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Newspaper
Emmons County Record
Location
Linton, North Dakota, United States of America
Date
Mar 24, 1905
Page
3
A Brooklyn woman identified as Miss Jennie Driscoll of 870 Putnam Avenue writes to doctors about life in a period voice. The brief item notes a personal message or column entry seeking medical or philosophical insight.
Mrs Col E J Gresham of Hernden Fairfax County Virginia praises Peruna Medicine Co Columbus Ohio for curing her chronic catarrh after six bottles she calls a king s ransom and says she tells friends about it.
A plain talk warns that winter will cause catarrh and illness in many women with potential deaths or chronic ailments. It promotes Peruna as a safeguard and cure, urging prompt use and offering free medical advice from Dr. Hartman in Columbus, Ohio.
Aesculapius invented medicine and foresaw its boon to humanity and as a stepping stone to command. the quotation frames his blessing and the strategic value of medical knowledge.
A Cassell's London Journal spoof discusses a “glass eater” being discharged and a neighbor’s gossip about two freaks. The exchange mocks extreme behavior and curiosity, capturing a comical street scene from the era without sensational detail.
Northwestern inventors were granted several patents last week. Anders Anderson of St. Cloud received a saw sharpening machine patent, Eliing Berg of Madison a pneumatic stacker, Han Hanson of Albert Lea an oil supply system, Herman Kreuger of Brownton a traction engine wheel, William Ruben of Minneapolis a manifolding sales book, Henry Jewls of Minneapolis a cigar box filler, Nels Nelson of Crookston a pneumatic straw stacker. Patent lawyers Lothrop and Johnson assisted.
A witty Philadelphia Press quip notes that weather in London found the speaker rather than the speaker seeking it. The remark frames weather as a living pursuer that closes in in chunks.
In a quick London scene, a bored Mrs. Smith greets an unexpected caller who came to visit her opposite neighbor, joking about killing two birds with one stone as the exchange unfolds.
An advertising notice promotes Salter Seed Co of La Crosse Wisconsin urging farmers to plant Salzer seeds in 1904. It lists extraordinary per acre yields in 1903 across Indiana Ohio Tennessee Michigan and other crops including beardless barley oats spelt macaroni wheat pedigree potatoes and fodder crops. Readers are asked to send 10 cents in stamps to receive a catalog and seed samples.
Mrs. Marks accuses Gritty George of feigning illness to obtain a half dollar for teeth filling. He replies he had them filled with beefsteak and mushrooms in a witty exchange sourced to the Philadelphia Record.
An advertisement touts Internal Remedy for piles and urges buyers to obtain it from a druggist. The piece also includes a Town and Country quotation praising a theater villain described as an exact portrait of the author, as his wife portrays him in private moments.
Dr J H Rindland, specialist in eye ear nose and throat services based in Fargo North Dakota offers consultation. Also includes adages and a note about butter color June tint butter and a reminder to keep the weekday holy.
A Texas reminiscence recounts the Velasco fort assault of 1830. A small group under Col John Austin attacked a fortified Mexican position garrisoned by 175 regulars led by Col Ugartachaie. After eight hours the Mexican flag fell and Texas losses were heavy with seven Americans killed.
John W. Gates recounts a tale of a harsh rebuke on a trip from Chicago to St Louis aboard the Wa bash where his complaint about train service ended with the conductor refusing to help unless he shows a pass. Gates notes he traveled on a dead road ticket and faced a dismissive remark.
A well known clergyman recalls visiting a parochial school during recess and asking an eight year old girl named Julia why she called a friend a fool. She replied she wanted to be two inches, the clergyman reports.
The paper money of the United States endures rough handling, per the Saturday Evening Post. A treasury note measures 3 7/8 by 7 3/4 inches and supports 41 pounds lengthwise and 91 pounds crosswise. Four notes make a sheet 8 1/2 by 13 1/2 inches. a sheet lengthwise bears 108 pounds and crosswise 177 pounds. Crosswise weight capacity exceeds lengthwise by 9 pounds per note, while the sheet lacks 39 pounds to double the lengthwise strength.
Two commercial travelers tell anecdotes about rising from early blag to rivals. One recalls a reckless East recruit who signed a year contract with $1000 and $5 daily expenses and later started his own business. The other recalls a trip showy in Ohio and Kentucky with higher costs and a partner rebuking his $50 overcoat claim.
A West Virginia senator recalls a boyhood tale of a father who nailed a nail for each misdeed and removed them for good deeds. Years later the tree’s holes remain as a somber reminder that consequences linger beyond actions.
A railroad official cites clever schemes used by duty shirkers to avoid work. He recalls a former conductor who faked illness with jaw padding and iodine, then feigned toothache, and eventually admitted the ruse after dismissal. He notes other workers who play sick to secure lay offs.
The New York Press notes two Hempstead friends praising Mrs. Kernochan for a kind, gentle nature. They cite her constant use of please with servants, saying she treats inferiors as well as equals and embodies the ideal of a gentlewoman.
A Washington Post quote recounts a Baltimore traveler in a Southern town who pays a tavern bill and is met with a blunt remark from a Tarheel maid. The exchange highlights regional pride and stereotypes in a small town setting.
Two Irish immigrants at Ellis Island watch a diver emerge from the channel slime onto a dredger. One Irishman jokes that if he’d known the route the diver took he would have walked instead. The remark appears in the New York Tribune.
Dr. Madison C. Peters recalls a graduation hopeful who faced inmates in a chapel. He faltered at the pulpit and blurted a misfit greeting, saying with stammering humor that he was glad to see so many of them this morning.
A wife sobs as she recounts her husband’s harsh remark about her new ball gown. Friends try to comfort her while she insists the insult was severe though she herself admitted the offense was “almost nothing.” Judge notes the remark and the emotional moment.
In a humorous exchange, a teacher questions Johnny about skin on teeth. Johnny replies with a joke that his father catches the 7:20 train every morning by the skin of his teeth, a pun reflected in the Baltimore American's snippet.
A Continental string quartet performed to an amused audience when an ardent amateur dragged along a hopelessly off key friend. After the Beethoven program the enthusiast boasted they had played together for ten years, prompting the incredulous listener to ask if they had stayed longer than that in the hall.
Uncle Ephm walks in fine dress celebrating fifty years of marriage. A fellow asks if he is working today and notes the anniversary. He responds that his present wife has nothing to do with it, calling her the eleventh.
Dr. Williamson sworn before J P Montgomery County cites cases of kidney disease cures using Dodd's Kidney Pills. Case No 1 describes Henry Hall Sr a 48 year old American with malaria hematuria swamp fever high fever coated tongue constipation bleeding kidneys improved after two months of treatment with the pills.
A hostess asks Willie if his mother would allow him two pieces of pie at home. Willie answers no, then says his mother wouldn’t mind here because "this isn't her pie."
Dr Edward Everett Hale is quoted in Boston as saying upon his appointment as senate chaplain that he has long prayed for "Washington fellows" and now will pray at them, wishing God’s help for them.
A terse meditation on mortality and obligations, reflecting on human finitude. The phrasing invokes traditional religious language to note that life itself carries an indebtedness before fate or beyond.
Mrs. George B. McClellan recalls a friend's story of a matrimonial quarrel settled by planting a tree. The idea inspires plans for a lasting, symbolic avenue as a reminder of reconciliation.
The exchange depicts a joke where a wife calls a spade a spade literally and a man explains she uses spades when clubs are trumps in a card game. The humorous misinterpretation highlights playing card terminology.
A Berlin girl died after being squeezed by a boa constrictor in a zoo enclosure. The incident sparked debate online as commentators argued about who bears responsibility and the ethics of keeping large snakes in urban venues.
J W O Bates of 3 Third Ave North Minneapolis Minn dated January 6 1900 praises Piso's Cure as an effective cough remedy in a brief testimonial.
A terse aphorism notes that pride in learning can mask true understanding, labeling the act as a form of the greatest ignorance rather than achievement. It suggests humility and continuous study over self-satisfaction.
In a brisk exchange, Dyer questions speed limits while Deddun argues limits save lives. the dialogue frames a local dispute on traffic safety and harm prevention.
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