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This newspaper page contains 9 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Lamar Register
Location
Lamar, Colorado, United States of America
Date
Jan 15, 1898
Page
7
Birdie McGinnis reports finding four dead files on a currant cake purchased yesterday. The confectioner offers to replace the cake with four currants if the customer returns the four files, presenting a humorous barter over the baked good.
A Toronto Saturday Night tell of three visitors who hire a Black man to drive them to the Natural Bridge. When asked about the bridge’s height and width, the man replies with simple, honest feeling, prompting one guest to joke about his prior familiarity with the bridge. The driver muses on memory of the day and his limited awareness of the structure.
A gentleman boasts of a long family line up to Noah, but a friend calls it a mushroom claim. In Wales a pedigree traveler shows a vast parchment record, yet a margin note reads about the time the world was created. The quip rests on the contrast between grand lineage and tiny margins.
In a courtroom exchange, counsel questions Mr Gotrox's sanity over his will. A waggish witness recalls dipping the pen into mucilage and laughing before requesting a new pen, adding a comic note to the probate dispute.
In a witty exchange a widow explains to her child why she should not call Miss Bonner aunt, noting the woman said she should be a sister. The dialogue blends light humor with a romantic undertone as the couple playfully contends with traditional titles.
Chicago Tribune notes a secret list of elite pensioners drawing $50 or more monthly. Commissioner's report shows 910,014 pensioners as of June 30, 1897 with a $140 million annual appropriation, overspent by nearly $2 million.
A Greensburg Indiana case links stomach distress to heart irregularities and self cures with Dr Williams Pink Pills for Pale People. Mrs Ellen Colvom suffered four years of indigestion and choking spells until appetite returned, weight rose, and blood improved after treatment.
An advertisement promotes No-To-Bac as a simple way to quit tobacco, claiming it makes weak men strong and offers a guaranteed cure. It includes pricing, trial booklets, and addresses for Sterling Remedy Co. in Chicago and New York.
A regional ad extols Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound as a tonic for nervous exhaustion and female health. It cites Mrs Lucy Goodwin of Holly West Virginia describing improvement from 108 to 131 pounds after three bottles, portraying the remedy as a path to a strong, long life.
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