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Newspaper
Choteau Acantha
Location
Choteau, Montana, United States of America
Date
Jan 11, 1912
Page
3
A collage of quips and shorts from The Choteau Acantha lampoons current topics. It jokes about baseball news, cold storage, Thanksgiving turkey, and various public figures with playful absurdity.
A southern surgeon states that railroad wrecks turn the injured into drug victims, a claim he argues is a grim but lesser fate than death. He asserts the injuries drive patients toward narcotics as a coping mechanism and recovery slows.
A trade paper claims New York is oversupplied with safety deposit vaults but notes burglary reports cast doubt on that view. It cites market data and security concerns affecting lenders and customers.
A concise moral line describes a man who stores his over coat in a place where his hands can reach it and moths cannot scent it. The note suggests contentment comes from prudent storage and forethought.
A Texas man reportedly consumed a mirror, believing it reflected on him. The odd incident drew attention to his mistaken view of the piece as a harmless reflection rather than solid glass.
A young man in Massachusetts attempted marriage using a hunting license as a permit. The error sparked local commentary on required licenses for civic acts and sparked discussion about legal marriage prerequisites.
The piece suggests aviation will boost deer hunting by enabling exciting airborne guide shooting fun. It hints at new opportunities and entertainment value from flying guides to enhance the hunt.
A New York woman faces lawsuit over unpaid cigarette charges. The case highlights growing concerns about personal debt and financial responsibility among urban consumers.
Dr. Eliot argues a classical education equips a man to solve many problems, but he questions if such learning helps with everyday tasks like buttoning a No. 15 collar on a No. 16 shirt, illustrating limits of theory in practice.
An Atlantic City preacher labels hobble skirts as worse than beer and calls for affidavits from witnesses who observed the tests. The remark underscores public concern over fashion trends and safety in the era.
A Missouri judge rules that a woman has the right to scold her husband, stating that without this right she would be compelled to benevolently assimilate it.
A New York man who lost a breach of promise suit against a divorcee believes the outcome might have been different if the jury had been all women.
Spreading abroad the news of a fifty dollar fine for a reckless chauffeur aims to curb carelessness among automobile owners. The report highlights punitive action and an early attempt to influence driving behavior through publicity.
New Jersey attorney seeks a stenographer who will promise never to marry. The notice notes it is best to obtain wifely assistance in preparing advertisements for stenographers. The unusual clause highlights gendered expectations in historical employment ads.
Local authorities in Reno consider censorship of mail after a divorce case reveals a letter informing a wife that her husband has inherited a million dollars. Proceedings focus on controlling communications related to sensitive financial information.
A young Chinese emperor could face a career change soon as political or dynastic pressures grow. Observers note uncertainty about his ability to rule and the demands of governing a vast empire.
In a New York incident a thief stole the groom to be’s finest pair of trousers. As editors go to press, no one has produced a meaner man than the culprit in this case.
A war correspondent reports bodies of the slain piled in great heaps in China as the conflict rages. The write up notes the deadly toll and the harsh realities soldiers face on the front lines.
A Canadian grain and vegetable exhibit arrives at Chicago Coliseum for the land show. The display highlights homestead lands in Manitoba Saskatchewan and Alberta, successful prairie farming, and strong crop yields. The Canadian Government will publish crop reports soon for distribution at the event.
In a brief dialogue Miss Antique wishes for relief from overthinking while Miss Caustique proposes a practical joke of removing a switch as a humorous solution. The exchange reflects playful banter and character dynamics.
The letter describes a long battle with dry eczema on the wrist and shin, cured after using Cuticura Soap, Ointment, and Pills. Irven Hutchison of Three Rivers Michigan reports four years of relief since treatment began and praises the remedies. A sample and 32 page book are offered by Cuticura, Dept. 17 K, Boston.
A clipped exchange notes Mr. Biffit’s possible belief in uplift while observing his cigar worn at a dizzy angle, suggesting scrutiny of his character through a small detail.
Charleston dispatch reports Joseph Pulitzer editor proprietor of the New York World and St. Louis Post Dispatch died aboard his yacht Liberty in Charleston harbor after a brief illness. He rose from deckhand to famed publisher with a life spanning 64 years and a pioneering role in modern journalism.
A quick exchange shows a confident collector claiming high accuracy in hitting a target and a rival betting against difficulties in collecting at a remote location. The banter highlights pride, skill, and local bravado in a playful bargaining moment.
Walter Gordon of Duryear was rebuked by Alderman John F. Donohue after creating a disturbance in a local restaurant. The alderman scolded him for noisy eating and poor manners and warned him to return home and improve his behavior in public.
In Kewanee Lt. William McGregor a traveling peddler dozed beside the tracks and a passing train sliced his hat and shattered a suitcase of clothing. He remained asleep and unharmed but shocked by the incident.
Thomas M. Ryan of South Weymouth Massachusetts died after bursting a blood vessel near the heart while laughing at a comic opera in a Boston theater. The incident occurred during the performance causing an immediate collapse and death.
A persuasive 1900s style ad promotes Dr Caldwell's Syrup Pepsin as a mild laxative to treat chronic constipation. It cites testimonials from Wisconsin readers and notes easy trial via free sample requests to Dr W W Caldwell in Monticello Illinois.
An old backwoodsman famed in Abraham Lincoln lore bursts into his cabin rifles in hand to chase a wildcat he sees through a door crack. He misses twice more, until his wife reveals the target is only a bug on his thick brow.
Former Congressman Adam Bede of Minnesota delivered a sparkling speech at a chamber of commerce banquet in Pittsburg. He expressed affection for the city and its people and joked that if he ever tires of Pittsburg he could wash it off.
A writer praises Grape-Nuts for ease of digestion and brain nourishment noting improved work quality after switching from heavy meals. The testimonial, signed by a named posthumous source, emphasizes brain and nervous system benefits and references The Road to Wellville booklet.
A modern physician uses interior visualization devices to locate and remove swallowed objects. The article explains how electric light enabled viewing inside the esophagus and stomach, detailing a technique to extract a safety pin by sliding a ring past the pin and closing it for removal.
The piece describes Fort Niagara's French mess house the castle begun 1725 and finished 1726 as the oldest masonry work west of Albany built with French bricks and Frontenac stone. It notes a stratagem where French workers hid to avoid Indian attack while completing the structure.
Mrs Anna Cavie dug a grave for her three boys and told a neighbor she planned to bury them alive. She completed the grave before police intervened and took her to the County hospital. She had dressed the boys for the burial and borrowed a spade from a neighbor.
Harry Sutton crawled into a shed to sleep and died when a blast from tons of powder at the Excelsior Powder Mills near Kansas City Mo lit by a match destroyed the waterroom.
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