Nonsense Snippets From A Distant Paper Stand
A mosaic of satirical quips touching on Solomon temple plumbing, postal card inventor’s death, California earthquakes and prune crops, czar disarmament, a Denver scientist rediscovering Eros, Vanderbilt’s pond bid, train robbers, Alfonso in Spain, quarantines for Yohe and Strong, chauffeurs and dead bodies, Great Salt Lake water drop, Lord Kitchener, Paris street scenes, a Buffalo robbery, preacher lines, a cholera note, and grim microbes.
Sphinx Crumbling Opens Fund Drive for Restoration
A warning that the Egyptian sphinx is deteriorating spurs American multimillionaires to fund a relic restoration effort. The alert shifts attention to preservation and potential donations from wealthy benefactors seeking to support cultural heritage.
Wealth figures and poker fortunes in New York dispatch
A New York dispatch claims Gates's wealth is only 20 million dollars, which the writer calls ridiculous as he supposedly wins more than that weekly at poker. The piece notes a gender bias against women in business and their trouble watching debtors gamble away funds.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York
Gates
One rhyme for month and other age remarks
The Cleveland Plain Dealer jokes there is one rhyme for month as oneth while joking about rhymes for millionth and billionth. Sarah Bernhardt at 68 is said to be not yet stout, and Rose Coghlan in Montana declares intent to become a U S citizen as the quest for attractive citizens continues.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Cleveland Plain Dealer
Sarah Bernhardt
Rose Coghlan
Montana
Lewis and Clark County
The
United States
Polar expedition dodges Peary in final dash
The Baldwin Zeigler expedition faces a difficult final dash as it skirts around Lieut Peary to avoid direct confrontation in the north pole race. The outcome remains uncertain as weather and ice conditions influence the campaign.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Baldwin-Zeigler
North Pole
Lieut. Peary
How many men quote a rag and a bone and a hank of hair
A reader asks about the Kipling line from The Vampire and notes that after quarrels some men mock with phrases about a rag and a bone and a hank of hair. The inquiry seeks the count of such references in literary history.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Kipling
Grave diggers strike in Chicago cemetery
The grave diggers in a Chicago cemetery have struck but the situation is not as serious as it might be. Since the advent of the automobile scorcher it frequently happens that there isn’t anything left to bury.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Chicago
London Ready for SA Generals Audience at King’s Word
When Gens. Botha Dewet and De larey reach London King Edward will grant them an audience. The piece notes earlier meetings could have altered the war’s course and adds minor remarks on Bourcart remaining in London and a reference to flowers laid before Lafayette. The text ends with a poet’s winter question.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Botha
Dewet
Delarey
London
Edward
Obituary notices from various cities report multiple deaths
The report lists Che Rews Personal Chester Mass Luther Marsh Middletown N Y W A Hemphill Atlanta Ga Henry T Rainey Carrollton Ill Augustus Torrey Detroit and others. It notes deaths from causes including apoplexy Brights disease and injuries from a runaway accident with details on ages and locations. Ex governor Alonzo Cornell is reported in a deteriorating mental condition with fear of nonrecovery.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
G. M. Hopkins
Scientific American
Chester
Mass
Luther R. Marsh
Middletown
N. Y
W. A. Hemphill
The
Atlanta Constitution
Atlanta
Henry T. Rainey
Carrollton
Greene County
Congress
Democrats
Illinois Dstrict
Frank Crane
People's Church
Chicago
Union Congregational Church
Worcester
Augustus Torrey
Detroit
Michigan Central Railroad
Harper Hospital
Albion
Mich
Charles H. Thompson
Butch” Thompson
Saratoga
Long Branch
Bright
Alonzo B. Cornell
New York
Ithaca
Cornell
Mount Aspromonte brigand killed after clash with troops
Lombardo the notorious Italian brigand is said to have been surrounded on Mount Aspromonte in Reggio province by Italian troops and killed after a sharp encounter. A separate telegram from Oran says Moor forces attacked a French supply column near Ain Delkelil with casualties on both sides. Emperor Francis Joseph marked his seventy second birthday in Vienna with a 20 000 strong review and amnesty for lese majeste prisoners. Raglan plans a charity show in Beckenham wearing coronation robes to aid the local hospital for a six cent admission. Gaston De Knyff praises W K Vanderbilt Jr as a top speed motorist in a Paris Matin letter warning of breakneck speeds and risks.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Marsolino
Aspromonte
Reggio
Oran
Algiers
Ain Delkelil
Francis Joseph
Raglan
Beckenham
Kent
Gaston de Knyff
Paris Matin
W. K
Trains collide injuring and killing in two incidents
A special bearing 600 excursionists from Cincinnati ran into a freight at Hammond Indiana killing one and injuring one. A Pennsylvania train on the New York and Long Branch road was rear collided at Belmar near Asbury Park New Jersey by a New Jersey Central special smashing six cars and injuring several. Comedian Barney Flynn fell from a hotel window in Buffalo fracturing both knees a fractured hip and skull. Patrick Sweeney of Hazelton cut his hair during a strike and burned scalp using chlorine lime solution.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Pennsylvania
New York & Long Branch
Belmar
Asbury Park
N. J
New Jersey Central
Barney” Flynn
Wee
Washington Hotel
Buffalo
Patrick Sweeney
Hazelton
Multiple sharpshootings and crimes spree across cities
Audrey Newman14 a boy killed by a watermelon patch guard in Knoxville. Lewis Salden Wayne Shoup robbed on Union Pacific Overland Limited. Ex Gov Pattison of Philadelphia received an Infernal machine but failed ignition. Levi Perham19 and Mrs Martha Rogers confess murder for $500 life insurance. Manuel Chevese Cuban shot J C Allen wounded Mrs Allen in Tampa. Frances Spur Chicago found $2000 in old slippers. Oscar Thompson Chicago confessed to Bartholin-Mitchell crimes. John A Hinsey Knights of Pythias officer suspended over $500000 misappropriation. White oil workers in Houston clash with nearby black creosote workers. one dead two wounded one white man fatally hurt. C S Morris grave opened at Guthrie. coffin held two pounds ice amid exhumation suspicions.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Levi Perham
Benington
Martus Rogers
Manuel Chevese
J. C. Allen
Oscar Thompson
Chicago
Bartholin-Mitchell
Inspector Hunt
John A. Hinsey
Board of Control
Knights of Pythias
Grand Tribunal of Illinois
Houston
Tex
Creosote Works
C. S. Morris
Madison
Kan
Guthrie
Okla
Rebels seize Cumana and other mid century events
The text notes Venezuelan rebels occupy Cumana while Miss Galdys Deacon denies a betrothal to Prince Frederick William. Excitement in Yatacan over petroleum discovery, King Edward gives Westminster Abbey a golden rucifix, Poultney Bigelow in an Austrian hospital after a bicycle accident, and Sir Henry Irving plans a Drury Lane revival. India reports worsening famine due to scarce rains. About 27,000 American troops remain in the Philippine Islands. Japan election returns hint Marquis Ito’s forces hold control. Hungary’s wheat yield estimated at 166,200,000 bushels with July 30 estimate at 44,500,000. Anticipated meeting sees abdication of Afrikander chief in favor of Botha and De Wet and others.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Henry Irving
London
Drury Lane Theater
India
Philippine Islands
Japan
House of Representatives
Marquis Ito
Botha
Kuger
Afrikander
DeWet
Meners
Fischer
Wil- Marar
Various 1904 items on industry travel and crime in brief
A wide collection of short notes reports include Titus quitting rowing for the year. Candy makers form a 10 million dollar trust in St Louis Chicago and Cincinnati. Aguinaldo lectures plan for the US. Rubber rival found in Brazil tree. Missing pastor from Katonah N J. New York firm buys 300 French autos for delivery. Shovel price controls fail. Capt Newman and son voyage to Falmouth in Abiel Abbott Low. Russian grand duke in Chicago injures auto in collision. Temiscamingue sale to W C Edwards Co Ottawa for 300000. A Chicago professor proposes luxurious prison for vice. South Chicago raises motormen wages. strike ends. Shifting leadership in Rathbone Sisters. Manitoba wheat yield forecast at 60 million bushels. Cardinal Vaughan sends missionary fundraisers. Roosevelt visit scuttles St Louis meeting. Wisconsin Central denial on Chicago entry. Jewish NYC population estimates. Former Paterson mayor Gilmore dies by suicide. A camel-ordeal on wedding tour in Ohio. Marlborough duchess arrival in New York. Japan seeks Siberian trade via Vladivostok. A Bowing green man sent to asylum. Naval academy exams advance. Berlin ends horse cars.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Grand Duke
Russia
Chicago
Arthur Hill Company
Michigan
Temiscamingue
W. C. Edawards Company
Ottawa
Prof. Andrews
Chicago University
South Chicago Street Railway Company
Bell Quinland
Galesburg
Ill
Supreme Temple of Rathbone Sisters
N. J. Nelson
Union City
Ind
McNicholl
Canadian Pacific Railway
Manitoba
Cardinal Vaughan
Westminster
Francis Henry
St. Joseph's Missionary College
United States
Canada
National Republican League
St. Louis
Roosevelt
Republican State League of Missouri
Thomas Shaughnessy
Canadian Pacific Railroad
Wisconsin Central Railway
Roosevelt Welcomed in Hartford on New England Tour
President Roosevelt arrives in Hartford where about 10 000 workers greet him with a large floral horseshoe gift. A gala day with perfect weather ends in a well received speech on national relations at Poke Park and Coliseum crowds.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Hartford
Conn
Roosevelt
New England
Poke Park
Michael Sullivan
America
Isthmian Canal
Wires in Brief: Falls, Merger Denial, Shipping Subsidy
Mrs. R H Daniel of Birmingham broke her neck after falling from bed. A Chicago Eleventh Presbyterian church congregation extends a cab to Rev. Alexander C Mason of Duluth, who may accept. President John Skelton Williams denies Seaboard Air Line plans to merge with Morgan-controlled Southern roads. In Liverpool shipping circles it is said government approval increased Cunard mail subsidy after the line rejected the shipping combine. Prof Olson of Wisconsin travels via Copenhagen to study Scandinavian languages. Great Falls Montana receives another million acres withdrawn from entry as part of St Marys canal irrigation push. three million acres withdrawn overall with more likely within thirty days.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Alexander C. Mason
Duluth
Eleventh Presbyterian Church of Chicago
John Skelton Williams
Seaboard Air Line
Southern Roads
J. Pierpont Morgan
Liverpool
Cunard Line
Great Falls
Mont
Washington
St. Mary’s Canal
War game still on Pillsbury has two nights to land
Rockport Mass August 24 The war game scenario echoes Santiago days as Admiral Higginson's defense squadron watches for Commander Pillsbury's supposed hostile fleet. An early evening thunderstorm and fog reduced visibility, but by 9 pm the moon came out. Pillsbury now has two more nights to establish a base or lose the game.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Rockport
Mass
Santiago
Higginson
Pillsbury
Cervera
Gripman Killed as Cable Car Crashes in Kansas City
In Kansas City an escaped gripman at the Ninth street incline caused a cable car to crash into a stalled train at union station. The runaway car and a rear coach were crushed. Gripman W. B. Taylor died instantly and at least twenty passengers were injured.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Kansas City
Ninth Street
Union Station
W. B. Taylor
Markets Report From Grain and Live Stock Centers
Stock and grain prices across multiple centers shown for August 25. Wheat futures and cash offers in St Paul Minneapolis and Chicago. cattle and hogs bid ranges in Sioux City Chicago and South St Paul. oats corn rye and barley prices listed by center with notable highs and lows.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
St. Paul
Minneapolis
Northern
New
Duluth
Milwaukee
Wis
Chicago
Sioux City
Iowa
South St. Paul
Turkey Comes Off Its Perch and Seeks Amicable Ties
The state department reports from Constantinople that amicable relations have been restored between the Ottoman government and the Porte. Sultan directs partial implementation of a previously reached agreement. Leishman resumes talks with the foreign affairs secretary on unsettled topics after interventions by the grand vizier.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Sam
Washington
State Department
Leishman
Constantinople
Legation
Porte
Town springs up in a day in Oklahoma of 3000
The town of Thomas City in Custer county Oklahoma rose in a single day with about 3000 inhabitants. Lot drawing began, over 200 lots sold, some $20 lots now marked 1000 to 1500. Water and food plentiful, barren land turned into a tented village. A newspaper was printed hours after the draws. A large celebration is planned for Monday.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Thomas City
Okla
Mas
Custer County
Skagway with Kinks Delays Cable Repairs
Tacoma August 24 Although the Skagway Jun eau cable is not broken government repair crews halted work and abandoned the effort due to many kinks along the 100 mile line. Insulation is broken in numerous spots requiring a likely new cable. it was laid last fall and operated only briefly.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Skagway-Juneau
Tacoma
Wash
Skagway
Juneau
Forest Fire Wreaks Havoc Near Walsenburg Colorado
A massive forest fire on the western slope of the Green mountains, thirty miles from Walsenburg in Huerfano county, has destroyed much valuable timber and is beyond control. Prospector Pueblo Martinez is believed killed, with several camping parties feared in danger.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Colorado
Walsenburg
Colo
Green Mountain Range
Huerfano County
Pueblo Martinez
German leaders urged to skip St Louis exposition
Tageblatt argues against German industrial participation at the St Louis exposition, contending American protectionism makes German business there impossible, in a long leader from Berlin dated Aug 24.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Berlin
Tageblatt
St. Louis Exposition
Serious Charge Against Clerk in Minneapolis Post Office
Harry Rog ers a well known young man and former Thirteenth Minnesota regiment member employed as a mailing clerk at the Minneapolis post office for over two years was arrested and arraigned before U S Commissioner Howard Abbott on charges of secreting and embezzling from the United States mails. He posted $2000 bail and faces further arraignment.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Minneapolis
Commissioner's Court
Murderer Hangs Self After Flight near Russellville
Hugh Marshall, accused of killing Miss Zoda Vick near Russellville Kentucky last Wednesday, was found hanged yesterday in a barn about a mile from the crime scene. The case ends without trial as authorities close the investigation.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Russgellaville, Ky
Hugh Marshall
Zoda Vick
They Watch A Boy Drown In Mississippi River
Winona Minnesota August 22 The thirteen year old son of Joseph Smee drowned yesterday afternoon while swimming in the Mississippi river Lumber yard workers saw a boy in the water and his companions held a fishpole toward him but misjudged the danger He disappeared soon after and was reported drowned in time to save him if they had known the risk
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Winona
Minn
Joseph Smee
Mississippi River
North Dakota news notes commerce and growth
A compilation of local developments across North Dakota includes Inkster creamery demand, Hooded drought hopes, town incorporation bids, new stores and churches, school consolidations, and county seat frictions. Reports cover Larimore Danish settlement, Bottineau clothing store, Minot depot, Valley City high school cost, Kensal elevator plans, Williston hobos, and numerous rural projects.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Williston
Longdon {S
Minot
Great Northern
Valley City
Kensal
Ramsey County
Ward County
Walsh County
Lengdon
Frisco
K. P
Literary Hints for the Wealthy From a German Publisher
A London author reprints a German publisher's advertising dicta on tasteful gentility in reading. It lists do's and don'ts for a gentleman owner of books, dowry considerations, and disdain for circulating libraries. The quip underscores classed literary taste and intellectual ownership over cheap editions or borrowed volumes.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
London
New York Times
Almanac Heals Kidney Trouble Says Mrs Sanders
Matthews Arkansas August 25 Mrs Lee S Sanders credits Dodd's Almanac 1902 for guiding her to Dodd's Kidney Pills. She suffered lifelong kidney issues and after using the pills reports strong improvement and belief they can cure kidney trouble.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Matthews, Ark
Lee S. Sanders
Dodd
Tragic Parisian tale linked to trousers' rise
A London Daily News note recalls a Paris tragedy tied to the advent of elongated garments and knee breeches. A successful maker of false calves for noble legs drowned himself in the Seine, fearing his craft would vanish as sartorial fashions shifted to trousers.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Paris
Seine
France
London Daily News
Seashore Letter Writer’s Clever Stamp Trick
A Baltimore Herald quote shows a wife’s clever financial ploy at the seashore. She writes for money, encloses a self addressed stamped envelope, and a pre made out check for her husband to sign. The dialogue notes the husband’s feigned surprise at the scheme.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Baltimore Herald
A Harvest of Colds as Senorers Seek Cure
Nearly everyone is suffering a cold. The best reliable remedy is Cole's Cough Cure. Available in 008 drameiots, 25 and 50 cents.
Example of Oriental Logic
A man buys three pounds of meat for dinner and leaves for work. His hungry wife eats it and claims the cat consumed the meat. He weighs the cat and questions where the meat went, delivering a humorous paradox from Harper's Magazine.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Bazars
Harper’s Magazine
Head Floor Walker Ridiculed for Complex Directions
The judge notes the seasoned floor walker gave a labyrinthine route to ribbons, criticizing the guidance as indecipherable. A new floor walker confirms the convoluted directions, illustrating the clash between experience and novice skill in the department.
Locust Problem Sparks Rural Wit in Letter to Editor
A farmer laments locusts and the absence of a sure plan to rid the country. The postmaster retorts that if milliners trimmed hats with stuffed locusts, none would be seen for a century, a tongue in cheek remark attributed to a Judge.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Tha ‘Armer
Ladies can wear shoes one size smaller with Allen's Foot-Ease
Advert says Allen's Foot-Ease powder makes tight or new shoes comfortable and cures swollen hot sweating aching feet ingrowing nails corns and bunions. Available at all druggists and shoe stores for 25 cents. Trial package free by mail address Allen F. Olmsted LeRoy New York.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Allen
Olmsted
LeRoy, N. Y
History and Pugilism Pa and the Great Peter
A light exchange between a father and son riffs on Peter the Great and boxing training. The boy asks about another name for Peter the Great and the father replies with a tongue in cheek remark about retirement from training rather than death.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Peter the Great
Answ
Grain Commission firm offers half-price Beautiful Picture ad
Woodward Company of Minneapolis, a well known Grain Commission firm, runs a column offering a Beautiful Picture at about half-price. It claims no trickery but a genuine desire to present itself favorably at crop season start. The piece also contains dated political and moral reflections.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Woodward Company
Minneapolis
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D" R. Stureraa
Wnton, Emmons Co
N. D
California
Denver
William K. Vanderbilt
Illinois
Alfonso
Old
Spain
Yohe
Strong
Great Salt Lake
Lord Kitchener
Egypt
Dr. C. D. Bourcart
Lafayette
Will.t
Inkain
Che Rews
Cincinnati
Hammond
Audrey Newman
Knoxville
Tenn
Lewis Salden
Wayne Shoup
Porter
Barber
Union Pacific Overland
Barber Wharf
Pattison
Philadelphia
Cumana
Poultney Bigelow
Titus
Aguinaldo
Brazil
Arthur St. Teal
First Presbyterian Church
Katonah
Capt
Newman
Falmouth
Eng
Abiel Abbott Low
Board of Health
Jewish World
New York City
Manhattan
David T. Gilmore
Paterson
Mr. Gilmore
E. L. Volmer
Matilda Grummell
Tiffin
Ohio
Brownson Club
Volkmer
Duchess of Marlborough
Consuelo Vanderbilt
O. H. P. Belmont
William K. Vanderbilt, Jr
Belmont
W. K. Vanderbilt, Jr
Virginia Fair
Vanderbilts
Siberia
Greener
Vladivostok
John G. Gerard
Bowlihig
Green
Kentuck Asylum
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Gerard
Naval Academy
President Roosevelt
England
R. H. Daniel
Birmingham
Ala
Olson
University of Wisconsin
Copenhagen
Denmark
Scandinavia
Turkey
North Dakota State News
Inkster
Donnybrook
Traill County
Abercrombie
Sco
Bottineau
Jamestown
Bowbells
Esmond Lumber Firms
Larimore
Linton
Dunselth
Rolette County Court House
Kathryn
Forman
Jamestown & Northern
Prohibition
North Dakota
Dr. Krasnol
Edmore
Dickinson
Fin Jey
Renville County
Mandan
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Buford
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Walcott
McIntyre
Grafton
Fargo
McHenry
Pierce
Old Renville
Rev. Sheridan
Episcopal Church
Lidgerwood
Lizzie van Camp
Drayton
Oberlin School
Schwartz
Ross
Bottineau County
St. Peter's Gate
Norwich
Wise