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Newspaper
Ismay Journal
Location
Ismay, Montana, United States of America
Date
Dec 20, 1912
Page
2
A collection of humorous brief items and quips from The Ismay Journal covering topics from aviation bumper crops to pronunciation quirks, marriage gaffes, wealth concentration, and odd observations about hunting, balloons, and aviator sport. It blends light satire with local curiosities and cultural jests.
A taunt about federal farming policy warns that if the Department of Agriculture makes all American bees stingless, victims of rheumatism will face tough luck. The remark implies broader concern over agricultural regulation and its unintended effects on nature and livelihoods.
An English literary visitor declares Chicago a pure city and notes he has not been sandbagged by any New Yorker.
A man who has been married fourteen times reportedly cannot recall the names of two of his wives. He may, however, remember some of the things they told him.
A new gun is announced capable of bringing down an airplane from five thousand feet. The report notes no stated reason for expecting such a guaranteed result.
A literary note recalls Tony Weller’s celebrated advice to Samivel as the stage shifts through the merry winsome and red varieties. The piece frames Dickensian dialogue as a reflection on character and guidance.
A Pennsylvania boy attempts to kill a dog by shooting it, and a woman discusses her views on current hairdressing styles while criticizing critics as rat-fled.
Nervous chatter links southeastern Europe conflict to doomsday, while landlords press tenants for overdue rent. The contrast highlights daily pressures as global tensions rise and households seek stability amid uncertainty.
A hotel keeper intends to raise diamond-backed terrapins in his establishment. The column notes how fish stories multiply and need not be clever to be published.
The note suggests the newly styled side whiskers must curl outward in front. It hints at possible use as sweepers for hunting the collar button under the bed.
A pneumatic rug is described as a device for insects under cars to stretch out. The narrator questions whether a similar idea could be developed to cushion aviators in a fall, suggesting cross application of a stretchable landing aid.
A chorus girl, seeking to join the stars in their courses, was easily induced to pay $200 to a seer who claimed to invoke planetary aid.
A prophetic warning about Europe’s war being a sign of the world’s end contrasts with coal dealers continuing steady business as usual. The juxtaposition highlights public alarm alongside ongoing commercial activity.
A Kansas City woman who paid $50 for a husband bids beyond usual market demand with speculative pricing.
Mrs Merriwich and her aunt discuss marriage to a sailor as a lighthearted exchange notes the romance of the sea. The dialogue playfully contrasts a sailor husband’s rough companionship with domestic life and hints at a future wedding while referencing Captain Reefer.
An instructive science note explains matter properties and how some materials resist fire and water. It describes a salt treated twisted thread experiment where brine strengthens the thread such that burning the thread still leaves a strong, light-weight hanger able to support a weight.
The writer contrasts mind reading with messages from the dead and argues that if thought can transfer between minds it implies thought survives beyond the body. He questions mind reading as a satisfactory explanation for mediumistic phenomena.
A comic pair jokes about the telephone and marriage. The man claims the long-distance line is convenient for avoiding difficult conversations with his wife, sparking humorous banter about domestic life.
Ex senator John C. Spooner recalls how he smoked for thirty years and, facing his son Charles departing for a law career, agreed they would quit their vices. The two pledged not to drink and not to smoke, and both kept their promises, illustrating a joint moral of self control.
Popular Mechanics describes an amusement device that merges baseball concepts with a specialized billiard table. miniature player figures align with pockets labeled singles triplets home runs and fouls while a revolving rubber home plate offers dynamic shots as a billiard ball caroms from the batter’s box triangle.
Illustration shows how a lens formed with hands can concentrate sunlight to ignite paper. The piece explains the unusual use of ice as a teaching aid to demonstrate focusing light for fire starting.
A reader instructions describe melting clear ice in the hands to form a lens. The lens is used to direct sunlight onto paper or cloth to start a fire, with illustration showing the method and the game Manner referenced.
In a sharp exchange, Maris chides John for sitting on a recently assembled speech while he defends the value of sticking to his words in any event. The dialogue hints at a clash over integrity and prudence in public speaking.
Long experienced flock owners know the condition of breeding ewes at mating greatly affects the breeding qualities of both ewes and their offspring.
A humorous cartoon caption pair features Sammy asking what a paw does and the punchline that the paw is a veterinarian. The second line jokes that meat is a crank for anyone who won’t eat.
Cattle keepers must avoid drying up cows in the latter part of simmer to prevent reduced winter milk flow. The practice ensures animals continue producing milk through the cold season and maintains expected output.
Manure left in field piles loses organic matter and nitrogen as gas and is washed away by rain. Spreading manure immediately prevents these losses and preserves fertilizing constituents for the soil.
A reader warns poultry keepers that heavy lice and mites in the poultry house will prevent obtaining a 200-egg hen. The note emphasizes the need for control to achieve productive flocks.
An advertisement promotes Dr Williams Pink Pills as a cure for sciatica and rheumatism tied to nerve health. It recounts Mrs J B Hansen of Minneapolis who suffered six years before relief after taking the pills, urging others to try the treatment and requesting the new booklet on nervous diseases. The ad lists prices and availability through druggists and mail order from Schenectady New York.
A tavern landlord and a washing machine agent discuss the post office election aftermath. Businessmen remain calm while untested hopefuls rush to take control, suggesting a broad scramble among less experienced candidates.
Sam Marcus describes two years of untreated eczema on his hands. He narrates relief after using Cuticura Soap and Cuticura Ointment with warm water, over five to six months, and credits the treatment with a full recovery. Ads note Cuticura Soap and Ointment sold worldwide and offer a free sample and Skin Book.
An advertisement touts Mrs Winslow’s Soothing Syrup for teething pain and wind colic in infants. The 25 cent bottle is promoted as softening gums reducing inflammation and soothing distress for children.
A statement clarifies that Cordelia a dancing academy is not a venue for late night entertainment or a hop joint. The remark distinguishes a respectable dance school from a purported nightclub.
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