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Newspaper
Denton Journal
Location
Denton, Maryland, United States of America
Date
Jan 09, 1904
Page
2
Saturday morning issue dated January 9, 1904. Publishers Alvin & Johnson present a local page with brief notices, community items, and public notices typical of early 20th century county journalism.
A Parisian woman refuses to surrender her rent dispute by locking the fourth floor flat and throwing the key out the window. Four hours pass as bailiff and police misinterpret the scene, only to discover the front door cannot be forced. They flee with the chief of police after a hoax that stirred a streetful of onlookers. She wields amiable smiles to mislead officials.
A London Truth writer profiles tactless remarks by women and men, detailing scenes of insensitivity on serious matters. Examples include a wife on her husband's deathbed debating mourning attire and a foreign postcard causing marital strife as a misread English message travels from Germany to England.
A historic method tested ale for impurities by sugar content. An official tester wore leather breeches and sat unmoved for thirty minutes after pouring a specimen on a bench. If the bench remained dry, sugar was absent. if sticky, sugar indicated impurity.
A New York Press excerpt recounts a broken engagement after one woman declares she cannot marry a man who carries money in a fish scale purse. The other woman agrees, noting a preference for money in trouser pockets and dismissing the dainty purse as unmanly.
In Yale rhetoric class a young son, known as the president of a New York insurance firm, delayed his composition on success until the last moment. He telegraphed his father to write it. The midnight telegram led to a telegraphed article, but the professor marked the piece very low with the note that the father did not know what success means.
The Milwaukee Sentinel reports girls display subtler humor than boys. A prize-winning pupil mistook “Our Feathered Friends” for Indians or angels, while another in domestic economy gave odd sweeping directions.
A Philadelphia photographer recalls a woman visiting his studio and asking about children's pictures. He quotes three dollars a dozen, and she gratefully sighs she only has eleven, prompting a humorous moment captured by the Ledger.
A French savant notes spider webs enhance room acoustics. He recalls a hall in England once ideal for sound, ruined after ceilings were cleaned and spiders removed. He proposes hanging cotton strings across ceilings to restore sound carry.
A magistrate accuses Mooney of beating his wife and asks why he should avoid a fine or ten days in prison. Mooney deflects, noting his wife testifies to the beating, and jokes that she admits her own defeat, hinting at their past quarrels.
In a Chicago Record snippet Mrs Oldcastle taunts Mrs Seaddsleigh about restless habits and new games. The hostess notes Seaddsleigh is known for golf but may have taken up other pursuits affecting her standing. Josiah comments on how she should prioritize her children.
In late May migratory birds flood the Arctic shoreline, their arrival and chorus transforming the long days into a bustling, almost violent din. Swans, cranes, geese, brant, ducks, gulls, and terns nest in vast numbers, while the landscape shifts from bright activity to tranquil summer quietude. The piece notes birds’ clever fox avoidance, nesting on fox-free island retreats, and references Camp Life in Arctic America by Andrew J. Stone.
A man tried to sell his trained dog to a wary buyer. The dog was trained to bark at intruders and to carry bundles, even keeping items in its mouth. One night burglars entered the house with the dog, who stayed quiet because he was busy carrying a lantern for them.
A racing celebrity Captain Machell bet an officer £10 he could ascend a flight of forty one stairs two at a time. After twenty hops he was left one step short and lost. He then bet again and, hopping forty steps in twenty hops, returned by one step and won.
In 1860 British troops halted by a wide flooded river formed a timber bridge from coffins found in a village. Lacking timbers they used the coffins as planks to span the water and cross, an odd wartime improvisation that allowed the soldiers to continue their march alive.
Cholly and Ascum discuss Sloman repeating an old witticism about kind hearts being better than coronets. They note his cleverness to keep it in mind, referencing the Catholic Standard and Times.
An Episcopal minister in Cincinnati was shaved by a barber prone to drinking sprees. The barber's razor cut the minister's face, prompting the barber to quip that drink makes the skin tender. The exchange, narrated in Saxby’s Magazine, captures a comic yet hazardous moment.
The passage presents a dramatic scene where Gabriel’s trumpet signals judgment while the crowd reacts with varied enthusiasm. A small, defiant group sits apart, ignoring the spectacle and muttering among themselves as the event unfolds.
Lawrence Jerome, brother of a Lord Randolph Churchill linked by marriage, enjoyed a practical joke at Osborne House. He swapped royal stationery, crafted a phony queen letter, and waited for a lord’s dinner invitation. A real royal invitation arrived, prompting Jerome to accept with good humor.
In a London Globe item Jones asks Brown to choose between a five pound note or five sovereigns. Brown prefers the note, claiming it folds when pocketed and creases when removed, a punny riddle that leaves Brown puzzled as his club companion challenges the gag.
A writer notes Gladstone’s clothes varied with office. He wore shabby hats and worn frock coats during outside years, but dressed sharply at Downing Street. His Inverness cape dated from the Midlothian campaign and lasted past the 1892 election, while Edinburgh trips saw him bareheaded in public.
An elderly man praises the art of forgetting, calling a wise forgetter a valuable possession. He says knowing what to forget and what to recall helps prevent the spread of others’ mistakes and keeps attention on useful thoughts for the future.
A San Francisco Table Talk item recounts an Oakland matron who heard a noise and woke her husband Charles. He went to investigate but the burglar had left by the time he reached the stairs, leaving a window open. The tale ends with the matron noting none noticed his limp hid a cork leg.
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