with corduroy seats and green curtains. The fast Pennsylvania and Vanderbilt limited mail train beats train No. 7 by six hours. A wire stock train ran Bloomington to Indianapolis in six hours and fifteen minutes, 166 miles, passing ten trains. Three years ago twelve miles per hour was fast for stock trains.
The city, once home to Gen. Grant, celebrated his birth anniversary with a public painting titled Peace in Union by Thomas Nast gifted by J. H. Kohlsaat. Mayor Birmingham accepted it for Grant memorial hall as Mrs. Ulysses S. Grant attended the Chicago visitors. A civic parade preceded the event and Rev. Estabrook delivered the oration.
A collection of brief curiosities across regions. Tim white license of the confederacy now serves a colored schoolhouse. Bombay zoo displays a 64 foot sea serpent skin. A Damet passes theology in Troy Kansas. Assam burial custom lowers corpses from roofs by rope. A horse in Ratisbon appears wearing two pairs of trousers. The Titan's bridge in Douglas county Oregon attracts attention as a notable natural oddity.
A collage of old newspaper quips and one liners. Notable lines touch on religion, marriage, engagement rings, burglars, and editor questions. The snippets evoke late era humor with brief exchanges between characters and newspapers.
A San Francisco Examiner item recounts a man who wakes with severe stomach pain and, fearing poisoning, uses the telephone to contact his doctor. The physician tests the patient by placing the phone at the stomach and diagnosing general fermentation from a fete menu, advising peppermint and ginger.
Seven year old Connie returns from school tears and anger after a teacher slaps her hands. An aunt listens as Connie vows revenge but then, with a dramatic pivot, declares she will henceforth behave. The scene ends with a moral about restraint and accountability.
A destitute man enters a metropolitan church charity office seeking aid, only to hear the minister acknowledge prior poor reports from the Charity Organization society. The exchange ends with a wry retort about mutual low regard. The clip also notes a humorous line about a wife’s head trouble and frequent hat purchases.
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