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Newspaper
Bristol Phoenix
Location
Bristol, Rhode Island, United States of America
Date
Jan 16, 1903
Page
4
A managing editor seeks a man to run the newspaper’s Query Box. The applicant replies he can handle any questions, insisting he is capable, and adds he is the father of eleven children as a claim to reliability.
A Philistine quotation suggests that one can live forty days without food but four minutes without air, and questions whether it is wise to stuff ourselves with food while starving for air.
In a snappy dialogue the second chap asks why the donkey is used as an emblem of stupidity and the first wonders how such a notion started. The exchange notes a dead boy referenced as prior to their time.
Editor O H Downey of Churubusco announces a sensational discovery that Dr King's New Discovery for Consumption is the most infallible remedy for coughs, colds and grip. He claims it helps weak lungs and prevents pneumonia or consumption. J H Young & Co guarantee 50 cent and 1 dollar bottles and offer free trial bottles.
In a Columbia Jester excerpt, Cholly jokes that some inherit stupidity and Miss Sharp retorts that it is improper to speak that way of one’s parents, highlighting a humorous household exchange.
A dialogue scene shows an author pressing for publication and the publisher suggesting the writer has other stories ready. The exchange hints at ambition, confidence, and market strategy without revealing platform details. The tone reflects a brisk, jokey newsroom dynamic.
The Phoenix offers two inch and one inch card ads with several months of circulation totaling 26 650 copies for 5 dollars and 3 dollars respectively Larger ads cost less per size The note urges business readers to replace dodgers with a home newspaper ad claiming higher readership and prompting orders to craft a catchy advertisement for increased business.
Aboriginal Australians tell of a time with no water except in a giant frog. After many figures failed to make the frog laugh, the wriggling eel trips him into laughter, spilling waters in a massive flood. Pelican saves the people by building a canoe and gathering survivors among rising islands.
A New York public school teacher extols time tables over geographies for pupil map skills. He notes that placing a dozen boys with time tables and maps fosters rapid, accurate city and river locating. The method boosts interest in geography though it may inflate views of certain railroads.
Old Moses, a longtime sexton and Presbyterian stalwart from Macon Mississippi, joins the Methodist church after a postwar revival among local colored Methodists. The judge questions the change, and Moses replies with a blunt remark about the Presbyterians being fine people but the conversion feeling being painfully dismal for a black person.
The shillalah is not a mere stick. it is a plant that grows to maturity under the owner's care. It is born, not made, a slow growth similar to a poet. Among 10,000 blackthorn shoots, only one becomes famous, then is marked for future service. Offshoots are removed and a bulbous root is shaped into a handle with constant care.
A Konigsberg University professor studied how feed changes odor in cow milk. Some cows consistently produce milk with strong or disagreeable flavor causing digestive issues, regardless of diet. The flavor depends mainly on the animal’s peculiarities, though food also plays a role.
A mother confronts her son about torn clothes and scratches. The boy explains he fought a bad boy to protect a good little boy, then reveals that he himself was the one considered good. The exchange ends with the mother acknowledging the act as noble.
The cross was first used by Christians to distinguish themselves from pagans. Ancients kings and nobles used the cross as a pledge of faith to the truth of the matter.
A short dialogue records a boy asking if neighbor Jones is home. The boy learns Jones has gone to the cemetery and will not return, as he is staying there.
A fragmentary exchange shows Delian and Celia arguing after a brief engagement. Celia recalls he stopped buying boxes and instead brought candy in a paper bag, signaling a sudden end to their plans.
The article recounts a legend of lacemaking tracing its origin to a Venetian fisherman’s bride. While lacemaking isn’t proven older than the 15th century, a tale says a girl weaving petrified wrack grass into beads and threads on her fiancé’s net created bobbin lace.
The article traces hat origins from Asia where felting began in India China Burma and Siam using straw rattan bamboo and other fibers to form hats. It links modern hats to ancient Romans and Greeks and recounts medieval English notes of hattes and plumes at Edward's court and Chaucer era mentions of felt hats.
An Indiana man recounts how Indiana youths crossing the Ohio River faced taunts from Kentuckians calling them new purchase greenies and other boasted insults. After overhearing a lecture on European wars and the term hoogiers, he reportedly declared I am a hoosier, giving rise to the state nickname.
The passage traces early thermometer use from Currie of Edinburgh in 1797 amid ridicule by German contemporaries, noting Santorius of Padua as first to apply a thermometer open at the end, Boerhaave and De Haen advancing bedside adoption, and the spread of thermometry from 1850 to 1870.
The writer Victor Hugo once misread the Firth of Forth as Premier de Quatre in Travailleurs de la Mer. The English translator pointed out the error, but Hugo refused to correct the slip, remaining indignant at the impertinence.
A Korea related caption describes farmers wives donning immense rain hats during the rainy season. The coverings extend up to seven feet in length and five feet in breadth and shield the body as effectively as an umbrella.
A London restaurant displays a striking policy stating any indolence or inattention by staff will be considered a favor if reported promptly to the proprietor. The unusual sentence appears in various dining room locations to encourage quick notice of issues.
Corrected list of games arranged by Manager Waldron through March. Jan 22 Brown University at Bristol Jan 24 Fall River Y M C A at Fall River Jan 28 Bristol versus Brown Providence Jan 29 Dean Academy Franklin Mass at Bristol Feb 5 Fall River Y M C A at Bristol Feb 19 Brockton High School at Bristol Feb 21 Brockton Y M C A at Brockton Feb 28 Boston Y M C A at Bristol Mar 5 Fall River Y M C A at Bristol Mar 14 Dean Academy Franklin Mass Mar 21 Fall River Y M C A at Bristol
A sequence of social and organizational events from January to April appears, including Megaday Social at Artillery Armory on January 19, a Ribbon Party January 22 by the Ladies Auxiliary to St Marys T.A.S. in Grand Army Hall, subscriptions and socials at Peerless Club and Grand Army Hall, Company C Second Regiment socials in Pukanoket Hall Hasbrouck block, a February 20 meeting at Trinity church chair, the Robert Emmet Literary Society annual hall event in Grand Army Hall, the Bristol Train of Artillery Washington Ball February 23, and a St Marys Fife and Drum Band Fair April 18 to 25 plus an Easter Ball for Company C in Armory Hasbrouck block.
An English statistician copied Scott’s Ivanhoe word for word with a lead pencil until the pencil ruined and could copy 95 608 words. A German statistician copied a long German novel using a holder, claiming about 400 000 words, though pencil quality or length may explain the difference.
A wife asks what ails him and he laments loneliness. He dislikes the town and the earth, citing egotism among kings, diplomats, lawyers, and people in general. He insists he alone remains consistently high toned and moral, which makes him feel lonely.
A quaint epitaph reads in an English churchyard at Leamington: Here lies the body of Lady O'Looney great-niece of Burke commonly called the sublime. She was Bland Passionate and deeply religious also she painted water colours and sent several pictures to the exhibition. She was the intimate friend of Lady Jones and of such is the kingdom of Heaven.
A traveler claims to have overheard two passengers. One asks who an awfully homely woman is. The other says she is his wife and adds he knows without looking because he already recognizes her. The remark lands as a sharp humor quip about familiarity.
Oculist after examination notes a case of choroiditis exsudatioa with partial micropsia metamorphopsia and chromatopsic scotomata, all in singular regular form. A young lady remarks her mother said it was only a sty.
Tommy asks if the bottle contains hair oil. Mercy answers it is Haquid glue. He quips that is why his hat won’t come off, showing a humorous domestic moment with a mix up over a glue bottle.
A terse item notes that attorney ignorance of the law offers no defense, with a quip about a client’s expectation that a lawyer should know better. The piece underscores legal accountability and professional responsibility in a concise town column.
A brief adage from Chicago News noting that money not earned is the simplest to spend and the most difficult to save, reflecting on personal finance in a compact editorial aside.
Klaw & Erlanger present the American production of The Sleeping Beauty and the Beast at the Colonial Theatre Boston on Monday February 2. First seen at Drury Lane two years ago it toured New York Chicago Philadelphia Pittsburg and Washington and returns as a major indoor musical spectacle with lavish scenery costumes and effects.
In Pall, an Irish soldier crossing a bar rack square to fetch water is halted by a sergeant who questions his attire. Pat explains he is not going in the trousers but in the pati, clarifying the comic misunderstanding rooted in misheard words.
A humorous Life magazine style panel features Mrs Teacup Ohh praising Mr Tubbs as a lifelong booze fighter. The exchange hints at his temperance zeal and a boast about punishing more alcohol than many others in the state in a lighthearted vignette.
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