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This newspaper page contains 25 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Cumberland Islander
Location
Cumberland, British Columbia, Canada
Date
Mar 07, 1914
Page
3
Postal note 25 cents and stamped addressed envelope to Crescentia a noted palmist in Winnipeg will mail a chart revealing your past and future life. The chart acts as a constant guide reading your own life from a mailed chart.
J A MacMurtry & Co patent attorneys offer rapid patenting guidance with a free information sketch and a request for mailed reports. The advertisement promotes selling services if merit is found and lists their Toronto address.
A humorous exchange where a patient cannot afford a costly remedy and the doctor suggests a cheaper option by taking three or four eggs daily, then jokingly proposes a trip to Europe as an even cheaper cure. The absurd advice highlights the comedic undertone of outdated medical anecdotes.
An ad claims Miller's Worm Powders eradicate intestinal worms in children. It asserts the medicine is safe for kids, clears parasitic worms from the body, and relieves inflamed surfaces, presenting it as an excellent remedy.
Husband and wife exchange a brief, half believing bargain over money. The man clarifies his wife’s instruction led him to give only half of what she asked, prompting a brief domestic negotiation.
An accustomed gentleman attends the church service and the pastor hurries to greet parishioners. A visitor praises the sermon while his wife nudges him. A joke about dreaming of a million dollars reveals a lighthearted moment after the sermon.
Pentwater Michigan resident Alice Darling credits Lydia E Pinkham's Vegetable Compound with restoring strength after severe back and bearing down pains. In Peoria Illinois Miss Cuara L Gauwitz reports relief from backache heavy side sensation and daily headaches after one week of use.
In a dim basement a bicycle leans against the wall as voices discuss lubrication and intimacy of parts. A lamp smokes and goes out at night while the sprocket, pedal, saddle, and bell joke about a wedding and lighting a fire with oil and a match. The scene ends with silence and a wheel spoke.
An organ blower caused a disturbance during Christmas service when a lever kept moving after the musician finished. A note to stop offended a preacher from London visiting for the occasion. Also included are forecasts for 1914 and a note on fashion and knitting.
Senator Tillman once guided a plain farmer through the Capitol to the gallery and left him. An hour later the visitor, claiming friendship, tried to exit and was told the password to get back in. Swate asked for the word and was told Idiosyncrasy, prompting his remark to stay in.
A vivid account recalls a socialist campaign, then a traveler’s comic chase after a departing train. The traveler asked the train’s start time, leapt onto the line, and returned after a brief pursuit, joking that he had made the train puff.
A humorous exchange follows a tired student longing for a week of bed. The scene shifts to an antique dealer and a clerical collector arguing over Balaam’s sword, with the dealer insisting the wished-for sword exists even if history says otherwise.
A child watchers depicts a nurse preparing to bathe a baby while a boy named Willie cries a warning that the infant will be drowned. The scene unfolds as a reporter describes a chilling contemporary view on eugenics and motherhood.
A Canadian household letter extols Nerviline as the best liniment for countless pains. It claims Nerviline has served families for forty years, is gentle yet effective, and offers a 50c family size with a 25c trial.
A satirical Victorian dialogue features a magistrate asking why a vaccination exemption is refused. The applicant cites conscience while the judge notes the counterpoint that a police brother’s stance does not compel the applicant. A child boasts about Christmas gains amid the exchange.
A fragmentary column presents humorous questions and remarks. It mentions camels seldom swimming and a father saving items during a minor fire, then shifts to wordplay about a chair and a paradox in a flower garden, and a riddle about something with flesh yet no bone.
The Union Bank of Canada approved at Winnipeg annual meeting reports 750,096 net profit for the year, deposits rising to 74,600,000, note circulation up to 6,200,000, and total assets at 80,766,539. Gold reserves stand at 27,655,000 with rapid loan growth in Canada and abroad. President John Galt summarized favorable Canadian trade conditions, while G. H. Balfour noted 812 branches and strong rail service support. leadership and director slate reaffirmed.
An article notes the long convalescence after fevers with weak digestion and fatigue. It praises Dr Chase’s Nerve Forte for supplying elements to enrich blood, strengthen muscles, and improve digestion, shortening recovery time. It also mentions a seaside anecdote about a boy resisting the water and a playful classroom interaction.
A brief verse-like exchange framed as dialogue between a father and Mr. Hennypeck about gender roles and progress. It ponders bowing to fate and politely saluting a suffragette in a reflective, humorous tone.
The page presents fragmented comic lines and a brief justice of the peace exchange. A wandering exchange notes a sparrow joke about an aigrette and two vagrant-appearing individuals brought before a justice for questioning where one claims no residence while the other mentions a room above a place. The text ends with a theatrical quip about a former leading man.
An old medical advertisement extols Dr Thomas Eclectric Oil as a powerful liniment with healing properties in six essential oils. It claims relief from pain and health restoration for many users, asserting value beyond price and urging reliance on its curative claims.
An elderly man confronts a well dressed youth who accosted him in a danger zone. The youth retreats as the man questions why he should give six cents, while the boy jokes about wanting a nice coat but is halted by the weather and the confrontation.
A reader recalls a tip from Rawson on the stock market that led to financial loss. The anecdote notes a loss of balance and questions the tip’s authenticity, reflecting on misguided guidance and personal risk.
A terse dispute shows Wheedler snatching ten from Gibbs just after another creditor’s loan, leaving Gibbs upset and unable to flee before Wheedler had borrowed the money from the other source.
The magistrate chastises a prisoner who violated orders and allegedly broke with a former lover, while the dialogue reveals a sharp, humorous banter about love, trust, and domestic quarrels. The magistrate laments repeated appearances, and the prisoner notes police belief gaps and marital tensions.
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