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Newspaper
Jeffersonville Star
Location
Jeffersonville, Indiana, United States of America
Date
Dec 09, 1915
Page
3
A Washington dinner remark by a senior army officer stresses swift decisions and prompt execution. The anecdote contrasts a strategist with a comical quibble by a man named Jiggers who is indecisive over whether a shirt is clean enough to wear or dirty enough to launder.
Advertisers claim these fragrant emollients cleanse purify and beautify skin scalp hair and hands. They boast economy and urge readers to sample free by mail via Cuticura Dept XY Boston with a postcard.
A quip from Puck muses that after several abortive ideas the ideal title for the Tombstone Man piece would be Gone Home. Mrs Newweeds suggests it would be fitting since it’s the last place he ever thought of going.
The piece traces open air therapy from 1884 when Dr. Trudeau moved to Saranac Lake and opened an open air life and colony. It notes his later founding of America's first consumption lab and describes open air as central to preventing the white plague and improving public health.
A legend describes a Calcutta vendor named Faker who sold plain wicker baskets claiming pebbles become gold if stirred for an hour while the buyer imagined a hippopotamus. The trick persisted as purchasers failed to recover funds once the hippo thought entered their minds.
In a New York elevated station three women gossip about husbands. One asks for a letter left at home for her absent minded spouse. The others share tales of forgetful husbands and odd phrases from traveling men. The tone is light and humorous.
The Springfield Republican argues that perfect English speakers should use clear speech with newcomers. Foreigners benefit from correct language as each conversation becomes a lesson. Native speakers must preserve English purity while helping others, which also sharpens their own speech.
A Kansas City Star comment targets Hon. Lray Lowder for using loud rhetoric to overwhelm opponents. It argues his approach substitutes facts with noise, twisting speech and undermining his weaker voiced interlocutors.
A philosophical reflection on nature and knowledge quotes Henri Fabre. The text laments that human understanding remains incomplete despite scientific inquiry and suggests that knowing how not to know may be wisdom’s final word.
A dog show report notes the exhibitor’s pup outdid last year by biting three more spectators during the event, reflecting a notorious performance. The incident underscores a recurring issue with the animal at public gatherings and elicits comments from attendees on safety concerns.
The speaker argues world reform begins at home by measuring effort on small scale first and applying reform to one’s neighbor. The message emphasizes practical steps and personal responsibility in social change.
A cautious motorist explains choosing a married chauffeur for safety. She argues that a married man may consider family welfare, reducing risk when taking chances behind the wheel.
A discussion notes a new firearm claimed to shoot 20 miles prompting concerns about safety and absent treatment risks.
A dialogue scene shows Patrice urging patience as the path to understanding the past. The conversation frames memory as essential and blessing, with a gentle, reflective tone about time and retrospection.
Psychologists note that being liked by children can mark a good man, but much rests on motive. The speaker recalls children hooting at him when their interest shifts.
An exchange between a hopeful boarder and a dour critic has them debating belief and age. The pessimist quips that judging by the poultry served at the joint, the good may not age well.
Dialogue notes a playful friction between Mollie and Charlie during dancing with a remark on her attempting alignment and a memorable moment when she trod his left foot.
A witty exchange contrasts patience with a self made man's pride and Patrice questions his self-adornment asking why he did not improve his appearance. The quip underscores humor about vanity and merit.
In a playful exchange a character jokes about liking melon, noting it is often cut by large corporations, revealing a humorous, tongue in cheek moment about fruit and business.
A disturbance last night was quelled by Patience-Father who restrained the scene after Patrice questioned the episode. He reportedly ate a Welsh rabbit as the incident concluded.
A dialogue notes a bomb dropped on the ship, countered by a torpedo exploding beneath it at the same instant, describing a simultaneous air and underwater attack. The account emphasizes the dramatic timing of the two weapon blows.
A whimsical town vignette recalls a girl described as slack who never owned back button shoes, illustrating local humor and social observation.
A brief dialogue depicts Biffkins as lacking courage and ready to argue. phrases suggest he avoids direct confrontation, contrasting with expectation of assertive behavior in a tense domestic scene.
Mrs Nurich quips that her husband is "so literary" as she notes he constantly calls his broker for quotations. The exchange suggests a humorous look at cultured airs and finance.
Simp recalls Jerkins remark after a conversation about car ownership. Jerkins suggested Simp need not worry about further dimming of headlights, prompting questions about intent and meaning.
A debate unfolds as one person admits dislike for a man who has since become very rich, prompting questions about envy and changing opinions amid newfound wealth.
A speaker recounts trying many activities including sailing where calm seas hindered progress a motorboat that frequently failed and rowing which was enjoyed though exhausting for his wife. He notes variety and opinions on each pursuit.
Mr Cumrox complains to his wife that a young man at their party fails to recognize him. He notes the man laughed at his grammar rather than his wealth, implying social pretension and status envy in a settled domestic scene.
A staged dialogue at the theater features a man claiming a play appeals to women while another argues the plot is flawed. he says women enjoy picking apart flaws.
In a dialogue fragment Belle notes entering a room and seeing shading of the eyebrows, while Beulah clarifies shading was with the eyebrows, not the eyes. The terse exchange highlights a minor action described in the source text.
Dialogue between Hubb and Gotham reveals mild regret about not visiting Europe’s ruins since crowds increased. Gotham notes few visits in recent years.
A witty exchange envisions Pegasus, the winged horse, taking new roles in a modern setting. The dialogue contrast highlights poets laboring on streetcar verse and Pegasus shifting to towing disabled airships, blending myth with contemporary urban trivia.
The verse describes gender roles and domestic tensions as a woman and man navigate daily tasks and social expectations. It hints that despite efforts to manage duties, disruption and conflict arise in a busy modern world.
A humorous exchange reflects Speedit’s habit of spinning tales about his long-distance car journeys. The dialogue contrasts the amount of yarns with the length of each spin, noting the storyteller’s penchant for travel tales.
Quoted lines reflect a divide over whether the world owes a living to some men and whether government support is expected. The terse exchange contrasts individual responsibility with perceived state assistance.
In a witty exchange, Hamfat loses his job as a fictional butler. The other speaker recalls the actor who played the part well and muses that he could now secure a real butler role. The dialogue suggests a seamless transition from stage to servicework.
In a bustling exchange a manager quips about rejecting a female applicant as a murderer. He jokes that after screening his file he might consider placing her in a sextet, illustrating the era's gendered humor in employment.
The movie manager asks if someone could play Samson and wreck the temple. The baggage man replies he has eleven years of experience as a baggage handler.
A humorous dialogue surfaces as a caller proclaims she wants a man who neither smokes nor drinks. The reply asks about wages, proposing six dollars a week, prompting a quip that she might also want a man who does not eat.
A court scene features a cross-examining lawyer pressing a witness about loyalty. The witness responds that the man in question can be trusted and would die like a lawyer to help a friend out of trouble.
The exchange notes that several London lampposts remain from the George III period still in use. They confirm the posts are genuine relics of historic street lighting.
A man wandering the store tells the floor walker he is searching for his wife. When asked to describe her the man says she is a limousine with heavy tread and usually runs on low. Ohio Motorist.
A short quip plays on a hen and a yacht simile. The joke hinges on a pun about a hen's cluck and a yacht sounding like cluck. The exchange leans on homophonic humor without context.
In a lighthearted note James Montgomery Flagg suggests surprising working husbands Jack and Harold with varied dining spaces. He recommends spreading the tablecloth in the lounge or over a cutting board on the bathtub to break monotony and earn a bright smile and a sly squeeze afterward.
Historical note from London Tit-Bits recalls that fish scales once yielded costly pigments and jewelry items such as necklaces and earrings. Roach, bleak, dace, and whitebait scales were prized, with quart values from one to five guineas, but the craft is now nearly extinct.
Instructions from Youths Companion explain converting a burned incandescent bulb into a barometer. Submerge the bulb, break the end, fill with water, and hang it. No drop means fair weather. droplets indicate a weather change or approaching storm as atmospheric pressure shifts.
Mr Fowler laments missing his umbrella on a wet morning and blames his wife. Ellen reveals she lent it to the parson after he left in the rain. Mrs Fowler protests, while Adolphus admits he once borrowed the item from the parson, prompting a petty row.
The text describes a method to extinguish candle light at a set time by marking a candle and timing its burn. A metal dome cap is suspended over the flame with a string looped to burn distance, so that the string slips and the cap drops onto the flame when the desired burn time is reached.
A Philadelphia Record note explains that a child who habitually breathes through the mouth may have obstructed nasal passages due to adenoids. Modern understanding recognizes the need for medical and possibly surgical treatment to correct the condition.
An ad explains how kidney disease can cause heart and brain complications and urges readers to request Dr. Pierce’s Anuric tablets and a free water analysis from the Invalids' Hotel in Buffalo. It claims Anuric dissolves uric acid and promotes kidney health, with testimonials and product signatures.
Inventors seek a cheap method to render cotton as fire resistant as wool. A solution of ammonium phosphate can fireproof cotton, but reapplication after each wash is needed. Estimated laundry cost rise is 15 cents weekly, yet many families cannot afford it. Safety advocates doubt universal adoption is feasible.
In a Philadelphia Record excerpt a heavy storm prompts a frightened wife to rush indoors, claiming thunder can hurt people while her husband downplays the danger. The scene contrasts domestic tension with light news about Edith’s upcoming marriage and a recent cooking school graduation.
A collection of wry observations comparing revenge to destroying an alarm clock and criticizing laziness, noting that some prefer paying for a shave over washing their face. The quotes reflect dry humor and social bite characteristic of urban wit.
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