Why He Wasn’t There In Church
A lighthearted church anecdote from a Chicago Tribune column notes the Rev. Dr. Fourthly-Mr. Wrap misses service as congregants flock to stock Sunday dinner supplies, hampering the preacher’s escape.
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Newspaper
Emmons County Record
Location
Linton, North Dakota, United States of America
Date
Jan 06, 1899
Page
3
A lighthearted church anecdote from a Chicago Tribune column notes the Rev. Dr. Fourthly-Mr. Wrap misses service as congregants flock to stock Sunday dinner supplies, hampering the preacher’s escape.
Crew of a Spanish steamer battled flames in the hold for ten days after discovery at sea. The report urges perseverance against stomach disorders, praising Hostetter's Stomach Bitters as the best weapon in such fights.
A brief social note recalls Clara and Maude as Maude remarks on a young man named Woodly who was refused last winter. The item notes he is “provokingly well” and reflects on romantic fortunes in Chicago society.
Cartoonish caption about why Normans and Saxons fought at Hastings. Pupil jokes the clash happened because they just happened to meet.
A Cleveland Plain Dealer joke recounts Beeton betting Boggs on an election and a hat. Boggs loses the bet and visits a hatter but the hatter refuses to charge Beeton, prompting a humorous exchange about the hatter’s price.
The piece recalls a congressman delivering his first speech with ease, noting he handed it to the printer and spoke without nerves. A light Puck-like aside contrasts nerves and composure in early public moments.
A woman recalls defending herself by imagining the burglar as someone she trusted. The Indianapolis Journal notes her courage in a moment of danger and her quick thinking with a potato masher.
A letter from Chester Florida dated September 17 1806 quotes William B McClellan praising Piso s Cure for Sa as a Godsend while remarking on flirtation and ignorance in a wry local perspective.
President McKinley’s annual message surveys the leadup to the Spanish–American War, naval and military preparations, and the war’s progress. It praises prosperity, discusses Cuba, the Philippines, and new possessions, and calls for treaties, canal plans, and reforms while outlining security, finance, and foreign affairs roles.
A fragment describes a temporary revival of admiral and vice roles to be filled by members who have distinguished themselves in the war. It mentions the taking of the twelfth and provisions for educating white children in the Indian territory, reflecting era policy priorities.
London Telegraph recounts polar bears hunting seals in Greenland. Travelers describe bears using stones or ice to stun walruses and stalking seals by crawling, waiting under snow domes until the prey naps, then striking with a paw to kill and feed, even in harsh winter.
A Boston buyer seeking Minnesota creamery contracts visits the state dairy department. Deputy Commissioner Lawrence explains that strict testing, modern creameries, skilled supervision, and excellent climate ensure top quality butter. The visitor recalls Litchfield and mentions a 40000 pound daily milk volume.
Mr King aims to secure the product of five large creameries as he studies Minnesota markets after observing Minnesota’s top butter awards. His export firm already ships to Liverpool and buys milk in Vermont Massachusetts and New York seeking uniform high grade butter and facing transport and refrigeration solved challenges. He plans to contract five major creameries in Meeker county and beyond.
Collier's Weekly notes that Mark Twain is no longer in financial trouble after previous publishing setbacks and health issues. His career has kept him active with a tour around the world and he plans to focus on writing, signaling a forthcoming new book.
A Boston Transcript item notes the provincialism of Paris amuses Chicago readers. It mentions Mr. Ford Peek preparing to bundle his family for an early Paris arrival from Switzerland and hints at his claim.
Judge states case is clear and finds defendant stole a package from an express wagon. The seized item contained campaign circulars. Court sentences confinement in county jail for sixty days. Prisoner protests offering one day plus fifty-nine days for being a fool.
A dialogue from the Washington Star mocks inexperienced playwriters. Mr Stormington Barnes insists a star must be present on stage most of the time, arguing viewers expect a lead to stay involved while the box office counts money in the second act.
Mme Honouix, a Parisian healer, touts precious stones as a cure for all ailments. A single dose costs 250 to 3000 dollars, while a complete cure ranges from 12 500 to 15 000 dollars. The wealthy flock to her luxurious rooms to drink ruby powder or inhale burnt-diamond scents.
A Turkey Cock speaks to the Little Gobbler about emulating a winning football player. He urges early training to build strength and improve weight so the family can win the game on Thanksgiving Day.
The judge confronts a conflict as the plaintiff identifies the prisoner as the chicken thief. The prisoner protests that his alibi is improbable, noting a mad wife would misidentify him as having touched a coop in six months.
The American Farmer reaffirms trust in Swanson Rheumatic Cure Company of 167 Dearborn Street Chicago. Readers ask if remedies for rheumatism neuralgia dyspepsia catarrh and kidney troubles are effective. The paper notes occasional failures but maintains the company’s integrity and willingness to send sample bottles at 260 and 1 for prepaid orders.
The New York Sun quotes Mr Staybolt arguing that initial judgments focus on quirks but over time people are judged by merits. He urges emphasis on a firm and solid structure rather than dwelling on gargoyles.
A fragment notes Nellie asking for six emons and a puzzled response. It then shifts to Dr. Frank Powell resigning his commission and resuming medical practice at Fourth and Cedar streets in St. Paul Minnesota.
A judge explains a wife’s health depends on her strength, noting she can be as sick as her stamina allows. The more vitality she has, the more intense her symptoms can appear.
A collage of overheard quips and brand mentions. The note includes a markets line about Diamond O Shap from Cudahy Packing Co of South Omaha sold by grocers, with playful exchanges from Harper’s Bazaar and Puck snippets. The tone mimics a urban humor column listing curiosities.
The excerpt sketches Madge amid suitors in a gossiping crowd. A line contrasts a man’s character with his giving, while social trends about tableware reflect bustling, humorous commentary on manners and promotion dynamics.
A young man who spent time abroad recalls a minor Spain scene on a car. A passenger became obstreperous and showed disregard for propriety, but the conductor ignored him. The witness finds nothing particularly wonderful in the incident.
In Philadelphia Stories a cuckoo asks what is the matter with the max pie and a robin notes the pie looks cast down after hearing a jab at women who talk like magpies. The scene unfolds at an afternoon tea.
An advertisement offers 100 dollars for an uncured catarrh case by Hall's Catarrh Cure. It lists F. J. Cheney & Co and endorsements from West Truax Walding Kinnan Marvin, Toledo wholesale drvesters and druggists. Claims the cure works internally on blood and mucous membranes and promotes testimonials and per bottle pricing.
The Philadelphia Record notes divers carry immense weight under water. It highlights that diving boots alone can weigh about 100 pounds each, illustrating the gear’s heavy burden.
A fragmentary exchange in Chicago discusses why women marry later. Miss Cutting blames men maturing slower. Mr Suddleson questions changes in economic readiness and the ability to support a family.
In a brief Odds and Ends item, a dialogue unfolds where Mrs. William warns Mr. Wildman that ongoing extravagance will bring consequences. He quips that creditors would doubt his good intentions, underscoring a light moral vignette about caution and folly.
A cartoonish dialogue shows The Stationery Fiend asking for paper and an envelope. The reply offers two cents instead of a stamp and a joke about calling the postal department to make the post office follow them. The bit ends with a request for more pennies.
Mr E M Davis division freight agent for Baltimore and Ohio at Clarksburg West Virginia will be transferred to Cumberland Maryland on December 1st replacing W R McIntosh who resigned Mr S Fowler traveling freight agent in West Virginia will succeed Mr Davis with headquarters at Clarksburg West Virginia
A brief quoted exchange from the Chicago Post: a man calls war a terrible thing while a woman, blushing, says how a man uses his arms is none of a girl's business, illustrating social dialogue about conflict and propriety.
A 300 prize catalogue mailed inquiries from Cudahy Soap Works in South Omaha Nebraska offers seasonal gifts. It touts benefits for savers of Diamond Soap wrappers and suggests thrift and effort lead to superior outcomes.
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