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Newspaper
Choteau Acantha
Location
Choteau, Montana, United States of America
Date
Jul 02, 1913
Page
2
A collection of humorous observations and wry comments on dress reform, aging, driving habits, lunch counter lore, a fashion note on onions and liver, a stray aeroplane capture, and a Paris divorce ruling. The piece playfully mocks modern youth slang, dog distractions on golf greens, and city life with light political and social satire.
A local resident insists they do not snore despite neighbor complaints. The quiet city faces scrutiny as residents dispute claims of nighttime noise.
The housemaids union presses for improved provisions with steak and up to date eggs cited as essentials. Employers may fear a rush of housemaids fatigue and injury if conditions are not addressed.
A British lord plans marriage to a beautiful and clever actress as the stage faces continuing aristocratic boredom and public interest in high society engagements. The piece hints at social patterns of romance between nobility and theatre stars.
A Philadelphia creator argues cold storage kept butter and eggs affordable through the winter and defines reasonable prices as those that stay steady despite market swings.
A man flirts with a station helper after adding an extra nickel to a central box, mistaking the polite response for flirting. The incident unfolds as a lighthearted miscommunication in the town.
A Chicago woman argues corsets must reform fallen women, insisting corsets are intended to reform all who wear them. The remark frames corsetry as a moral corrective in early 20th century social debates.
The line notes that even Doctor Osler would admit twenty four hours suffices for any man, implying a belief in efficient daily work and disciplined living.
A government expert asserts bread making is simple yet notes that bread produced with ease may be hard to eat, highlighting potential quality issues despite straightforward methods.
A traction company reduces step height to aid women in skirts while boarding and alighting. The move is framed as improving safety and convenience, with emphasis on proper alighting direction.
A short note claims Russian barbers average about $4,000 per year in their trade. A remark on the merry Russian scenes suggests there are roughly two such barbers depicted.
In a playful exchange two columnists dispute moonlit conditions. One says the night is dry, the other insists it is wet. The so called compromise suggests neither option is required.
A California-bound veteran of the Mexican War plans marriage, reflecting on the nation's vigor and the influx of young citizens keeping pace with modern times.
An ex change notes a municipal problem with disposing tin cans. The remark hints at scarcity of small boys or dogs affecting cleanup efforts and waste management.
A vocational analyst argues that millionaires often accumulate wealth late in life, suggesting delayed financial gains contribute to their millionaire status. The observation hints at career timing affecting net worth growth.
A physician suggests that talking less and listening more helps maintain youth and attractiveness. The remark humorously implies wives may age relative to their husbands.
Mrs. Mary Everett of Fort Fairfield Maine celebrated her 101st birthday. Born in 1812 in St John New Brunswick she has lived a life of wanderlust traveling through Aroostook County. She earns by apple sorting and quilting, travels by wagon and automobile, and plans to settle only when her health declines enough to stop wandering.
The Times reports that long missing verses of the new testament are in the Freer manuscripts found in Egypt six years ago and purchased by Charles L. Freer. A facsimile has been given to the British Museum, and the Times notes variants in other parts of the gospel texts as well.
In Cincinnati a woman named Eleanore Muchmore waited in the hospital receiving ward and proposed selling her body to a doctor after death to obtain fine clothes. The clerk expressed shock and explained the plan could not be entertained.
John Gordon rigged a phonograph with a blank record to capture his wife's replies after he posed questions. When she returned home she smashed the machine and its screen but Gordon preserved the blank record.
In a Morrissey v Maurer case at a New York magistrate court, a collie named Shep chose his owner. The dog, asked to respond to two names, snarled at one claimant and leaped into the other’s lap before being awarded to Mrs Morrissey.
Corporal J P Heffelfinger, famed Fifteenth United States cavalry rider, lost his fiancee Miss Samma V Griffen after a San Francisco romance. A wedding license returned to Fort Myer carried a note from Griffen saying she did not use it for a reason. Heffelfinger could not be found and Griffen reportedly left the city.
Matilda Bours, 17, says Angel Bours, a Venice California Greek, shaved her head to keep her from attracting other men. She showed the bald hair as evidence, and a warrant was issued for Angel.
Iron River Michigan resident Michael Ryan known as Mickey died twenty years ago believing himself poor. He owned 160 acres of wild land with ore riches unseen, now explored by Republic Iron and Steel Co who hold options on the tract revealing ore equal to or larger than the Mastodon deposit.
A new congressman touted his love of iron work to labor groups and even had a small blacksmith shop built near his stable. He boasted about shoeing his horses with iron bars, but later revealed the bars remained bent from his earlier display.
Mr Hixon on the way home from church asks if the sermon impressed him. Mrs Hixon replies she was focused on Mrs Muchgold's hat trim, not the sermon.
The janitor claims his father and grandfather worked in similar jobs in the old country. The Professor irritably questions whether he should say the man follows in those footsteps.
Wifey boasts of a new hat from Paris, prompting Hubby to call it the last straw. The exchange reveals domestic tension sparked by a stylish purchase during a tense moment at home.
In a playful scene cited by Puck, a mollusk receives a proposed name "Er-oyster" from Adan. Other creatures, amused, linger to claim their own consolation names while laughing at the pun.
A tactful friend greets an old man and comments on his wife fleeing. The widower responds with restraint as the friend laments the situation, noting the wife could have chosen worse outcomes. The exchange carries a dry, rueful tone.
A dialogue reveals a man’s belief he can join a fashionable suburb by building a $20,000 house and showing good character, despite a concealed baby. The exchange hints at social barriers linked to family status and acceptance in an exclusive community.
Ethel declares she will marry even on his slender salary. Elsie counters that no man earns enough that someone would not share it with him, highlighting society’s view on finances and marriage.
London Opinion quips about losses and misplacements recalling Napoleon and a host remarking on a great uncle’s arm at Waterloo. A guest jokes about losing a bag last week, framing a light humorous exchange.
In a dialogue on crime, characters muse that dressmakers smuggle due to the necessities of their trade, suggesting a pattern life behind the claim. The exchange probes the tension between profession and illicit acts.
Mr Weekus chats with his hostess as he hurries home after a late outing. He says he never takes chances with holdup men and always carries his dollar watch. The hostess asks if there is danger, he replies no, it will not take long.
A dialogue contrasts views on China as a republic. The wise guy remarks on backwardness, the old fogy contests the point, and the exchange notes that China freed itself, established a republic, and issued a declaration of independence.
A witty exchange about a woman absorbed in astronomy and neglecting her child’s cleanliness. The snippets suggest social humor contrasting scholarly focus with everyday housekeeping. An implication of the baby’s dirty face versus the mother’s skyward pursuits.
A humorous exchange between Mrs. Collier Down and Mr. Collier Down at 3 a.m. features a drunken remark about a two headed woman in a museum. The dialogue plays on self perception and comic intoxication.
The Health Board calls citizens to join an annual appeal against pests. urging action against the festive fly and the solar plexus mosquito to protect public health and comfort city residents.
A collection of playful newspaper card headlines and jokes depicting light fiction bits. Phrases poke at everyday concerns from money to meals to secrecy with a humorous, period voice.
In a humorous quip the New York man gives his wife a diamond necklace while the Chicago man gives his wife a black eye. The joke ends with the judge noting such gifts are rare and unpredictable.
A light, quizzical note observes Bhonglish practice in governance. It contrasts a soldier as secretary of war with a sailor as secretary of the navy, hinting at national quirks in public service.
A clipped dialogue features a friendly suburbanite remarking to Mrs Way about a forthcoming lawn. She responds with polite optimism and a witty line about expecting only a cheap gingham, reflecting a light domestic exchange.
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