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This newspaper page contains 26 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Garland Globe
Location
Garland, Utah, United States of America
Date
Dec 12, 1908
Page
7
U S Senator M C Butler of South Carolina endorses Peruna for dyspepsia and stomach trouble in a Washington letter to the Peruna Medicine Co. He praises the tonic and relief from internal catarrh noting Peruna tablets are available and asking readers to request a free Peruna Almanac for 1909.
In London shipping gossip from Minnehaha and reflections on racing's decline in New York, Harry Payne Whitney recalls jockeys facing hard times. A jockey recounts a sad tale of misfortune, noting few hands reach out when a man is down and the field of racing grows sterner.
In Atchison Globe folklore, a married couple from Atchison endures heat and nerves, with a quarrel on the porch. The wife, calm yet exasperated, hurls a stool at her husband’s head after he mocks her by the end of every sentence.
A patron at a restaurant claims the steak is the toughest he has ever cut, prompting the waiter to recall a prior diner who praised it just as loudly, signaling a recurring joke about overcooked beef.
A roundup of incidents from across the globe includes drownings in Boston and California, political moves in Teheran and Washington, a fatal prospector burn in The Needles, a Chicago shooting case, a Kansas City pouch theft sentence, a looming Roosevelt reappointment, post office robberies in California, a Montana mine report, and notable political and legal developments in Alabama, Morocco, Salvador, and Michigan.
David Price of Corydon Ja says kidney trouble left him lame and weak. After one week on Doan’s Kidney Pills he walked without a cane and gradually regained health. He reports seven years of perfect health since the remedy. Sold by all dealers. See a box. Pos ter Milburn Co Buffalo N Y
A compilation of quips and anecdotes on trouble imaginary borrowed and real, including lines about rail accidents and diets. It also parodies a teacher’s attempt to discuss an obelisk and a cartoonish exchange about growing up without crying, concluding with rural humor from the Atlanta Constitution.
A separated couple argues over a tile pet bow during a planned departure. The wife packs belongings and exits, but the husband resists giving up the bow mascot. After a half hour of disagreement she stays, cooks dinner, and makes Trixy the guest of honor.
An advertisement offers a cough remedy made from two ounces glycerine a half ounce Virgin Oil of Pine a half pint straight whisky a spoonful every four hours. It claims genuine Virgin Oil of Pine compound is prepared only by The Lenox Chemical Co Cincinnati and sold in half ounce vials sealed in round wooden casks to ensure freshness.
In a humorous aside, a spectator nicknamed Lazy Larry-Woof laments wasted effort during a marathon along a bull-rushes route. He jokes about what could have been if his energy had been better spent.
A San Antonio mother reports six months of eczema in her infant son with unsatisfactory care from two doctors. She credits the Cutleura Remedies with immediate relief and a clear face within two months, noting the child has remained eczema free for two years.
A neighbor reports four young sons taken to church. One boy, troubled by pain, is sent home just as the sermon starts. The younger asks why and receives the whispered answer that his brother left for toothache, prompting a quiet “Lucky dog” from the pew.
Sydney Rosenfeld wrote a comedy The Optimist that succeeded after production. The impresario claimed to know its meaning, sparking Rosenfeld to compare an optimist and a pessimist by a joke about eye and foot doctors.
An ad notes the need for eye salve for alkali plains and sand blown regions of Texas. Mitchells Eye Salve is on sale at 25 cents with rewards constantly paid. The piece includes a moral closing quote about joy and peace from Mable.
An elegant stranger befriends an elderly woman on a London street and, after warm greetings, steals her purse. The incident unfolds as the suspect feigns memory loss and cheerful charm, exploiting the old lady’s doubt about recognition.
An aged advertisement fragment lists Hall’s Catarrh Cure taken internally and Hall’s Family Pills for constipation. It mentions F. J. Cheney & Co Toledo and urges trust in the product line for nasal mucous and digestive issues.
An old aphorism attributed to John Ruskin urges doing work with full heart and effort. It contrasts bread work done strenuously with delight work done heartily, insisting neither should be done by halves or shifts.
A dialogue fragment features a speaker denying indiscriminate charity while testing a beggar’s claim of need. The other voice insists help should be conditional, arguing truthfulness determines aid and suggesting the beggar’s fate if not honest.
A coast town tale warns buyers to beware a scam where a seller urges rapid purchase with claims the land will vanish soon. The narrator emphasizes such tactics are a dodge and exposes the truth that the ocean is eroding shorelines in chunks.
A garbled OCR fragment references Pettit's Eye Salve from 1807 and Winslow's Syrup for teething, plus scattered notes on virtue and a four-foot coal seam yielding 6,000 tons per acre. The text names Stoward Bros Buffalo and Ammian, with cryptic quotes and unrelated phrases. The readable facts are minimal and disjointed.
A New York woman describes indigestion from rich food and credits Grape Nuts with relief and improved digestion. The letter, part of a Postum Co. advertisement, urges readers to consider cause and effect in diet and to read The Road to Wellville.
A terse consumer notice promises money back if you are unhappy with Schiling’s teeth. The oddly phrased line implies a refund policy for customers who dislike the product.
A discussion centers on Torie for lame back and rheumatic pain. The article notes the remedy can be fallible when mixed with other ingredients and suggests a formula using whiskey, Torts Compound, and Syrup Sarsaparilla. The Globe Pharmaceutical Co. of Chicago markets Torts Compound, with other ingredients available from druggists.
In a humorous scene at a social tea a clergyman and a dog fan clerk puzzle over the question Who were the twelve sons of Jacob The clerk with a reversed collar recalls the names from Reuben to Benjamin while the doggy man offers to tell the names given to a dozen puppies.
A school scene features Ardyce learning to sing "American" and correcting Wayne on the lyric. Their father overhears an altered line about "Land where my papa died" and Wayne asks in shock whether there are two fathers, revealing a humorous misunderstanding.
A disjointed barroom exchange features a singer lamenting old songs and a curmudgeon urging silence for new tunes. An old quote asserts life’s true fortune lies not abroad, but in the heart, attributed to L. Stevenson.
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