Funny Bits and World Wit From Eugene Weekly Guard
A scrambled clippings column notes jokes on marriage and divorce, railroads, and political quips. It highlights shifts in world affairs, studies on Russian and Asian armies, humor about lotteries, and a long catalog of corn product innovations from the New York World.
Unprecedented rise in corn prices sparks social critique
The piece contrasts a western city scene where a well dressed girl brags of a $50 gown from a famed New York house with three playing children. It argues such display teaches vanity, materialism, and selfish ambition, blaming parents for sowing these values in their daughters while praising humble, practical upbringing.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York
Sally Ann
Miss Society
Sally Anns
Little Miss Society
Alarm for Refrigerator Pans Invented by Yon and Laprise
Massachusetts inventors Philip Yon and Louis Laprise propose a pan overflow alarm for refrigerators. A spring motor clamps to the pan side, with a float triggering a gong when water nears capacity. The device sounds until the pan is emptied or the spring unwinds.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Massachusetts
Philip Yon
Louis Laprise
North
Adama
Masa
Yankee Drummers in the Orient Commerce Study
Two young American travelers spent six months touring Japan, China, and the Philippines seeking trade. They learned Chinese in San Francisco, enabling direct business with Chinese customers. Encouraged by profits, they plan to return with a larger sample and broader outfit. The method merits attention for manufacturers.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Orient
Japan
China
Philippines
San Francisco
United States
The Monastic Wicket Gate of Twyford Tale
An old English monastery near Twyford beside Southampton preserves a quirksome tradition. A monk at a wicket gate serves travelers a cup of ale a crust of bread and a penny, funded by a historic endowment to ease weary wayfarers for centuries.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
England
Twyford
Southampton
Advancing People Know What Ask Before Doctor
A reflective line notes that some individuals now demand knowledge before seeking medical advice, suggesting a shift in how people approach health and guidance. The remark emphasizes proactive inquiry and preparedness among the public.
I Wish Day Declines to Stop
A confused note from readers questions a planned “I Wish Day” event. Organizers show no fixed date, while supporters urge broader participation and tighter safety measures for the community gathering.
Old Favorites Nellie Gray and Lorena Ballad Medley
A compact pair of verses and chorus excerpts recount old time songs. Nellie Gray laments the old Kentucky shore and a slave woman’s fate in Georgia, while Lorena reflects on lost youth and enduring love through shifting seasons and memory. The pieces blend historical folk sentiment with plaintive refrain and pastoral imagery.
The Parrot and His Food Explains Bird Beak Skills
The piece describes how parrots and toucans lack knives for fruit but use their powerful curved beaks as efficient rind cutters. It details the parrot's inflated beak, muscular action, and dexterous fruit handling, while noting vigilant monkeys and crafty parrots in the forest and the conflict over intruding neighbors.
Eye Irrigation and Magnetic Removal Advice
The Designer explains that a drop of castor oil can remove dust or specks from the eye if used before inflammation worsens. It also notes that a tiny steel particle, like a broken needle point, can often be removed with a magnet, though few consider this quick remedy in an emergency.
Phyllia-Harry Conceit Shocks Washington Times Readers
A Washington Times snippet recalls Phyllis lampooning Phyllia-Harry as the most conceited man she has met. He proclaims Maud the most adorable and beautiful, then asks for marriage prompting sharp satire about his vanity.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Phyllia
Harry
Maud
Phyllis
Washington Times
Contractions and social standin noted in old remarks
A Washington Star excerpt cites Mr. Erastus Pinkley arguing about paying for a dog tag for social standing. The piece comments that wives are roasted, and aging leads to blaming women less for hysterics. The tone suggests a social satire of gender norms and class signals.
Fable of Ade illustrates fame versus study and slang
A New York Tribune piece retells George Ade’s fable of two Chicago friends, one choosing wealth and theater over study. Bennett cites Ade’s early slang wit versus self-improvement, noting Ade later earns $100 a week and enjoys the Waldorf lifestyle, while others pursued education.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Solomon Solomon
David Copperfield
Dickens
George Ade
James O'Donnell Bennett
Miss Marlowe
Bennett
Ade
Chicago
Johnson
George
The
Waldorf
New York Tribune
The Water Spider Builds Air Filled Silk Nest
A water spider nests in a silk bag anchored under water with its opening downward. It carries air bubbles from the surface to fill the nest, reappearing to grab more air until the nest is air filled. The creature uses this airy retreat to escape waterfowl and hide among aquatic plant leaves.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York Tribune
Ozocerite Wax Deposits and Mining Dangers
Ozocerite a resinous mineral wax resembles bees wax and is found with rock salt and coal. Deposits exist in Austria Russia Romania Egypt Algeria Canada and Mexico but profitable mining only occurs near Boryslav in Austrian Galicia and on a Caspian Sea island. Mining involves shafts and galleries with danger from sudden wax pressure. ozocerite is used to make ceresin wax candles phonographic cylinders and other products.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Austria
Russia
Roumania
Egypt
Algeria
Canada
Mexico
Boryslav
Austrian
Galicia
Caspian Sea
Brooklyn
Progress of Cremation Movement Widens Globally
Veteran cremation advocate Sir tenry Thompson reports in The Lancet on the rising adoption of cremation as a sanitary and decent disposal method. Data show Woking performing 2,007 cremations since 1885, plus smaller totals in Manchester Liverpool Glasgow Hull Darlington and Leicester. The United States has 26 crematories, with Fresh Pond New York Chicago and San Francisco noted. Paris records 2,209 private cremations from 1809 to 1901.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Tenry Thompson
Lancet
Woking
Manchester
Liverpool
Glasgow
Hull
Darlington
Leicester
London
United States
Fresh Pond
N. Y
San Francisco
Odd Fellows
Chicago
Paris
San Franccisco Chronicle
A Study in Scarlet Chapter V Continued Escape
Jefferson Hope Helps Ferrier and Lucy flee from Utah to Nevada, carrying money and provisions. They evade Mormon guards via night routes across fields and ravines, reach the Eagle Ravine, and survive by disguising as Holy Four travelers. Hope treks for food, shoots a wild horned animal, and sustains his group for the perilous crossing toward Carson City.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Ferrier
Secret Tribunal
John Ferrier
Jefferson Hope
Lucy
Pard
Utah
Eagle Ravine
Carson City
Hope
Geome
Jefferson
Frrat
Brother Drebber
Old Ferrier
Nevada
All night chase through rugged mountain defiles
Hope and companions push through snow crowned peaks and rocky banks the dawn reveals a vast savage beauty. Thunderous rocks and falling trees threaten their horses as they press on to elude pursuit. They halt at a wild torrent to water and eat a brief breakfast, knowing pursuers close behind.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Hope
Lacy
Jefferson
Laziness and Dogs Named Cocoa in New York Times Yarn
Frederick Kost recalls Old Man Crawford of South Beach, famed for extreme laziness. A tale unfolds of two dashund pups sent from New York, taught by Crawford to name them Cocoa, with the old man remarking one name suffices for both as they move together.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Frederick Kost
Crawford
South Beach
New York
New York Times
Abe Hummel Shows Visitor New York Sights
Abe Hummel entertained a rural relative visiting New York for the first time. They toured Coney Island from Manhattan Beach to the Bowery. At a dime museum a distorted mirror unsettled the guest who exclaimed the experience would be the death of him.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Abe Hummel
New York
New York Times
Coney Island
Manhattan Beach
Bowery
Mr. Hummel
Abe
Social intrigue in fashionable New York suburb
A tale recounts a colored butter in one of New York's chic suburbs who, offered one or more invitations to a social function for delivery, could not resist slipping into each a massage circular of his wife seeking patience. The surprise and consternation of the guests receiving the two documents may be imagined.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York
Chloroform Fatality Rates Reported by Lancet Writer
A Lancet writer analyzes chloroform use across 42,978 administrations with 33 deaths, plus 37,277 cases with four deaths, and 800 other cases showing one death in 9,315. The figures illustrate varied mortality across different sample groups.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Lancet
Grievance Alleged by Student Over Landlady’s Credit Claim
A student named Jones voices a grievance to a TA about his landlady’s demand that he pay a bill. The landlady’s claim threatens his credit, prompting questions about responsibility and fairness. The exchange reflects tensions between tenant obligations and rental arrangements.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Young Jones
Also Mentioned on This Page
Eugene Weekly Guard
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Harper's Magazine
Charles 17
Billy Patterson
Mont Pelee
Edward
Oklahoma
Brother Kaer
Divine Providence
Europe
Asia
Caucasia
This
Country
South Africa
Missouri
Bombay
British India
Pugilam
King Cotton
New York World
Nellie Gray
Kentucky
Nelly Gray
Georgia
Kentucky Shore
Hanby
Lorena
Bella
Liang
A. Conan Doyle
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Alma
Pera
Etree
Pho