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Newspaper
Emmons County Record
Location
Linton, North Dakota, United States of America
Date
Apr 04, 1902
Page
2
A strip of quips and notices parodies by Emmons Co. Record staff, riffing on science, politics, and society. References include Edison, Marconi, Queen Wilhelmina, Gatling plow, and a Wisconsin Holstein yielding 684 pounds of milk weekly amid tongue in cheek commentary.
Ping-pong is among the few gambling games where players can gain desirable exercise for their money or win desirable money in exchange for their exercise, illustrating the sport as a rare payback activity.
A collection of curious notes references King Edward golf days Kipling Monte Carlo misprints and a tramp jailed for three months. It also cites a Michigan claim locating hell five miles deep and laments the difficulty of crafting constitutional anti trust laws amid powerful lawyers.
Governor Taft notes that sultans in the Moro islands rival barons in Germany and justices of the peace in the United States, a comparison that undercuts respect for the title.
In Chicago an elderly couple ended fifty years of marriage with the husband sent to a hospital and the wife to the poorhouse. The piece notes how small funds could have prevented the tragedy and hints at Carnegie's wealth being better used for libraries. It then recalls a New Jersey official accused by a woman who identified him as a polite burglar, suggesting officials often show little embarrassment.
A Chicago report notes a Bible stolen from Northwestern University’s reading room amid speculation on motives. The piece also mocks senators avoiding duty and quotes Rear Admiral Sampson on signal distance, then describes two Kansas farmers traveling to New York to buy a gold extraction process and returning with their money.
The Indianapolis Sentinel analyzes odds for baby boys to reach major roles and fate. It cites 30,000,000 to one they will not be president or Supreme Court justice, with other odds for senator, representative, governor, and public service roles, noting regional variance and caveats.
In 1890 German Franciscan Father Bernard Joseph Dobbing was elected bishop of Sutri and Nepi after leading exiled Friars who settled near Nepi. They rebuilt Santa Elia, renewed the sanctuary, and grew the convent into a regional beacon of faith, with Dobbing beloved by his Italian flock.
A dentist on F Street notes some patients linger in the chair though it is not a popular retreat. He says he has just finished a procedure and reflects on nervous patients and the tension of dental visits.
Four green jadestone seals once owned by a Dowager Empress of China sold at auction in London. One white jade seal, possibly carved by Emperor Qianlong, bears a poetry inscription. The Yi Kun palace seals combine phoenix and dragon emblems, signaling imperial power. The dowager’s seal reads Nourish your mind and nurse your spirits. The Yi Kun seal bears Written by the Imperial Hand in the Yi Kun palace.
A Harvard freshman who arrived day after Christmas needed extensive dental work but claimed nervous strain limited him to two sittings weekly. His father asked to speed up the procedure, insisting the boy was faking nerves to prolong his vacation. The dentist completed the work in 24 hours, leaving the patient without a grin after five minutes in the chair.
The Philadelphia Record notes a 1797 letter by financier Robert Morris to John Nicholson, penned three months before a four year debtors prison confinement. The humorous missive laments suits and legal woes, complains about courtooms, and ends with a wish for rest, hinting at distress and possible derangement.
A tale from Lippincott's Magazine recalls a brusque old admiral whose warship hosted the king of Portugal. Instead of addressing him as Your Majesty, the admiral called him king, guiding him about with lines like Step this way king and Look out for your head king. He finally invited the king to the cabin for a drink, proving a blunt yet hospitable style.
A married woman seldom goes on the lecture platform, believing her audience is at home. The text suggests a conversationalist need not know the topic to engage, and implies the peanut gallery enjoys the show because the stage remains out of sight.
The piece notes Nicholas II cost upwards of 25 million dollars with 15 million from government and 5 million from towns, compares earlier czaric costs, cites George IV as 12.5 million including robe and crown, and William IV and Victoria sums. Edison’s hearing anecdote shows his wit when asked to drink.
A report describes a cave in Dordogne France where a natural rock gallery reveals stone age engravings. The discovery is attributed to researchers including Capi Dread of Foreign Devil. The piece hints at global curiosity in ancient art and mentions a separate note about a Chinese court county and a man involved in a lawsuit.
Tan and Breuil report about 100 figures on cavern walls, indicating animals from the late palaeolithic era. Forty depict horses or horse-like beings, some haltered, suggesting domestication in western Europe, with mammals like bisons reindeer antelopes eland wild deer and fourteen examples of mammoth, some with hair. A few outlines may represent humans, and a dispute over foreign title ends in peace.
The article notes Mr. Tesla, among unfavorable critics, questioned Marconi's announcement about wireless signals. It recalls Tesla's past sensational statements claiming signals from other worlds and hints of a meteorological explanation for Marconi's message reported by the London Spectator.
Abel Washington a Black hunter from Silver Lake Wisconsin is knocked from a duck boat when a teal strikes the water nearby. A Sportsman in the stern recalls the moment as the teal swarmed feeding grounds at dawn. The event ends with the gurney collapsing and the dark object sinking into the lake.
A sportsman accidentally strikes Abel the colored guide with a teal during a duck hunt. Abel is badly injured, loses confidence, and quits guiding after the collision. The incident prompts reflections on class and responsibility.
In Brookdale the widow Simpson’s goose roams freely stringing together a string of disasters. It injures a child, raids yards and milk cans, tears washings, and wrecks the schoolroom. A vigilance group seeks compensation as the schoolhouse repairs mount to about $20.
A Capitol Washington experiment shows the dome's elliptical daily rise of about six inches due to sun heat and night cooling. A pendulum pencil traced the top’s movement on a paper floor while the Washington Monument and Statue of Liberty display similar daily shifts, with buildings and bridges adjusting to compensate. The piece links this science to concerns about fashion and corruption.
A massive $12 million scheme will drain New Orleans via a network of tunnels and gutters. The plan, showcased as engineering prowess, features a central power house with 10,500 horsepower, three subsidiary stations, and pumping to Bayou Bienvenue. Completion is hoped in three years, transforming the city into a sanitation model though at high cost.
In a New York Letter item the idea emerges that wealthy families may send their dogs to a Paris school for dogs to learn proper barking in French or English, to bow, pick up a fan, and walk with prancing steps, accompanied by a maid or attendant.
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