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This newspaper page contains 16 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Eugene Weekly Guard
Location
Eugene, Oregon, United States of America
Date
Apr 06, 1901
Page
10
An exchange between a starfish and a barnacle comments humorously on a ship’s hull, framed as a nautical fable in the Chicago Tribune. The critters muse over the vessel’s design while joking about their own predicament and the ark’s waters.
The Prince of Wales pays 1750 dollars per thousand cigars illustrating high value. The text notes seven inches for the weeks described, signaling a period detail despite its fragmentary nature.
A collage of mock advertisements and jokes appears, including cure claims for a nerve restorer and cold medicine, brief exchanges about aging and hair loss, and quips about professors, politics, and marriage. The tone is sardonic and period witty, reflecting a lighthearted miscellany column.
The article notes that eight to ten species of silk worms exist in the United States, indicating a diversity of silkworm types found across the country.
A clipping mixture notes a Norwich New York couple sharing a humorous exchange about a $4.69 bill paid with $10 given for change. It also mentions Frau Hedwig Heyl opening a doctors cooking school in Berlin with branches planned for European capitals. The ad text promotes Grove's Tasteless Chill Tonic and jests about doctors and patients from Boston transcripts.
A wholesale house head recalls a near robbery foiled by wind blowing away letters. A confidential clerk burned and hid documents, and an order for a banker safe deposit box was recovered after a blast disrupted a large signing batch. The tale ends with a lesson to read every letter before signing.
Anecdotes about Britain's new sovereign include a West Country visit where a proud prince, reading a sporting paper, rebukes a pompous clergyman who argues horse racing is a curse. The prince quips that such a man is a mighty bad judge of horse flesh amid a tale of betting’s risks.
A husband quips that buying many stamps prevents sticking together as his wife questions the large purchase. The exchange turns on practical thrift with a humorous twist.
An observed barrel of foreign powers over China prompts uncertain forecasts for its future. The piece notes a deteriorating state of an ancient race amid global tensions while warning readers about widespread dyspepsia and digestive illnesses. It then promotes Hostetter's Stomach Bitters as a remedy for these afflictions. The anecdote includes a brief joke about life insurance delays in Philadelphia.
Ned Yerkes Hawley of Spokane recounts illness in 1899 including biliousness dizziness back pain and kidney discomfort. After using Dr Williams Pink Pills for Pale People he recovered in two weeks from inflammatory rheumatism and now advocates the remedy to others. The pills are advertised as a universal tonic for locomotor ataxia partial paralysis St Vitus dance sciatica neuralgia rheumatism nervous headache heart palpitations and other weaknesses with prices 60 cents per box or six boxes for 2.50.
The Philadelphia Press quotes a busy man telling an insurance agent he is not ready to talk. The agent replies he will handle the talking, showcasing a brisk office exchange. A spring note praises Garfield Tew as a Merb Medician claim to renew vigor, while Suburbanite adds a light house-hold remark and Detroit Free Press mentions suburbs.
In Youth's Companion this piece recalls the long married pair William and Mary Howitt famed for walking adventures. It notes their early 19th century treks in Scotland and the Tyrolean Alps, their devotion to walking, shared labors, and the deaths of William and later Mary.
Mack Sublette a known young man from near Versailles woke at 1 AM when a policeman found him walking toward McCowan's ferry road. He reached his father's house by 2 AM spoke briefly with family then slept, later realizing he had made a long nocturnal journey without awareness.
United States Senator Roach of North Dakota praises Peruna tonic in a Larimore North Dakota letter. He claims improved strength vigor and appetite and cites catarrh as a universal disease Peruna as a systemic remedy and the chief cure offered by Dr Hartman at the Hartman Sanitarium Columbus Ohio.
The jeweler boasts the watch is worth twice the price while the customer tests it by noting the watch runs slow. The exchange reveals tension over value and accuracy as the buyer questions the claim. Judy.
The exchange questions a boy about a dog’s talents with responses denying abilities beyond winning prizes at shows. The dialogue mocks pedigree and purpose, noting the animal’s lack of practical skills.
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