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Newspaper
Eugene Weekly Guard
Location
Eugene, Oregon, United States of America
Date
Apr 25, 1903
Page
7
The column mocks various issues from the American ice trust to divorce alimony, stereotypes, and fashion. It notes U S railway safety, tuberculosis battles, and political tension with Abdul Hamid, Maybrick, and Germany Venezuela trade, ending with social commentary on modern life and public discourse.
A New York Times excerpt reveals a landlady accusing a tall tale of subletting in a third story back room. A bald reader cites Marcus Aurelius while reporting a popular lodger who rents space for a sewing machine and outfits. The landlady laments carpet wear and doorbell strain from daily visitors. The aside ends noting the motherly quip about selflessness for children.
In Chap XVIII Chopart plots against Natchez and the White Apple confederation as warnings rise from an old woman and a soldier. White Hand and Coqualla face danger while Stung Serpent braces for a grim night of feasts and fate.
The Natchez launch a dawn attack on Natchez town and massacre French settlers after a private war council. Two hundred fifty die, twelve live French escape to New Orleans. Survivors tell of brutal celebrations and the revenge of the village, while a wounded leader questions the cost.
A comic tale features Jupiter and Juno outraged by the Olympian Nectar Trust run by Mercury and Apollo. Jupiter arms a cache of metallic rockets, destroys the trust’s plant, and dismisses the issue with a thunderous display, then returns to table with ambrosia plates. The piece blends mythic satire with humor about corporate power and price hikes.
Railroad magnate James J. Hill demonstrated practical skill on a Great Northern derailment. While the locomotive slid off the rails on a steep grade, Hill directed the crew, set a stubborn jack, and sanded the contact points until the engine was lifted back onto the rails, delaying the train only twenty minutes.
In a brief exchange referencing Washington Star reportage, two sages debate education and success. The first claims a college degree increases life success, while the second agrees that hard work correlates with achievement and that success often leads to a degree, reflecting a cyclical view of education and prosperity.
Fragmentary OCR text shows a terse social exchange with casual greeting and personal references. The lines mention Mr Brown and Mr Jones, a wife, and a humorous or informal tone. Names appear garbled and unclear, suggesting a conversational snippet rather than a full event.
A Philadelphia drummer tells how he filled in as second trombone for a town concert, following the first trombonist’s movements and puffing his cheeks as both played the two trombone parts. He faced an awkward moment but helped out despite knowing little about trombone technique.
In a rambling New Orleans piece a narrator recounts a series of comic misfortunes centered on ears and hoodoo superstitions. Tales include repeated injuries to the right ear, a toe caught in a jam, and a late scare during an election row, all linked by the refrain that hoodoo persists.
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