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Newspaper
Kansas Agitator
Location
Garnett, Kansas, United States of America
Date
May 28, 1897
Page
2
A tokes on a Kansas agitator notes varied items from Hawaii annexation sugar needs to panic over a Beijing or Chicago money scandal. It cites a Bentonite hoax in Benton Harbor and a Dutch queen’s stamp craze, plus a Connecticut proposal to translate acts into English for public clarity.
The report discusses a dietary experiment in the University of Chicago women’s department where meals mimic those for male athletes, with precise fat and albumen intake and portions weighed and analyzed. It also defines bucket shops as illegal gambling fronts posing as brokers, condemning them and contrasting with legitimate public markets. It notes limited demand for organ music and mentions New York’s low quarterly death rate of 20.81 per 1,000, linked to cleaner streets.
Lena Seymour a sheltered artist answers a seaside ad for a model. Mortimer Gilroy, a worldly yachtsman, arrives in Wilton, falls for Lena, and the ruse unravels. Lena reveals she is Madeleine Seymour, an accomplished artist with wealth, choosing art over money. Aunt Margaret and society accept the match, and Mortimer becomes her artist husband.
A Mr auctioneer calls bids for a massive gold-mounted Carrara marble tower movement mantel piece. The crowd reacts with small offers as the price recedes from 107 dollars, with shouts and final bids fading as the item goes “going gone.”
A fragment from an Indianapolis Journal line references Mudge and a recurring joke about his drinking leading to recreations in Scottish dialect. The quote showcases a wartime or colonial era banter style and a social loper named Yabsley.
A dialogue filled with archaic phrasing shows a sowbrette murmuring about childhood scenes while a heavy villain dismisses the age of their surroundings. The exchange highlights gendered perspectives and a clash between personal recollection and harsh industrial chatter.
A fragmented note from the New York Press cites a girl bound to wed and argues a woman must work for a living. It claims short skirts won’t gain popularity because women could not wear out their old shoes, reflecting dated views on gender and fashion.
A newlywed man jokes about his thoughts on a woman returning from South Dakota. The bride asks what she did. He recalls she congratulated him and wished him many happy returns of the day, in a light moment reported by the Washington Star.
A drowning man in distress calls for a whisky punch to gain strength as bubbles mark his sinking point. The scene is described with fragmented dialogue and a desperate plea for rescue. New York Pres.
A Brooklyn father jokes with another about the growing fuss over horseless carriages as they wheel their babies, noting the chatter is like something new. The exchange occurs amid a scene described in Harper's Bazar.
A quirky exchange features Mamms asking if fat people become angels and a playful reply that God Jota of fun teaches Aunt Susan to fly, framed as a lighthearted quotation from a historical piece.
A fragment from the Washington Star features a witty exchange where a young literary man jokes about needing to go abroad to dodge autograph seekers. Mr. Comrox remarks on the burden of having one’s name written, contrasting the other side of the paper with his own concerns.
During a scripture lesson at a kindergarten near Crystal Palace, a teacher asked who Methuselah was. After many wrong answers, one bright pupil answered with confidence that Methuselah was “the longest man that ever lively.”
A Cleveland Plain Dealer quip notes a diminutive wife perched on her husband's desk during their honeymoon. The joke portrays Mrs Van Dyke as a literal paper-weight, a playful image reflecting affectionate domestic humor of the period.
The paper notes Ham mera has retired temporarily from the stage to pursue literary work, specifically epistolary prose, while his time is filled with writing applications for new engagements. Also a quip about visiting wealthy relatives contrasts hospitality with persistent domestic complaint after visits.
A quoted fragment notes a comment about the queen of Hagland and sixty pianos that cannot be played. It contrasts with a woman who has only one piano yet plays the slate. The source is a syndicated line from a Cincinnati newspaper.
An Indianapolis Journal fragment presents a sensational offer where a rich uncle named Hinroli and Haroti tempt a smoker with a risky proposition, implying dramatic consequences and urging self harm to sever smoking. The text reflects lurid 19th century press sensationalism.
A fragmented note ridicules a patent medicine fraud offering Ant Jag with mail-order remedy today. It warns of deception and cites Renova Chemical Co. at 06 Broadway New York. A travel promo advertises a single round trip fare to Ottawa Kansas for a June musical festival, with routes from various stations.
In a clipped exchange the Billus family discusses voting in the upcoming primary. Mrs Billus plans to vote to show they keep a home and party presence while Mr Billus expresses time constraints. The dialogue touches on civic duty and personal image.
A fragment describes a dubious remedy titled Tollac or similar that promises to cure tobacco use and restore life, vigor, and nerve strength. It cites a Chicago or New York company as the source, with faded text suggesting a patent medicine promotion.
The text mentions the Chinese government planning four armored cruisers two fast cruisers and several torpedo destroyers for its navy. It also notes Jose Echegaray of Spain as a noted playwright four years old is unclear in accuracy. He was a minister of state and has written fifty two plays.
A town resident, Henry Garrett, aged almost five, recovers from a bout of Erin and is noted for his clear mind and renewed teeth growth. A dentist confirms a new set is forming, while garbled quotes from various papers mix in the fragmented OCR, including a joke about dealing with creditors and unrelated scenes.
The Chicago Record notes a Chautauqua assembly at Island Park Winfield from June 15 to 25 with round trip fares from nearby Kansas and Oklahoma points. Tickets go on sale June 16. Santa Fe Route agents can provide more curriculum and applications.
Frederick Solomon, a German native and Civil War veteran, died recently in Salt Lake City at age 71. He served as Utah’s surveyor general under President Grant.
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