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Newspaper
Choteau Acantha
Location
Choteau, Montana, United States of America
Date
Apr 16, 1913
Page
3
A columns page mocks trends in culture and news with wry quips. It notes swindlers, new fashions, a Berlin talking cat, and a joke about poets born versus educated at West Point. It also jokes about a New York burglar and a soldier foot powder program.
A Chicago man swallows his false teeth and learns to chew properly. An English aviator is fined for colliding with a cow, with the cow jokingly noted to deserve a disorderly conduct fine. A reader notes crime news exaggerates moral breaches while ten commandments loom larger.
In Washington a group plans to try out a minstrel performance at the government hospital for the insane. The idea draws sharp reaction as a controversial stunt.
China plans capital penalties for habitual opium smokers and imposes fines up to 2000. A La Crosse hen swallows a $200 suby. A butcher may auction mixed hens. New dresses feature only two hooks. Husbands endure long shifts while pondering button counts. London pursues painted eyes as a fad. Eye arrests persist for black eyes cases.
An incident at a Chicago school involves a teacher setting fire to a pupil's trousers by exploding matches in his back pocket during a spanking. The event raises questions about discipline and safety in the classroom.
Nicholas of Russia holds a $5 000 000 life insurance policy but faces ongoing risk from nihilist attacks. The note underscores political peril and the emperor’s security concerns during volatile times.
In Chicago a duo robs a victim with the man holding up and the woman rifling pockets. The line suggests the woman is married. Eyewitness details and location are limited in the fragment. The report notes a coordinated robbery by a male and female pair.
An eastern professor notes that red headed men seldom wed red headed women. He suggests that these couples likely misunderstand each other’s temperaments.
A Philadelphia man seeks a divorce claiming his wife smokes ten cigars daily. He notes if they lived in Pittsburgh the matter might be clearer.
Paris-born innovator creates a shoe that appears only half its size, drawing praise from women who call him blessed. The invention promises a striking visual effect and sets off curiosity about its wearability and aesthetics.
It is claimed a young woman can support a life in Philadelphia on seven dollars and twenty cents weekly. The remark suggests the sufficiency of that amount paired with the question of life’s value at that wage.
A light column invites readers to retrieve their earlier grouches from a public heap and suggests doing so is optional while keeping a playful tone.
The department of agriculture notes lightning can strike same location repeatedly. In politics, however, a single decisive blow is usually enough to settle a matter.
A student in The Times predicts hoopskirts will come back within five years if women are persuaded they are fashionable.
Adele Clot Converse and her husband Dr George Converse depart New York for Iquitos Peru with their three year old son to join a Peruvian government health mission. The family will live in a sterilized house and follow strict hygienic rules to combat yellow fever and other tropical diseases in the rubber region along the Amazon.
A mother explains that losing money led her family to appreciate simple joys. After a harsh turn in fortune, her children plant a geranium gifted by a neighbor, care for it and count its buds. A friend learns a new truth about contentment as the plant blooms with fourteen blossoms. from the Housekeeper.
An American organ builder completed in Zion City Illinois a pipe organ larger than Salt Lake City tabernacle with new features. The instrument comprises three distinct organs controlled from the main console or separately. An echo organ in the gallery near the choir organ can be played during processions. A second echo organ in the prayer room can be played independently or from the main keyboard. The organist may sit at the prayer room organ to operate the main organ.
Schenectady mayor discusses a smug class of undesirable individuals. He states their motto centers not on thoughts words or deeds but on what they get caught in. The remark highlights public scrutiny over private conduct.
A New York charity worker recalls Miss Helen Miller Gould’s passion for giving. She shares a parable of a poor minister who endlessly gave his clothes to the needy until he finally realized the folly of his generosity.
A fragment from a historic page notes Ruth is engaged to be married the coming winter. The speaker muses that he intended to propose himself when he had time, revealing a social moment of betrothal gossip.
In Ransom Illinois a two week old baby developed white pimples turning into widespread sores causing blood crusts and itch. After months of suffering the family tried an eczema remedy then Cuticura Soap and Ointment, which were reportedly used nightly and daily washes. The child allegedly recovered by age two and a half.
A quip about fish roe fuels a discussion on sea meals during a lively gathering. The dialogue contrasts humorous notions of romance with practical aboard life.
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