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This newspaper page contains 28 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Bristol Phoenix
Location
Bristol, Rhode Island, United States of America
Date
Dec 03, 1907
Page
4
An English clergyman concludes a sermon on the fate of the wicked and asks an old gossip if it bore fruit. She quips that even if they gnash their teeth, she has none to spare, delivering a biting humorous remark.
The Dublin zoo housed a famous ape that adored the principal. A royal visitor distracted the keeper, the ape sulked and shunned him, fell ill, and died after seeking reconciliation with a final gesture of friendship. The tale, from St James' Gazette, echoes a sad, humanlike bond tested by neglect.
A political orator recalls a meeting clash where a heckler named Harry Loff shouted like a dog. Loff attacked a little fat man after misreading a quip about Goldsmith and the watchdog’s voice. The incident ends with realization the reference was to the poet not the man.
A doctor prescribed an ounce of whisky three times daily for an Irish patient. A subsequent visit found the man drunken, traced to a misinterpretation by the wife who believed one ounce meant sixteen drams. The dram miscommunication led to intoxication.
A quotation from Alexander Campbell argues that beauty and happiness arise from inequality and diversity. He asserts that varied landscapes, minds, and human conditions are essential to convey and receive happiness, fueling action and pleasure across physical, intellectual, and moral realms.
The passage reflects on forgiveness as a powerful, moving force. It contrasts human weakness with reconciliation and notes forgiveness heals wounds much like a pearl forms within a shell.
An American woman’s travel memoir describes Japan’s orderly bargain sales at a major trading house. Goods are displayed in locked cases with department heads holding keys, remnants laid on mats, and shoppers quiet and well behaved. Babies ride on mothers’ backs as shoplifters are discussed and detectives are noted as less necessary than in England.
Mrs Wilson’s husband returns from New York travels at night to avoid waking her during burglaries in the neighborhood. He sneaks to the front door but is startled by her voice asking if he is her husband or a burglar. He warns he will shoot if mistaken.
A humorous sketch recalls a Mr Malaprop returning from Europe with mispronunciations and malapropisms about Rome churches tombs and the Sixteen Chapel. He jokes about cigars tombs and beggars, noting the pope and his palace while railing at prestige.
They dine together as he stays bashful at first. She gently draws him out and steers the conversation to books. He warms, praising Hugo and admitting he has read several of his works. When Nine ty Three is mentioned, he replies he has only read three.
A guest at the crossroads hotel complains of a $2 charge for possum saying it is an outrage. The landlord defends the price claiming he spent six nights catching the possum and contracted rheumatism, needing the money for a doctor’s bill.
A minister asserts God gave the speaker to the addressed child, while the mother affirms it, and the child questions the truth after hearing an aunt mention that the court gave the girl to the parents. The Detroit Free Press records this family dialogue as a fragment of everyday life.
Dialogue from London Opinion shows a mock quarrel over marriage where one character loves the ground he walks on and the other questions marrying an older partner. The exchange highlights affection and skepticism in a witty, social humor context.
Dialogue snippet shows a woman named Pechis declining a dance with Mr Galley who jokes about being engaged and married. The exchange captures light social banter and flirtation.
A concise verse excerpt by Richard Watson Gilder contrasts society’s loathing of degraded criminals with disdain for the coward who hides crime behind empty pieties. It condemns those who barter honor to shield fawning liars, praising only the contrite thief over Judas.
The note recalls Dr Buckley the eminent Methodist divine whose nearly illegible handwriting caused a misprint in a religious weekly. He planned a sermon on Oats and Wild Oats but it appeared as Cats and Wild Cats, a humorous mixup cited by Lippincott's.
A white narrator recalls telling George the enslaved servant to lock the house and hide the key under a stone. After returning late, the key is missing, prompting a search. George appears from his upstairs window and replies with a racially charged taunt about finding a better place for it.
A young philanthropist who funded temperance efforts questions a convert about drinking. The man insists he never smells of liquor, prompting a tense exchange about quitting drinking. The scene underscores the struggle between reform motives and personal habit as reported in a Ladies' Home Journal excerpt.
A Kansas delegation visited President Roosevelt at Oyster Bay. The president, with coat off and brow mopped, invited them to the barn to talk while he worked. He grabbed a pitchfork and asked for hay, only to learn John had not yet thrown yesterday’s hay back.
A New York visitor tells Congressman Champ Clark Missourians are provincial and Clark retorts the shoe is on the other foot. The reminiscence continues with a vignette of Lincoln era days, a distant observer, and a ragged boy eyeing oranges as a tall passerby mulls over the scene.
A vivid anecdote recalls President Lincoln gifting a boy an orange after a tense scene. The boy gratefully thanked him, and Lincoln urged honesty, saying he wished others shared the boy’s integrity. The piece also notes a social climber at Mrs Taft's reception and her bold greeting.
In a witty aside borrowed from Daudet and Richard Mansfield, a late actor and writer jokes about artists being tormented not only by others but also by themselves. A playwright tells a farcical New Year confession that its shock is only a line for a new play.
A Southern suburb bachelor hires a colored servant to clean and tend his lamp. The exchange reveals racial ownership of labor. On a Sunday the pair returns with a chocolate female and a baby carriage, prompting the boss to question if the baby is his. The servant demurs that nothing belongs to him anymore. The piece shifts to a satire on Representative Robinson’s natural beauty remarks, clashing with Ruppert’s retort about a bet and a poetic claim.
John B. McDonald, a builder of New York's subway, avoids direct judgments about rivals. He recalls a violent accident where a worker died in a blast, noting how others discussed the victim with grim humor. A separate vignette shows a servant giving an evasive reply by parrying a caller with a joking question.
Francis Metcalfe cites Outing Magazine to explain rattlesnakes rarely give warning before striking. Snakes lack hearing but sense vibrations, making them easily approached. Hunters tread softly to avoid disturbing game, often passing rattlers unseen, as most snakes are timid and prefer flight to fight.
In Takara mura Japan villagers over fifteen gathered before a Shinto shrine to identify a tobacco plantation thief. Footprint sheets proved useless. A trial by fire followed. all but Shukichi Shibata walked through red hot coals. He refused the test and confessed to guilt.
A Letter to the New York Tribune from Valere Bragueda discusses spleen as a culinary item. He notes pigs' spleens weigh about eight ounces and lie near the liver, while cows' spleens weigh about two pounds and are spongeier. He suggests a future fashion could make spleen a 75 cent restaurant staple.
Dr Daniel Brinton uncovered the myrmex a deadly three pronged bronze fork attached to the cestus used by ancient Greek pugilists. Found in Louvre marbles and given to the University of Pennsylvania museum the weapon illustrates how brutal combat could be before modern prize fighting.
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