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Newspaper
Eugene Weekly Guard
Location
Eugene, Oregon, United States of America
Date
Sep 14, 1901
Page
10
Humors are vitiated bodily fluids coursing in the veins and affecting tissues due to faulty digestion or hereditary causes. They manifest as skin eruptions and rheum, pimples, boils, weakness, languor, and debility. They are expelled by Hood's Sarsaparilla, which also builds up the system and is described as the best medicine for all humors.
The piece quotes a Chicago Post line where a labor leader explains a contract binds the other party without affecting you. He notes misconceptions about the term and urges clarity for the youth as a crucial early lesson.
A joking exchange shows a shorthand writer claiming 100 words a minute while another laments marriage. An ad promises a One Hundred Dollars Reward for a cure to catarrh, touts Hall’s Catarrh Cure and Hall’s Pills, with testimonials offered free. A class moment has a boy named Tommy Jones answering what above par means. Mrs Winslow’s soothing syrup is recommended for teething. Social chat closes with a train misgiving and a Philadelphia Record quip.
An old advertisement promises a one day cold cure with Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. It notes a money back guarantee if the remedy fails and claims Grove’s signature appears on each box. It is labeled with a price of 2 cents per tablet.
In ill wind humor the dialogue notes Biggs and Mrs Biggs comment on Stoneyfellow. He is called a multimillionaire and a self-made man while Mrs Biggs quips that he isn’t tailor-made. The lines convey caustic social satire from Chicago Daily News.
A brief State Journal exchange shows Mrs Hardrun taunting her husband for money while Mrs Sly notes his generosity to avoid sleep, in a light humorous domestic vignette from Ohijo.
The Edinburgh Statesman, the most influential Scots paper, is edited by Sir John Long, while the Dundee Advertiser, the oldest, is edited by Charles Cooper. Both editors are English natives from Hull in Yorkshire, reflecting cross border editorial leadership.
The passage notes public agitation over religion waning but asserts religion nourishes nothing useful. It extols Hostetter's stomach bitters as a long venerable remedy, claiming fifty years of presence and fame for curing dyspepsia indigestion biliousness nervousness malaria fever and ague.
A Japanese birth custom plants a tree that must stay untouched until the child's marriage. At the wedding hour the tree is felled and the timber crafted into furniture, symbolizing the union and growth of the family.
A terse exchange centers on debts for bills sent by Mr. Snips the tailor. Mr Squills greets the collection, declaring the bills are all in one pocket and welcome. The dialogue highlights a humorous creditor debtor dynamic and a pocketful of invoices.
An advertisement touts Grove's Tasteless Child Tonic claiming the bottle lists a simple iron and zinc blend with no cure offered, promising no pay if ineffective.
A letter from J. W. O' Bain of Minneapolis dated January 6, 1900, objects to journalists reporting his heroism and asserts he does not want to be an American hero for a week nor a perpetual punching bag. He praises Piso's Cure as a cough remedy.
A fragment reads The Rest Prescription for Malaria Chills and Fever is a bottle of Grove's Tasteless Chill Tonic. It is simply iron and quinine in a tasteless form. No cure, No Pay. Price Mo
A short exchange questions whether actions prove love with a reply of uncertainty. A father figure comments that actions may not be answerable, reflecting social norms in the magazine's vignette.
An advertisement touts Stopes cough remedy and Prem a quinine tablets claiming a cold cure in one day with no cure no pay for 25 cents. It also includes a humorous note about a missed train due to attempting to translate a timetable.
A fragment notes that the intestines harbor disease germs that activate in constipation and that Cascarets kill and expel them. A woman sighs to a neighbor about fatigue after hours at a photographer's studio seeking a baby portrait.
Mrs Mathilde Richter of Doniphan Nebraska writes that after years of catarrh she felt strong and well after using Peruna and Manalin during menopause. The ad claims Peruna aids pelvic catarrh and promotes health, inviting readers to request a free Health and Beauty book from Dr Hartman of Columbus Ohio. A closing quip remarks on hearing others speak ill of a man.
A line of dialogue reveals a tense moment between a parent and child. The exchange hints at emotion, control, and the parent’s insistence on expressing grief in a personal, private manner within a rural home setting.
A patron instructs waiter John to hurry with a hearty order including ox tail soup roast lamb fried sole green peas onions tomatoes cucumber mince pie cheese and coffee as his train departs in six minutes.
In this advertisement style note, the author extols springtime sport and warns of common mishaps from bat, rod, gun, cycling, boating, and sailing. It promotes St Jacobs Oil as the best remedy for all grades of sprains, promising relief and restoration to daily comfort.
In a terse exchange, Mrs Handout jokes about water and a resistant Hobbs, who quips that Amalgamated Steel Stock won’t be given away. The brief dialogue captures a quirky, informal moment reflecting local character and humor.
A friend asks Mr Stormington Barnes his favorite play. He replies calmly that ordinarily he prefers Hamlet but when money is needed his choice shifts to Uncle Tom's Cabin.
Clarke expresses strong affection for art while Miss Jameson concedes more art is needed before she stops painting. The exchange hints at creative passions and ongoing artistic pursuit.
A vivid description details lumbago as a backache with a stiff spine. The remedy promoted is ten minutes of vigorous rubbing with St Jacobs Oil on the affected area, claimed to drive out the trouble and restore full function quickly.
Mrs Bulgore notes that fashionable women neglect social obligations to care for their children, while Mrs Swellman questions the fashion, asserting that child care disrupts social expectations.
Mrs Frontpew asks Rev Loneface about a favorite dish at the clergy dinner. She guesses chicken but is mistaken. The exchange ends with a quip on charitable acts and a Euripides line about the faults of company kept.
In a Cleveland Plain Dealer theater piece the hero shrieks a falsetto retort to the foe while the heroine retorts angrily. The exchange centers on a bold confrontation ending with a sharp line about truth and challenge. The scene highlights heightened emotion and theatrical bravado.
Smith responds that he has no objection and notes the policy is written in his favor. The exchange presents a parental stance on boy’s participation in football and the legal or policy context backing it.
A brief exchange notes a Tuesday discussion recalling Monday's bilazard event and a prior talk about it. The oddly phrased lines hint at scheduling or memory of meetings, with two speakers referenced as discussing the earlier Bilazard occurrence.
A collection of light anecdotes and quips about notable figures. It recalls a memory of a humorless fellow’s forgetfulness, a country yokel at a bishop’s sermon, King Edward VII joking over Lipton’s yacht mishap, and Paul Kruger’s quip on war. It also notes Julian Corbett’s navy history standing and a Dutch-like knightly tale of Colonel Oslo and the prince Yolanda autographs, ending with speculation on a blue rose and the mythical blue bloom.
The essay traces roses from ancient plant lineages in the Amboy clays of New Jersey and Greenland to modern varieties. It notes sixty five genera and hundreds of species, with roses staying in pink red and purple hues. The purple flowering raspberry near the cliff is cited as a rare colored bloom, while blue roses remain impossible for humans.
A veteran Chicago passenger man recalls prediagram practices used to grab lower reserved berths. A customer would study sleeper diagrams, then arrange a note to cancel the reserve after purchase, leaving the unsuspecting traveler with a claimed vacancy. The piece includes a quoted anecdote from Mary Louise Graham about classroom humility and the shift toward a more candid era.
Historic note on mutual contempt between nations from Greeks to Turks and Chinese. Describes how rulers called each other dogs, and a Dutch ambassador’s reply pleased the Sultan, aiding a treaty sign-off the next day.
An Englishman tours California with a resident, asking about a red-leaf bush. Replied poison oak. Englishman wonders why anyone would wallow in it, prompting a pause then a puzzled joke about the idea of wallowing in poison.
The article reports Swiss language counts: German 2 419 1 persons, French 734 220, Italian 202 247. It mentions Komanshe a Latin dialect spoken by 38 077, plus per thousand figures for French 12, German 607 and Italian 67.
The workmen's insurance system in Germany is a vast state machinery paying out about 250 dollars daily. By contrast railway travel fatality rates vary greatly: America one death per 2.4 million passengers, France one per 19 million, Great Britain one per 28 million. Ambition fever thus pauses a day.
The Queen of Holland is described as a total abstainer who refuses wine at all public events. She is noted as a patron of the Total Abstinence Society and the Women's Social Purity League and is said to be among their most active supporters and workers.
A child and her mother visit a shoe store. The clerk brings black shoes, but the child insists she wants rusty ones. The exchange reflects a demand for a nonstandard color and style.
Mrs De Good recalls water intrusion after last Sunday’s leak. Mr De Good notes repairs have been made since. He jokes about paying for fixes as they discuss the roof incident in New York Weekly.
A reflective remark praises a great man who inhabits a higher sphere of thought with natural clarity. The speaker notes such individuals see things in true light without laborious correction, while others must laboriously reform their views. The quote emphasizes inherent greatness stemming from nature rather than comparison to others.
In a Philadelphia Press item a father jokes about his son’s college education making him too smart. The father had written to withhold remitting a requested check and the son replied with a formal line thanking him for his unremitting kindness.
Kathryn Nash of Burlington Vermont describes how Leame rest and seven back abscesses followed by blood poisoning nearly ended her career. A friend urged Williams Pink Pills for Pale People, she soon recovered strength appetite and sleep. She urges others with blood or nerve distress to try them. Dr Williams Pink Pills cost 10 cents a box six for $2.50 postpaid from Becomesnectady NY.
A discussion on maintaining and repairing barbed and smooth wire fences to save costs. It highlights sagging wires as the main damage point, promotes upright stays and Anchor Clamps as a simple, durable fix, and urges readers to request a free sample from the Portland Anchor Fence Co. in Portland, Oregon.
A wry Globe item notes that personal troubles feel harder when those you dislike prosper, reflecting on contrast between hardship and others’ good times with a sharp, humorous tone.
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