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Newspaper
Kansas Agitator
Location
Garnett, Kansas, United States of America
Date
Nov 06, 1896
Page
7
A general known for wiping knives on his map before meals is invited to a dinner. The hostess sends a fresh knife and fork after each wipe. The general snarls at the waiter, accusing him of providing to clean every set for all guests.
Observation by B. McMillan recalls the then record rainfall on August 12, 1861, spanning at least 100 square miles. Eleven hours yielded d inches of rain, including 4.6 inches in four and a half hours, with a note that one inch equals 22,000 gallons and the downpour weighed about 100 tons per square mile.
The document extols Texas agriculture noting cotton corn and cereals grown across the state with sugar cane and sorghum profitably cultivated in southern areas. It promotes Texas land for settlers offering low-cost farms and early markets, cites a pamphlet offer, and lists travel ads and miscellaneous clippings including infant mortality in London and sponges safety from Professor Lang.
A wealthy Englishman named Hamilton who died in Vienna left a vast trove including 20 000 buttons spanning uniforms worldwide and 852 fans once owned by notable women. The rest of the text omits several garbled lines about grains, eye injuries, and legal education, leaving only a cluttered, partial glimpse of miscellaneous notes.
Stephens loses ground as Democrats carry Missouri with Bryan winning the state by about 140,000. The capital remains in Jefferson City after a statewide vote defeating the move to Sedalia. Republicans gain in cities while rural areas stay Democratic.
Nov 5 reports from Missouri show Democrats sweeping most districts with large margins led by Dockery, DeArmond, and Joy while Republican Bartholdt and Pearse trails affirmed in others. Jefferson City celebrated a capital removal victory with jubilant processions and crepe flags signaling a statewide Democratic wave.
Early returns show Bryan carrying Texas by about 50 000 votes with Democrats dominating the state. A Democratic delegation seems assured except possibly the first district where Republican Boyle leads a close contest.
An Irish laborer named Pat plowed straight toward a cow at the gate but the field remained misaligned. The farmer, puzzled, learns Pat followed the cow while the scarecrow pointed the opposite direction, yielding a comical miscue.
Quondam and hyphenated phrases describe mental insight and a sunny look as remedies. The piece claims Howe Teller's stomach remedies ease rheumatic pain and offers happiness to the weak and those with inaction of the kidneys and bladder.
In a rustic bargaining exchange Farmer Jones allows Bildad to pick apples from the cellar. Bildad worries about bad fruit, but the father urges quick sorting to avoid wasting sound apples that could fetch a dollar a bushel.
A satirical excerpt questions gender roles and marriage expectations, noting a bachelor’s view that women pressure men and other women into trouble. The piece mocks the idea of a perfect wife and comments on women’s footwear and social behavior with sharp, ironic tone.
A pamphlet of farmers letters from South and North Dakota related personal experiences, issued by the Chicago Milwaukee and St Paul Railway. One copy sent to an address with postage paid, agent information listed as Gov I Henfford Geneva Facog for Agent 410 Old Colony Building Chicago.
A Paris Zoo incident reports monkeys lighting and smoking cigarettes and enjoying the weed until a keeper intervened and stopped the activity.
A garbled block of vintage advertisements touts tobacco quit cures and miracle remedies. It includes claims for Enally and Foro in lant rainhood, a Chicago or New York remedy, and a 10¢ Cascarets liver and bowel cleanser. Also mentions Phio's Cure for Consumption and oversized sharks.
A giant seven mile circumference rope is built in Glasgow to span the Clyde. Weighing about sixty tons, the unjointed length of patent crucible steel will form a complete circle in place and achieve fifteen miles per hour. The scene blends odd ads and mock trials with broader caps on love and contrived cures.
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