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Newspaper
Emmons County Record
Location
Linton, North Dakota, United States of America
Date
Jan 05, 1900
Page
2
A collection of humorous maxims and quips from Linton North Dakota, attributed to Emmona Co. The items cover marriage, money, digestion of pride, and social observations. Notable lines reference cyclers, slippers at weddings, and naval praise.
A young man died while being initiated into an eastern college fraternity. The incident prompts calls for strict faculty control over secret societies and their risky rituals. Authorities and students weigh safety vs tradition as investigations begin.
The piece contrasts a jeweled sword presentation to Admiral Dewey by the U S through the president with the army’s dismissal of a prominent officer convicted of misusing government funds. It invokes Napier’s remark about Indian chiefs and swords, noting differing national ideals while praising honored military leaders from England and the United States.
The warden of Cook County Hospital Chicago refuses to disclose public money figures, claiming his role is a trust from politicians. The county board accepts funds as they are handed, noting they originate from the hospital, and sees no need for precise accounting of larger trust items.
An article notes that science explained in plain terms helps the public grasp facts. It cites a dinosaur and a late scientist describing a fossil monster as a steak of extraordinary size, provoking speculation on waiters and tipping in a prehistoric dining scenario.
In Germany electric plowing proves cheaper than steam for heavy soils with deep cultivation. Electric plowing costs 11.25 to 14.25 dollars per acre versus 21.25 dollars per acre for steam. Royal Prussian farms use a motor wagon with a driven drum mechanism and can couple the motor to the wagon wheels to advance at each pass, plowing 8 to 10 inches deep.
The article notes that wartime preparations show omnibus traffic in London and major English cities remains dominant and subsidized by the government, similar to major steamship lines. It records nearly twenty thousand horses sent to South Africa and new drafts drawn on London Birmingham and other omnibus firms to replace them, with costs of £30 to £35 per horse.
An obituary of Ignatius Forstermann, famed orchid hunter, detailing his travels to dangerous areas in search of rare blooms. From Basle to Silchar, his pursuits spanned jungle hunts, tiger encounters, and head hunter territories, ending after years near Newton station on Long Island where he kept cultivating orchids.
Forstermann, sent to India by a British orchid firm, locates a rare orchid in Manipur after a costly search. He collects thousands of specimens across Asia, earning substantial profits and returning years later with two dozen new varieties.
W G Grace recalls a Tom Emmett tale about a bowler who, after fielders dropped many catches, lost his temper and shouted I am not going to bowl any more There’s an epidemic on this ground but thank heaven it ain t catchin t.
English service drills emphasize marching, charging, retreating, and forming battle lines. Soldiers practice all procedures needed for wartime operations except actual combat, finding enjoyment in learning discipline and coordination.
Rope making is described as a primitive but effective Manila industry. Hemp arrives in bales and is processed with twelve spools and dual crank machines. Two men guide cones to separate tangles as twelve strands weave into a rope the size of a clothesline, rolled into coils for shipment.
A naval court-martial at League Island near Philadelphia acquitted Corporal Scanlon of unsoldierly conduct and neglect of duty after considering whether guarding an officer’s residence allowed romantic activity. The verdict held that love-making and guard duty can occur together, with Secretary Long approving and ordering restoration to duty.
Leafless forests occur in Australia where the Leafless Acacia uses a phyllode to perform leaf functions amid extreme heat and drought. Casuarina trees mimic oak in color and hardness. Florida and Mexican dry districts also host leafless forests and thorny mimosa types with growth through thorns rather than leaves.
A "smile doctor" in London offers lip and mouth exercises for a small fee to transform any laugh or smile into a charming playful expression. The method emphasizes eye movement and practice, with results after a few weeks. Actresses and music-hall artists reportedly patronize the tutor.
A six year old reconcentrado boy, exhausted by hunger during the Cuba blockade of El Caney, is saved by Lieut Brooke and fed in San Francisco. The boy later presents a chicken to Brooke as thanks, which is carried by Gen Shafter from camp to Santiago to Montauk and Governor's Island, symbolizing mercy and gratitude from the reconcentrados.
An old discussion on which falls faster a pound of lead or a pound of feathers yields Galileo's experiment with balls of lead and the 17th century conclusion that in air the lighter object falls more slowly. In a vacuum all bodies fall equally. in atmosphere small dense bodies act as theory predicts, with an ounce object descending faster than a ton, though differences grow observable only at larger distances.
Nature argues that youth may sneer at anatomy but serious artists rely on anatomical studies to build true impressionism. It praises Dr Paul Richer for an artist anatomist method that shows the figure in action and explains how surface contours reveal underlying structures.
A judge recalls Mr Moona’s absent minded behavior as he loses his pocketbook and searches the dictionary for it among the letters p and s. The exchange with Mrs Tellington highlights his forgetfulness.
Bees raised in Texas are shipped to all parts of the world, highlighting the state as a key supplier in the global apiculture market. Local operators emphasize large apiary capacity and expanding export routes.
In a brief exchange, Jack questions a gift of a V while Tom reframes friendship, noting, You lean an X to Jones, who is nearly a stranger, and Jack admits a concern about losing a friend. Catholic Standard and Times presents the folded social cue as a small moral vignette.
The Secret Service uncovered another ring creating bogus currency and seized a quantity of counterfeit bills. The criminals allegedly imitated high value items, including Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, famed for indigestion dyspepsia and constipation, noting no equal among imitators.
A Washington Star quote shows a sympathetic citizen remarking that worry ends, while the unsuccessful candidate answers that he must hustle harder than ever to find something to be thankful for before November 30. The exchange highlights ongoing pressure and a tight timetable after an election.
An advertisement touts Hood's Sarsaparilla as a cure for poor health and weak vitality. It claims the tonic builds good blood, strengthens health, and gives courage to men and women who previously felt life offered no hope, promising never disappoints.
A summary note on how minor insults and miscommunications sparked major wars. It cites examples from history including the Franco German conflict, the seven years war, Crimean war, and the Napoleonic era as discussed in Leslie's Weekly. It highlights the paradox that wars can arise from small provocations and uncertain aims.
A Norwich dean recounts a story where he finds a farm lad at a stile eating bread and bacon. After a brief rebuke for blocking passage, the lad quips that the dean teaches nothing, but the lad feeds himself, implying self-reliance.
A brief, vivid note quotes the New York Journal mocking haste in a race story. It mentions a Circassian-What and The Wild Man with a manager boosting a runner a quarter second day, leading to a broken leg while rushing to a restaurant.
A comic exchange shows Mrs. Golde lacking callers to play and Nanette informing a caller that madame is blind, reflecting a humorous Parisian scene described in the Philadelphia North American.
The Sarcastic Boarder notes the diverse species of articles butter in a finish fight. He evades the landlady’s gaze and backs this against any horned variety, as reported by the New York Press.
An observant boarder asks about Gen Joubert and British use of lyddite and the reply mocks a wartime stance. The cross eyed boarder jokes that Joubert would settle the conflict by a harmless game of checkers in the Chronicle Telegraph item.
The John M Smyth Co advertises a sewing machine bargain aimed at every household. Established in Chicago over 80 years, the firm promises square treatment and reliability. A mammoth catalogue includes everything to eat wear or use.
Mrs. Snaggs remarks that Dewey favors short engagements and cites Spanish veterans who were at Manila last year as testimony. The Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph reports the remark.
A Chicago Record quip notes a painter s approach to hanging pictures. The article highlights a humorous reply about avoiding upside down placement and reflects light gossip on artistic display manners.
A Chicago Record humor item questions a fashion choice with an exaggerated handbag idea. The quip highlights social expectations of women and domestic labor through a playful exchange about a hat.
A brief theater or humor line portrays a quarrel over a daughter's suitor. One man confronts another with a sharp retort about good judgment, highlighting a clash of values and social stance in a concise exchange.
A fragment notes a personal moment of joy tied to a Baker event in Philadelphia on December 8 1995. Limited readable text mentions “curtailed” joy and implies a saved or rewarded outcome related to a specific person.
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