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Newspaper
Eugene Weekly Guard
Location
Eugene, Oregon, United States of America
Date
Jul 20, 1901
Page
4
The speaker laments constant dissatisfaction as crowds cry for snow in summer and rain during storms. He notes people complain despite good fortune and predicts they will find fault in any afterlife, reflecting a restless, irritable mood on the hilltop and plain alike. Avianta Constitution.
An old feud between Bascom and Jerry Lowe ends in comic tragedy and a treasure twist. Bascom’s will promises the wife to marry again and to get a brass box if the cornet is played. Jerry’s fool luck leads to a mock treasure, a box, and a misread clause that spurs a long running feud and a wedding.
Fernando Jones who landed in Chicago on May 20 1835 at age 14 from Buffalo New York reflects on the citys tiny population about 1000 people, the first river fishing trip with future mayor John C Haynes and Alexander Beaubien, the Indian massacre stories, the land office, and land registration at 1.25 an acre. He recounts paying Indians 16 silver dollars each and notes his long health and current interest in Chicago, owning art from travels and a Graham family heirloom portrait of the Earl of Montrose.
On her arrival from London, the sculptress Kylne Beveridge faced a baggage search by a New York inspector who charged her $105 in duties before releasing her dresses. She claims she is done with America after her twenty sixth ocean journey.
Science notes report aluminum magnesium alloy magnasium that resists rust and cuts with tools. Inventor Ludwig Mend claims cheap gas production could transform electric power and open hearth steel. Other items describe sun spot cycles, tiger ear markings for defense, and moon crater imaging improvements.
A. J. Ball, chief clerk of the railway mail service, told an Indianapolis Newsman that signs point to the postal service enjoying its greatest year. He cites record mail volumes on Indianapolis railways and expects a $2,000,000 fiscal-year profit, predicting penny postage soon after. Ball recalls long service since 1840 and notes the 2 cent rate spurred a surge in letter-writing.
In a brisk dialogue a young woman argues a man is inferior in character. Miss Cayenne replies with firm assertion that there is no doubt about his nature. The Washington Star notes the exchange as a pointed remark on confidence and understanding.
Two actresses debate if a man is the other’s angel and joke about wings and money. The Detroit Journal notes the man who sows trouble between two women profits more than they do, and cautions that useful knowledge beats useless learning.
The Detroit Free Press recounts a tale of an elderly country aunt visiting the city. She learns to navigate gossip, asks sharp questions, and influences a nephew with her blunt honesty. After dire exchanges she hints at personal debts and marriages, ending with the aunt’s confident claim she can handle herself.
Florida growers could ship Bermuda lilies and other bulbs to northern destinations faster than island suppliers. South Georgia and Florida climate suit bulb culture, avoiding costly grass covers, with bloom-ready hyacinths and tuberoses maturing for early spring shipments. Success requires patient investment and reputable cultivation.
After about twenty years the king acquires a photograph of Queen Alexandra as she was before the king met her. Only one copy survived destruction, found in a society lady’s album. The king’s joking label for the image was “my portrait,” and the owner reportedly sent it to Windsor after the king’s accession.
In a humorous exchange, Mr Spunk Ohh tells Mrs Spunk not to seek heroics, admitting she would have married anyone when he arrived, while Mrs Spunk concedes that fits their relationship. The line appears in the blo State Journal.
Mrs Schopper exclaims in distress that her pocketbook is lost. Mr Schopper reassures with a practical view that pocketbooks are inexpensive and can be replaced, reflecting a pragmatic tone typical of the Philadelphia Press.
A compilation of witty quips and jokes about weddings, love and daily life. Jokes cover grooms, contracting parties, marriage, dowries, and humorous misunderstandings. The tone reflects light social humor and newspaper cartoon captions from early 20th century columns.
A fragment from The Cincinnati Enquirer presents Parson asking why a prisoner visited. The scene features a stenographer in a bank caught taking notes. A streetwise Farmer Bentback quips about visiting kin receiving a receipt, while a cartoonish line from Puck adds quick wit about a catcher and an umpire’s fine.
A fragment from Stray Stories features a cartoon caption where a jeweler scolds an assistant about bringing engagement rings, while a humorous exchange about automobiles and watering fountains appears in the dialogue. The rough OCR reads include names like Charlie Loveday and Alenry, with stray punctuation and misread words.
A brief Life magazine snippet questions Miss Swamper’s knowledge of history. The reply claims she inherits traits and her father is a historical novelist. The exchange plays on linguistic quirks and social stereotypes.
An exchange after Pachanne remarks that Americans owe much to literature. The English businessman counters that American capitalists may offset that debt by providing enough capital for locomotives and other needs. Washington Star.
A brief Chicago Times Herald exchange quotes a senator asking if he believes in survival of the fittest and another answering that the fittest must have patronage to distribute.
A fragmentary exchange in the Philadelphia Record features light domestic remarks about breakfast, chores, and hired help. A brief quip notes a deaf mute man conversing with a deaf mute girl as one line reads I love you more than words can utter.
Sota Life Office records a playful exchange about engagements with a Boston girl. Clarice boasts learning to style her hair in nineteen different ways during college. The snippet ends with a humorous miscue about a sacred cow’s hump, per an Ohio State Journal quip.
Ohio State Journal notes the figure known as Young Milranne has abundant wealth and faces questions about his political future. The column ponders why he does not enter politics given his resources and visibility.
A humorous exchange features Cumso boasting about seeds sprouting quickly, Cawker asking for reasons, and a colorful caricature of Colonel Snowball as the wealthy gent across the street. Senator Sorghum claims success by stirring dividends, not just interest, in a political campaign.
A collage of quips and cartoons from Harper's Bazaar Philadelphia papers. It passes from domestic banter to church life with a joke about dry rot in pews and a punchline about a dentist fiancé. Notable lines reference Ally Sloper and a Woman's Suffrage Club member.
A Chicago Record-Herald poem excerpt portrays a father explaining why wealth fails to end desire. A boy questions why the man bears strain, and the father notes endless wishes as the path to pleasure proves fleeting. The piece ends with a wry remark about aging revealed by whiskers.
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