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Newspaper
Emmons County Record
Location
Linton, North Dakota, United States of America
Date
Jun 19, 1903
Page
2
A string of satirical vignettes lampoons wealth, censorship, love, diet, and social customs. Jokes touch Tolstoi and Gorky, radium worth, thirteen spoons, and a man returning a pocketbook after being accused of theft. The tone reflects a 1900s newspaper humor column with pithy one liners.
John Bull's merger of 100000 square miles in northern Nigeria was accomplished with smoothness and celerity that would envy Mr. Morgan. Americans doubt Citizen George Francis Train will let smallpox delay his psychic machinery long.
In Indianapolis the Federation of Musicians voted to abolish the color line. The remark adds a quip that ending the trombone solo would also be forgiven, reflecting a humorous take on the union’s stance.
A patent worth a million dollars aims to prevent refilling a specific bottle. The note warns that the inventor could face harsh treatment or "short shrift" in Kentucky.
The chambermaid famed for refusing to make Dr Washington's bed was robbed. The piece hints she plans to pursue the stage. It muses on hoarding insider-like tips on horse race winners or stock movements to get rich quick.
A remark states that making Greek optional at Yale would lower barriers for students seeking the Yale label for social appeal rather than education, suggesting the change would ease admission or attendance for those pursuing social clout over scholarship.
Foxhall Keene escaped injury in a French automobile race by failing to start. The near-miss spared him a potential collarbone fracture, a dramatic turn for a sport framed as gentlemanly.
A college professor suggests that a flower pot and a little grass might prevent many divorces. He even implies that some couples could be helped with six feet of sod as top dressing to their lives.
Reverend Thomas B. Gregory asks what life aims at and answers the goal is to love and serve the good forever. The sentence is amended from loving the good to loving the good and serving it forever, with the pronoun adjusted from it to her.
The remark notes that after surviving the assaults of Ig natius Donnelly, the shade of William Shakespeare would not be disturbed by Chicago stockyard air blown toward it via Dr Watt, a humorous if cryptic line.
A Southern pastor compares a woman who plays bridge whist to a negro craps shooter. He argues both games are gambling, one in a parlor and the other in an alley, and suggests the reverend is not far off in his judgment.
A correspondent writes to the exchange column seeking to swap a 22 hes jet block switch for a 2x3 or 3 camera and outfit. Dates will not cloud interest among bald bron tes who are f photography.
A flood has breached an embankment in St Louis, inundating districts and forcing business suspensions. Many sections are submerged and deserted as rescue efforts begin and residents evacuate. Local authorities warn of ongoing danger and potential further rises.
From St. Louis on June 12 a vast flood engulfed East St. Louis Illinois with two to fifteen feet of water submerging homes and factories. Eleven lives were lost and property damage is unmeasurable as sandbag levees held the river at bay along the riverfront. Rescue crews searched submerged cottages and damaged districts while fears rose for Alta Sita and Denverside as waters rose further.
Two masked highwaymen held up a stage traveling between Weaverville and Redaing California, robbing eight passengers and the driver late yesterday. They took about $400 in cash and watches, smashed two express boxes, and searched victims as valises were opened. A woman passenger was spared but her $41 hid under a seat was taken. The robbers fled.
In Chicago on June 12 C. E. Vincent aged 29 was stabbed at State and Van Buren while defending a friend from pickpockets. He received a deep throat wound and is dying at Samaritan hospital as thieves fled the scene. The incident drew a crowd but no suspects were caught.
Caracas report says revolutionary leader Gen Matos and generals Riera Penalosa Solagnie and Perdomo escaped by small boat to Curacao after a crushing defeat at Pedregal. Government troops captured the entire rebel force, and the revolution is reported as over.
The colonial secretary, himself prominent, stated that their ally's foe is nonplussed this time, signaling unexpected ease for their side.
Acting Adjutant General Hall ordered units from Fort Grant and Fort Huachuca to Morenci Arizona with a careful commander to protect lives and property. The move follows a telegram from Acting Governor Stoddard noting 3000 striking miners, mostly foreigners, and calls for lawful action amid high excitement. Rynning reports ranger and deputy forces unable to quell the unrest and mentions the need for regular troops.
James Crandall of Madelra Minnesota vomited a seven to eight inch lizard during a severe sickness thought to be stomach cancer. He had been given up by doctors but is now believed to be recovering.
William Knight, about forty, tried to board an eastbound Northern Pacific freight in Fargo on June 13 and was crushed between two cars. His body bore a crushed head, with no other injuries. Twelve dollars and bank books show deposits in Duluth December 1902, Minneapolis March 1902, and Superior First National April 1902. A letter from Dodd Mills and a visa to Casselton June 3 were found on him.
The Crookston grand jury, meeting in Crookston Minnesota on June 13, is piling up indictments. Sources say nearly every saloonkeeper in Polk County will be charged. Scores of witnesses are being examined as foreman J W Wheeler leads the panel toward a sensational report.
Windom Minnesota June 13 The bank at Wilder was blown up by nitro glycerine and robbed of 3000 dollars A white man and two negroes are under arrest at Heron Lake charged with the crime A man came to Willer from Pipeston and at Slayton was noticed with a heavy grip He stumbled getting off the train and the sound of iron instruments was observed He later disappeared
The Bert Ronk case opened in Blue Earth Minnesota before Judge Quinn with the county attorney aided by Attorney General Douglas. The day focused on juror examinations as the regular panel was completed and a special venue of thirty drawn. Four jurors have been secured.
Brainerd Minn June 13 The state firemen s association convention elected officers President G G Strong Vice President George Worthington Litchfield Second Vice President H T Emken Le Sueur Secretary R O Strong St Paul Treasurer Frank E Joy Stillwater Statis tician Edward F Kelly Faribault
Le Sueur Minn June 13 Representative John Taylor of this city died here yesterday of tuberculosis. Taylor was elected representative for the Twenty-seventh district in 1902 on the Democratic ticket. He was engaged in the real estate and insurance business.
The Northern German M E Church Epworth League, in session since June 12, adjourned yesterday at Faribault. Officers elected include President B. W. H. Miller of Faribault, vice president Lewis Schlattsman of Morris, secretary N. Ruenz of Sleepy Eye, and treasurer Miss Florence Murty of Minneapolis.
Red Wing Minnesota June 13 The district convention of the W C T U adopted a resolution urging all branches to bombard Secretary Root with protests against a proposed license of the opium traffic in the Philippines A former Chinese missionary prompted the action by the members
Albert Lea college, the Presbyterian church backed institution, will close next year due to an unmet financial deficiency. Officials hope to secure an endowment within a year or two to resume operations.
A Whitehall dispatch reports Ole Aabokken was bound over to the circuit court on the murder charge of John Wellen. The defendant admitted shooting Wellen, believing an intruder was attempting to enter his house.
Crookston reports a killing frost in Polk County on Wednesday evening with heavy damage east of town and further damage alleged in Beltrami County. Ashland notes Spider Lake Lumber Co buys Cook's mill and substantial hardwood holdings, valued mill at $35,000, ensuring fifteen years of timber for operations.
Explosion causes major blaze in Plymouth Wisconsin destroying the Laack block the citys finest building housing several firms with losses around 61000 partly insured a lamp explosion started the fire
In Wykoff Minnesota on June 13 a six year old son of Charles Kottke hanging a rifle on a wall accidentally shot and killed his eleven year old brother. The tragedy occurred six miles south of Wykoff as the boys were handling the unsecure firearm.
Belgrade reports a military conspiracy in the early hours killing King Alexander, Queen Draga, her brothers, and several ministers. Prince Peter Karageorgevich is proclaimed king by the army. parliament to meet June 15.
Doctors stated Crandall’s illness involves cancer but recently he has shown signs of improvement. Reports note his condition deteriorated last night yet experts express cautious optimism about recovery as tests and observations continue.
The Osnobosch denije reports Jews across Russian towns have organized defense leagues. Members will be drilled and armed, including Jewish students at Keiff who have formed a league with twenty-man companies under experienced leaders. The groups can mobilize within fifteen minutes in case of anti Semitic outbreaks.
President issues proclamation superseding earlier order to create Lewis and Clark reservation and expands to include Flathead lands and contiguous areas. General Land Office withdraws about 200000 acres in Great Falls district to form Highwood Mountain forest reserve.
One man died and at least a dozen were injured when an open trolley derailed near Elizabeth New Jersey while speeding toward Plainfield. The motorman was crushed and passengers were thrown into the ditch with two women and a man seriously hurt. Estimated damage nears $800000 from Rochester blaze destroying Pancdst building and adjacent church and several homes.
Word from Poundling Mill reports the killing of Mrs. Belle Wingo by a crowd of young men quarreling over her. She was accidentally struck with a club, the fatal blow occurring as tensions rose in Bluefield area on June 13.
Seven persons drowned when a houseboat capsized at Aberdeen in White River near Clarendon Arkansas. The drownings occurred while people were gathering mussels along the riverbank.
Mrs Robert Broderick of San Antonio Texas recounts kidney trouble since 1902 with chronic back pain and headaches finally relieved by Doan's Kidney Pills. She notes lasting benefit over a year, urges sufferers to use the pills, and says a free trial is available via Foster Milburn Co Buffalo NY. price 50 cents per box at druggists.
A quippy remark about Mabel marrying the dissolute Flutterly to reform him ends with news of the uncle's death last week leaving Flutterly half a million. The odd aside mentions Putnam FadeLESS dyes for furniture.
Dialogue from the Philadelphia Press features Miss Speitz recalling Miss Gidday asking what was said when she announced marriage. Speitz notes the comment seemed to surprise the listener, but the question was about how the marriage occurred.
A Chicago News quip questions Miss Overton sensitivity about age. The remark contrasts youth versus aging and reflects social attitudes of the era, noting how age becomes a topic of curiosity and mockery in polite society.
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