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Newspaper
Emmons County Record
Location
Linton, North Dakota, United States of America
Date
Apr 14, 1899
Page
2
A collection of humorous notes and observations from Emmons Co Herald including quips about a peanut politician being roasted, a self applying sermon, gun prowess versus success, church loyalties, Cuban bandits in hills, General Brooke duties, a smile across languages, bartender claims on finger sizes, open door policy in China, and the Washington flag signaling presidential and congressional activity.
The piece contrasts the idea of new diplomacy with blunt honesty in state dealing. It cites Chauncey Depew and a British ambassador critique of past American ministers, praising Bayard’s candid approach as beneficial. A joke follows about a senator mistaking a county chairman for one of Mr Jones’ sons, exposing memory lapses and politics.
Railroads push move of manufacturing from East to West. Iowa hosts new button factories using Mississippi and Rock river shells, replacing imported India and Australia shells. Waders collect shells at 1–3 cents per pound. 15 pounds of buttons per 100 pounds of shells. Also notes Havana appointive shifts to Cubans and New York legislators probing English on laundry tickets amid racial tensions.
A long historical feature tracks the Habsburgs from their Alsace origins to the Habsburg seat at Hawksburg Berne Switzerland. It notes the castle's 1020 origin, later restorations, and the 1895 completion offering a view over the Aare and Brugg.
Children at city schools now ask for Hobsons instead of kisses when buying fluffy cakes from penny bakers. Kisses under the mistletoe this Christmas were named after the Merrimac hero. A North Side girl wore a mistletoe wreath, and berries were picked bare, showing a playful seasonal note in holiday greenery.
A brief exchange where she rejects him and declares it the end with no sequel, echoed in a Puck quotation. The dialogue underscores finality and literary wit without further consequence or continuation.
A lighthearted line about variety at a boarding house with the punchline about endless hash. The exchange hints at humor and everyday domestic life in a small setting.
A Detroit Journal report recounts an incident in which an aged citizen and his son's mother press for legal help. Facing a criminal case, they offer ten dollars at first and promise more later, insisting on retaining the defender to avoid changing counsel. The mother proclaims she’d rather be late than not late enough, recalling happier days with fine church hats.
A dramatic moment unfolds as a character cries too late and forces a fatal potion to be consumed. The act marks a grim turning point amid a fatefully charged confrontation.
Franklin sits with a Frenchman and an Englishman as each toasts. The Englishman praises Great Britain as the sun that gives light to all nations, the Frenchman hails France as the moon moving tides, and Franklin pays tribute to George Washington as the Joshua of America who made sun and moon stand still.
A brief joke from the Somerville Journal notes a tame and unexciting married life with spouses quarreling over the idea of a dull existence. The exchange portrays domestic humor and daily life in a local paper’s light style.
An underground chalk basin beneath London holds a vast lake of pure water, 2,506 square miles in extent and 100 feet deep. With an estimated rainfall recharge of 280 billion gallons annually, the city could yield about 7.065 billion gallons daily, potentially ending reliance on costly private suppliers like the New River Company. The discovery promises inexpensive, inexhaustible water and threatens to upend long standing water politics.
Miss Rose Ottenheimer, a Californian by adoption, has patented a metal hat box under a seat with a simple spring system. The box folds from a box under the seat, lifts when opened, and cleans easily, designed for theaters churches and Pullman cars to store hats and wraps without disturbing occupants.
The piece notes that English dominates global letter mail, with two thirds of all letters mailed worldwide in English, despite hundreds of millions of non English speakers. It cites population and literacy gaps, compares Russia and Britain post volumes, and mentions British India business letters mainly use English despite limited spoken fluency.
A Bangor Commercial note reports a Portland cat that will only drink Sebago water from a faucet. When thirsty, she perches at the sink and mews until relief arrives. The faucet drips slowly as she cranes to catch each drop, sometimes catching several with a paw to sip later.
An old advertisement touts Dr. Williams Pink Pills for Pale People as a cure for locomotor ataxia and other nervous disorders once deemed incurable. The piece claims remarkable success before general public availability and questions the lack of proof.
A Paris winter custom at elite dinners involved presenting each guest with a card reading Pray do not talk of the Dreyfus affair to maintain calm and pleasure, as reported by the Houston Herald.
A short Chicago News snippet shows a passerby asking a drug clerk to trust him for a postage stamp until tomorrow. The clerk responds with a wary yet calm remark, joking about fatal outcomes as a trivial loss. The exchange captures a light moment in daily life.
In a chatty exchange from Chicago News, Mrs. Peck and Professor Reader joke about palmistry. The palm reader says the speaker has the hand of an artist, provoking lighthearted regret about not pursuing art earlier.
Ruan J Cheney owner of F J Cheney & Co of Toledo swears firm will pay one hundred dollars for each case of catarrh cured by Hall's Catarrh Cure. Frank J Cheney signs. notary A W Gleason confirms oath. Cure advertised with testimonials and contact in Toledo Ohio.
A Cincinnati Inquirer item notes a comical exchange about a weather prophet. Mr Wrenter mentions preparing for cold weather as a window that stuck all summer finally loosens. Mrs Wrenter jokes about the prophet setup.
A Beecher quote on value encourages measuring a person by inner substance rather than outward wealth. It suggests true worth comes from character and actions, not material possessions. The line emphasizes inner qualities as the measure of a person.
The Chicago News quotes Mrs. Rockingham on her son’s literary progress. She doubts he is making headway while noting no one accuses him of stealing others’ writing. The excerpt ends with a reflection on genuine character shown through earnest apology.
A Chicago Tribune exchange notes a printing error where the Highupanup club was said to host a howling contest instead of a bowling contest. The young man expresses mortification as he explains the misprint to the city editor.
The Washington Star quotes a confidant of Aguinaldo describing his defiant stance and language. He says he does not want to fight the United States despite speaking in loaded terms due to his Spanish education and lingering idioms.
Chicago sent word that General Passenger Agent Austin of the Baltimore and Ohio Rail Road reported rate cutting by rival lines to the receivers. B and O headquarters strenuously deny the claim. Austin says no such cases have come to his notice and calls the report a fake.
The Plant Line maintains a schedule of five ships per week between Porto Tampa and Havana. For information about Cuba, Porto Rico and Jamaica contact B. W. Wrenn, Passenger Traffic Manager, Plant System, Savannah, Ga.
A small boy asks a grocer to let his mother have a pound of treacle with repayment on Saturday. The grocer refuses credit, stating no credit is extended. The boy clarifies that his mother does not want credit, only the treacle.
A single dose of Five Drops will benefit you for la grippe and a few days’ use will cure you. See their advertisement in another column of this paper with strong testimonials.
A Chicago Journal quip plays on love and timing as a young man plans a cookbook gift for his wife after six months of marriage. The experienced speaker suggests buying early to avoid seeming cold. The fragment ends with a note that once ice is gone it melts quickly, hinting at fading affection and rapid change.
Housekeepers quickly learn Dr Price's Cream Baking Powder yields the finest, daintiest, and most wholesome pastry. Using it allows omitting eggs and using less butter for shortening, saving money and avoiding egg-freshness issues. Cakes of every kind, from griddle to Bride Cake, can be made.
The advertisement promotes Dr Price's Cream Baking Powder as making light tender griddle cakes quickly and safe for dyspeptics. It asserts cakes stay moist longer than with other powders and touts a World’s Columbian medal and diploma as proof of superiority.
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