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Gettysburg Times (Newspaper) - June 20, 1987, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
The times saturday sunday june 5a commentary Don t ban the dad jokes preserve and Revere them a Young joke Teller freshly certificated by a comedy workshop recently Jade his debut on network television boldly suggesting that All dad jokes 09 banned. Dad jokes he pointed out Are synonymous with bad jokes or jokes. As we approach father s Day i would like to propose that dad jokes 4ipt be banned. They should be re Yered preserved. Sure dad jokes make kids and wives wince. You know the scenario. A dad is driving his kids and their friends. And when they pass a cemetery the dad says. How Many people Are in there no answer but the offspring cringe and moan and then mime the response All of a polite chuckle from the guests Only spurs the dad on. Why do they have a Fence around the cemetery of someone not a visitor moans. But dad presses on because peo ple Are dying to get in a few giggles is All the dad needs to think he s on a Roll. What did one Gravestone say to another Don t take me for landmarks often set off dad jokes. A drive past the round barn May prompt the question from a dad Ever know Why the dog went crazy in that barn he could t find a Corner to sleep the dad joke is one reliable aspect of fatherhood. It s what Chil Dren and moms can count on from a it s As sure As three meals a Day at Home. Geoffrey w. Taylor of Carroll Valley As the times sees it Day a Success editor the Gettysburg times can be proud of their memorial Day dedication to its Veter ans. Veterans of All services veterans alive disabled deceased Active duty. Preserves and least of All men and women missing in action. The missing action is a Tough Pill to Swallow. I Many people who hold this troublesome subject to their hearts. It is probably the unknown that is hard to accept. As Long As we keep the Faith that one Day somehow some will surface to be reunited with their loved ones. Our 1987 Parade once again was a total Success due to participation from residents. The March with was a great Success thanks to of our veterans. Everything in the weather worked out just Fine As per scheduled. Our Parade gets Tetter and bigger with each passing year. At this time and place i think it jew Bulbe appropriate to bring a which for years and i take it personal i m talking a paying tribute to our american Flag. As i March Down Baltimore Street too Many citizens Are unaware that they Are doing a Dis service to our National Standard. Too Many times at different gatherings whether it is at a Ball game Auto race parades Etc. People do not know How to Honor the american Flag. Maybe i can clarify a few things one if you Are in uniform that is police fireman guard armed forces always Salute. Two it is very popular to Wear a Ball Cap with civilian clothes when the Flag passes by take it off and place it Over your heart As a Salute. Three if you Are sitting give your country s colors the Courtesy of standing up if you Are Able to do so and placing your hand Over your heart. Too Many lives have been lost through out the years to keep our Flag flying free. I happen to be very proud of our Flag. The National Emblem is a Symbol of our great country our Herit age and our place in the world. We owe reverence and respect to our Flag. Least we forget those who have Given their lives for it. Dan Davies Usmar retired they did a Good deed the Gettysburg times i am writing this to you to bring to your attention a Good deed that was done by two Young men this evening. Cd first like to Point out that i am a teacher and have been for the past five years. I have been particularly Dis appointed in the attitudes and be Havious that i have witnessed Over the years. Teenagers have been More Dis respectful and Adamant towards adults. This has caused me to feel Dis appointed and somewhat cautious to wards Many of the youth in the area. My eyes were opened wide tonight when my tire burst and Lay Flat As a Pancake in front of Weis supermarket Here in Hanover. It was still quite Light out and i was smack in front of the store for All to see. I was frustrated and helpless As my three phone Calls for some assistance resulted in no help. It was then that my unknown bag Carrier ran in and got the assistance of Mike Thayer and Francis Klunk. They spend 20-25 minutes fighting a stub born tire and a frantic customer. They were both sympathetic and helpful. I was Able to leave with great respect for these Young men and a new tire. They have helped redeem my Faith in today s youth. I Hope that you will print my letter so that they will know How much i appreciated their Gallant deed. It May also help others to give our teens More credit. Thank you Mike and Francis and my unknown bag car Rier with the Good sense of humor. Mrs. Caren Riddle Hanover halloween party Sale editor the Gettysburg times on june 26 and 27 from . To 3.00 . The Penn township hallo Ween party committee will hold a Yard Sale at the Penn township Muni Cipal Center grounds at 20 Wayne ave nue. In the event of rain it will be in a hot dog and refreshments stand will also be there. Items to be donated May be brought to the Muni Cipal Center from to . June 22 to the 25. From now until the Sale items will be picked up by calling 632-3315, 637-7515. 632-7125 or 637-8862. All proceeds will Benefit the annual halloween parties. Raymond h. Bankert member Penn township halloween party committee likes third Ward plan editor. The Gettysburg times i am a resident and a property owner Iti the third Ward. I have been follow ing the discussion about Pennsylvania far workers opportunities inc s interest in the rehabilitation of properties on Breckenridge South Washington and Middle streets. I would like to express my support for the plan. 1 feel that this is the Only Way that these properties will be up graded from their present state. As a professional contractor i researched the possibility of buying a Brecken Ridge Street property remodelling and then Selling for profit. The figures did add up because the property values in the area Are so depressed. If Pavo buys and rehabilitates these prop erties the property values will Rise in the neighbourhood. That would encourage other Independent investments in the area. Also the jobs created for Loc Al contractors would be a boost for Gettysburg. Another aspect of this plan that 1 like is the use of a manager to oversee the properties to make sure that tenants respect these and other properties in the area. This should prevent any deterioration in value. 1 think that the Borough should help Pavo in every Way that it can. Thomas c. Gibbon Gettysburg thanks for Safe crosswalks editor 1 would like to publicly thank the Boro Council the Boro manager and the safety committee for their Effort to make safer the crosswalks at the i Square. They agreed to Stripe each of the four crosswalks. 1 would also like to thank the Gettysburg Adams county chamber of Commerce and its Board of directors for again taking on another safety problem As they did with us 15.1 am sure it was their letter urging the painting of stripes that added the necessary push to this idea. Joel c. Nimon Gettysburg editor s notebook Jim Kalbaugh is a dad an extraordinary one. Multi ple sclerosis has paralysed him shrouded his sight and silenced his vocal chords but his humor like his mind and heart is Strong. It s humor that keeps him going. Getting a laugh is one link with his family and friends. In barely audible but Laboured spurts of breath he Whis pers jokes to his wife and children. He s a Man who could t remember a joke much less Tell one a few years ago. In the Early stages of his illness he found himself sprawled on the Bath room floor unable to move while his family was away for a few hours. He was swept by a flood of tears from an Ger and frustration at not being Able to get up. Then suddenly he started to re member jokes. When his family finally came Home they heard him howling with laughter at his own jokes those bad. Dad jokes like Knock Knock there old old lady who i did t know you could Geoff Taylor can t Yodel but he can write. He has just finished a Book of humor for those who Are ill especially the terminally ill. A Veteran of eight hospitalizations or. Taylor has observed that Hospit als Are loaded with staff and patients who Long for his yet unpublished Book he Hopes will help somebody else get through through an ordeal of trying to Cope with illness that can floor them. There is a special and durability to the dad joke. They not Only last for a whole generation but they Are passed on to those offspring who become dads and they pass them onto to a succeeding generation. Somehow they always work in their own Way. Here s one there was a Man who saw a boy with a banana in his ear. He asked the boy Why do you have a banana in your ear the boy replied what i asked the Man said Why you have a banana in your ear what the boy asked a second time. The Man repeated the question. The boy said i can t hear you cuz i have a banana in my talk about bananas one Man asked did you hear about the Guy who went to Europe on a banana boat no Why did he go to Europe on a banana boat because it appealed to Well. Dad jokes never lose their Appeal especially to dads and succeeding dads and dads who succeed them. It s one of the great traditions of fatherhood Worth preserving. Jim Kalbaugh is of the times and is known for More than his share of bad dad jokes. Surrogate fathers to the Rescue for everything you have missed you have gained some thing else Ralph Waldo Emerson compensation there s a lot of talk these Days about surrogate mothers. But nobody says much about surrogate fathers. Every year at this time my husband asks what i m going to write for father s Day and every year i make excuses for Why i m covering some other subject. The truth is i be had Little experience with fathers. My Mother divorced by natural father when i was just a baby and my new Stepfather was chronically disinterested where i was concerned. Church suppers came and went confirmations High school plays proms graduations All without the longed for presence of a papa. Come father s Day i shopped for cards with pictures of mythical homesteads and verses that said no thing. The i could always talk to you dad and thanks for being there greetings knotted my stomach. The to commercials where daddy hugs his Little girl reduced me to tears. In my teenage trances the father of my dreams would come to Rescue me. Every Thorn on my path would become a Rose i determined when this Gray haired patriarch appeared. But the Man i imagined As stand ins for the guess who s missing in this picture vacancy weren t always what they seemed. Robert Frost whose poetry i devoured As a High schooler was often cold and withdrawn from his family i Learned what i did t appreciate was the contribution to my life that would be made by surrogate fathers. Despite his youth the first of my surrogates was my Little brother. As grew he developed a compassion that surpassed his years and All through my adolescence he listened to my woes. On my wedding Day he walked me Down the aisle As the father of the Bride and gave me away to the smiling Young Man who has since become the father of my own children. Until that Day i d never Felt so loved. Then there was Gordon. During the student teaching stint of my senior year in College. Mary was my master teacher. Gordon was her husband. When i had no Money for room and Board Mary and Gordon said. Come Eileen Graham live with they gave me a roof Over my head and an around my Shoul Der. Gordon was a shy giant of a Man who loved laughter and Good stories. When he laughed his Blue eyes blinked and bubbled like old fashioned Christ Mas tree lights. Around them were wrinkled pouches smiles from Santa s sack. Over a sip of port in the evening he told jokes about the comings and goings at the City sewage Plant where he worked As a biologist. We laughed so hard his glasses would fog and he d take them off to wipe his eyes. Gordon never had any children of his own to love. Aside from Mary his one real passion was sea shells this tall awk Ward Man had a doctorate in conchology. On father s Day that year i sent Gordon a thanks for being there card and he wiped his eyes. In a few weeks i brought my Fiancee Home to meet him and he wiped his eyes. Years later we took our children to visit and Gordon wiped his eyes. Every father s Day i sent him a card. And every easter thanksgiving Christmas birthday anniversary and Valentine s Day when we got cards signed father Gordon. I wiped my eyes. I married into my third surrogate. My new brother in Law Eddie was to become stand in father As Well As brother and Friend. I watched his quiet tenderness with his own daughters and took lessons on How a father child relationship could be. At every landmark occasion christenings holidays graduations Eddie was there doing what a father would. Because few of us Are dropped by the Accident of birth into the perfect family there will always be a need for father s Day cards that say nothing. Modern science has Given us genetic engineering test tube babies and biological surrogate mothers. But until it clones Bill Cosby into everyman perhaps we ought to look beyond biology for what it takes to be a Parent and say Happy father s Day to the men who by Choice Are surrogate fathers. In 1987 by Eileen Graham looking at language alphabet soup a. Aaa. Abc Abd. Abm. Abs. Am . And that s just a Start. The two of us feel like prisoners in a Sim Mering pot of alphabet soup. The prob Lem in t the existence of abbreviations they re necessary. Our difficulty is the overwhelming number of otherwise meaningless letter combinations tossed daily by the Media into an already overcrowded bowl. Clubb each of us is expected to know the meaning and significance of dozens of strings of letters. Not talking about chemical elements like 0 for oxygen or a for Gold the ones we learn in school. Nor do Job related abbreviations bother us in their own context. We re plumb exhausted from the combinations we have to with if All we want to do is slay informed. Perhaps the alphabet soup image in t Good enough maybe the staccato of machine gun fire comes closer to de scribing Why we feel like targets when we take in the Day s news. Look at just a few of these Short forms. A stands for alcoholics Anonymous. Aaa looks nearly identical but refers to the american Auto Mobile association. Abc. Like lbs and Abc is a radio and television network. Abd is Short for All but which itself is a reference to a teacher who has completed All the require ments for a doctorate except the most grueling one. An is an anti ballistic missile Truman and Beverley Eddy while Abs is a common plastic but How Are we to know these hailstones of letters Are Tough enough on our Fra Gile minds ordinarily but How can we Cope when one set has multiple mean Ings take the a it combination for example. Capitalized and without punctuation it Means amplitude As in am radio written with periods it tells us still morn ing in our part of the world. Then comes the Ama. The american medical association followed by ask Al. And a . Is an academic degree the Bachelor of arts. Remember by Bri Gilt Bardol. By refers to the Era in history before the time of Christ. We re not sure what by Means but bids Are a Brand of men s under Wear. Cd stands for citizens band which is no1 related to lbs radio. The title of chief executive officer of a corporation is abbreviated ceo. Cobol is at least pronounce Able As a word actually it s an acronym for common business oriented language and is the most frequently used computer language for list keeping. Ever heard of a d.a.? no. Not that one that s the Hind end of a Duck and describes the Way you wore your hair in 1957. We mean the District attorney. H can also stand for doctor of another academic degree. The Der department of environmental re sources allots edus. Or equivalent Domestic units
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